Needing a bit of a reality check

[Spagbol99]

I think I need to be told a bit. I’ve changed name as I’m embarrassed by feeling this.

Im really lucky, in two weeks time I’m getting married to my best friend and we are really happy. As the wedding gets nearer though I’m getting more sad about my lack of friends attending, I only have one who is my bridesmaid and my small but close family. My partner in contrast has invited his closest 20 odd friends, large family and more to the reception.

I am a bit ashamed of my lack of friends. Im shy and quite awkward but in daily life I am quite happy and busy with my small circle and I get on well with my partners friends too. However the wedding has highlighted to me how little friends I have and I am embarrassed at how many people attending are not guests of mine. I don’t have any work colleagues as I changed job during the pandemic and before that I worked in a small office with two older men (who were lovely but we didn’t become friends.

I’ve not bothered with a hen or anything as there seemed little point. I just keep seeing other people having large hen do’s or lots of friends at their wedding and realising I don’t have this.

I know I am lucky to have my friend and my family. I think I just need people to tell me if this is normal or if what I’m feeling is superficial.

There is nothing embarrassing about having only few friends.

People come and go in lofe. Sometimes we have many around, sometimes we have only few. Both is fine

It’s not superficial - I think it’s very understandable to feel the way you do. There’s a lot of social pressure around, especially when it comes to weddings.

But it’s illogical, too. You’re happy with your small friend group, you have sufficient social skills to get in well with people generally. You don’t want a larger friendship group, and maintaining it would probably be a burden to you if you’re happy with what you have now.

I’m sure you could make some friends if you wanted to. It sounds like you don’t - why should that be shameful?

Congratulations on the wedding, hope you have a lovely time.

My sister always feels like this, through mental health issues and working in a difficult area hasn’t ever really made good friends. She is so ashamed of this but I just think she’s never found her tribe. Don’t let it get you down - you have a good friend and someone who loves you xxxx

Aww you sound lovely. I'd much rather have you as a friend then someone with loads of friends.
Try and be happy with yourself. We don't all fit the mould. Some of us are just our own people and there's nothing wrong with that.

I hope you both have a lovely day

I think good friends are hard to find - people may seem to have a crowd around them but usually most people have a few really good friends.

It's not a bad thing!! Less drunk people to embarrass you!

But seriously, my partner and I only spoke about this the other day. How we love now having that small circle. We can both count our friends on one hand with a couple digits to spare.

Life's more peaceful that way. congratulations on your upcoming wedding!!! Hope you have a wonderful day

quality is way more important than quantity. Better to have your trusted friend and family with you, than lots of shallow acquaintances.

Besides, your fiance's friends are now your friends too, right?

Aw OP. I think your feelings are natural. Try concentrating on all the positive aspects of getting married! And congratulations!!!!!!!

Aw try not to stress about it. If you are planning on having kids - you will meet tons of friends through baby groups and things like that. Most of my friends now are people I have met through actives related to my kids.

I think it's only natural to feel sad that you don't have aot of people to invite. With large hen dos half the time they are filled with passing acquaintances not friends.
You'll be surrounded by people that love you. That's more important

Very large friend groups are often quite shallow relationships.

If it's any consolation, I'm not in touch with most of the friends who came to my wedding years down the line.

There's a very small core of good friends I'm in touch with.

I definitely go for quality over quantity when it comes to friends though, I have casual circumstantial friends I wouldn't miss if I moved and others who will be on my Christmas list for life

I get this. I think there is a sort of pressure that people have lots of friends and some people can judge there to be something wrong with you if you haven't.

I think you're really lucky to have one close friend and a close family and to be getting married to someone you love.

So don't worry, have the most brilliant day with the people you love. That's all that matters

Please don’t feel bad. You have a special day booked. Your day and your best friend, family and dp love you deeply.

I don’t have many friends because I’m too ill to participate in normal life. I’m not ashamed. I need lots of alone time and rest to do even basic things in life.

Do any of your partner's 20 closest friends have partners you like?

OP you mention you have a small circle and you’re happy with that. Amazing. Many people have wide circle and feel lonely.
While the numbers may not balance out between you and your H2B, you have friends, you love and those that matter are there.

I’m not in touch with friends that attended my wedding, no particular reason, it’s just you grow apart. It’s one day; a snippet of time. Enjoy your day, quality not quantity.

Also, if it won’t matter in 5 years (trust me won’t) don’t give it 5 minutes thought.
Don’t fill your special build up with these feelings. You’re wonderful and blessed x

I have just two friends, OP and I am non contact with most of my family!
But they are the best friends and family I could have. Quality is everything.
Have a lovely wedding and I wish you a very happy life with your partner.