Dh forcing gender stereotypes on toddler!

[Namochanger]

I'm just fuming about it right now. It's our toddlers birthday soon and I'm ordering some presents. He got a toy kitchen for Christmas which caused an argument, and I've ordered him a toy shop and trolley for his birthday. Dh kicking off that they are girly presents, why don't we just get him some cars or a football. Admittedly he is vehicle mad, but he has hundreds of them. He doesn't need more cars, trains.. what's girly about a shop? What does it even matter?! Nursery said his favourite thing to play with there is a dolls house and dh looked at me and said "not happening!" Just let the damn kid be happy! What is wrong with him?! Are men's egos really that fragile? I shouted at him that he's a 40 year old grown man and needs to grow the fuck up.

My ds loved his baby doll and buggy that he got as a toddler. I'm sure many fathers push their children about in a buggy so what's the difference?

Has your dh never shopped in a supermarket with a trolley before?

Is this the first time he's shown himself to be a sexist arsehole? Most normal men these days understand that gendered toys belong back in the 1980s, and it's common practise now for parents to buy all kinds of toys for children. He sounds like a doddery old grandad.

It'd be quite the about-turn if this is his first admission he holds these views.

Ffs, since when is food shopping a womans job?

I do our food shopping but that's because dh can't drive (due to health issues) and I hate when both of us go. I shop, he unpacks which suits me fine.

But I know loads of couples where the man does most of the food shopping.

I would be pissed off too. Not only is he trying to enforce gender stereotypes, which negatively impact all kids. He is making some up as well and trying to make them fit his personal view of what males and females should do.

He's only ever acted so 1950s about christmas and birthdays for toddler! I wouldn't of married him if he was a sexist pig about everything!! I'm so angry about it, how can you begrudge a child joy over such outdated thinking.

He's great around the house! Helps with washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping.. everything is 50/50! But his toddler wanting to play with a dolls house? Blasphemy.

Its my dh that does the main food shopping on a Saturday and I'm the person that cuts the grass.

Is this really the first time he's showed these kinds of views? Surprised if so.

Very archaic views for a 40 year old tbh, no men I know think that way.

@Namochanger

He's great around the house! Helps with washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping.. everything is 50/50! But his toddler wanting to play with a dolls house? Blasphemy.

But is he only decent because he sees it as helping you?

He still thinks it's a womans job, but he is so wonderful he 'helps' you out?

@Unsoliciteddeckpic Well if he thinks that he's not been stupid enough to say it to me! He doesn't wash the dishes and then say "oh I did the dishes for you" if that's what you mean, I had an ex that would do that and it drove me up the wall.

He usually seems a well rounded man, but since having a boy he seems obsessed with stuff like this. He hates when I dress him in leggings as "they are for girls".. he's two for gods sake!

You had it bang on in your response to him. He needs to grow out of this, fast.

That's madness! DS's father is the most matcho man you could imagine, British Forces, male only regiment, a typical bloke.

Came back from Smyth toys with toddler DS and DS was pushing a purple toy pram with a ragdoll strapped in to it.

He simply said "it's what he wanted" and shrugged. He said no more and was content that DS was happy and playing.

Perhaps DS's father was so secure with his masculinity he never worried about it. That's all I can think.

OP when I signed my son up to ballet - because all children have done it and they're all tall and I think it's beneficial for them to have strength and confidence to stand tall, my DP made continuous jokes about signing him up for cage fighting. It was utterly ridiculous.

My son plays with all toys - as he's the youngest we have everything here gendered or otherwise. I don't even see why it's an issue but yes I think some men are just silly about it. What's going to happen?

If he can explain exactly what is wrong with a boy playing with a house or supermarket in a logical and non sexist way then I'd say fair enough. Say that and watch him flounder. As what he is actually saying is a. parenting and cooking is a womans domain and b. He wants your son to grow up with this view as well

You can buy great wooden fire stations with furniture for the firefighters. Would that be a manly enough form of dolls house to appease your cave man dh?

Our dd's best loved toy for two years was a baby doll, with stroller, highchair and rocking crib. Then little sister came along and he was gorgeous with her from day 1. He is currently bombing around the house taking penalties for England, singing Three Lions and waving red cards at imaginary Italian footballers. Their tastes change, your dh needs to accept that it's more important for your son to be happy playing with things he enjoys than to fulfil some rubbish gendered stereotype that means precisely nothing anyway.

My former NDN, father of four boys, refused to let his youngest play a with necklace of those big plastic pink beads that click together because “gay” and nor would he let his boys play with DS1’s toy kitchen. His wife was only slightly embarrassed . I can’t stand men like that.

1 toys are toys and it doesn’t matter what kids want to play with.

2 what is actually girly about a shop? Does he refuse to go to Asda as it’s too girly? Just stupid really!

Ds! Not dd.

Its just bizarre when men do this especially if their not complete twats and do washing up and push their kids in their buggy

I would be buying a doll and play buggy pronto, maybe the blue one to soften it slightly for his fragile ego.

Come on, OP. Everyone knows his penis will fall off if he touches a dolls house. YABU!

My son has just asked me to paint his room pink

What is your husband worried about? Are you sure this kind of behaviour is appropriate and in the best interests of your son?

[quote Namochanger]@Unsoliciteddeckpic Well if he thinks that he's not been stupid enough to say it to me! He doesn't wash the dishes and then say "oh I did the dishes for you" if that's what you mean, I had an ex that would do that and it drove me up the wall.

He usually seems a well rounded man, but since having a boy he seems obsessed with stuff like this. He hates when I dress him in leggings as "they are for girls".. he's two for gods sake! [/quote]
No, I didn't think he has said out loud. But in his head on some level, I wonder if that what he thinks. That by doing things at home he is some sort of superman helping out.

If not, this is even weirder and he needs to get over it.

Does he never do the food shop?

See if DH can explain - with the aid of diagrams if necessary - the precise difference between dolls and action figures.

Then tell him again that he's being a sexist arse, and buy your DS whatever toys he likes.

Your DH is an idiot. When I was a kid I like playing with dolls and cars. It’s just a toy. Let your DS play with what he wants.

If he's not happy with the presents you're buying why doesn't he just buy some toys of his choosing?

I 100% agree with you