To think some MNetters have a really odd idea about what constitutes rudeness

[fat13]

I’m honestly wondering if it’s me.

I often see threads and the OP is being polite as far as I can see but gets told she’s ‘rude.’

I had it a week or so ago, someone said I was ‘consistently rude and nasty’ and I really don’t think I was.

Is it just this place or have I been mortally offending people without realising for years?

I was reading a thread earlier today. Poster after poster telling a young woman that she was rude and nasty. It got to the stage of them bullying her.

I think there's a lot of very mean and nasty posters on here. People seem to especially dislike any push back from op if there's a narrative being constructed on a thread about op's behaviour or intentions. So op will be called rude or snippy when they're actually just meeting posters with the same tone as they're receiving.

It's interesting as there's a lot of talk on here about women's rights being eroded. But lots of mumsnetter's really don't seem to like women standing up for themselves.

It’s true … no is a complete sentence unless a Mumsnetter is offering you helpful advice!

It goes both ways here.

Sometimes the OP gets an unfiltered perspective on their situation that they badly need to hear but won't because it's something difficult to be honest about.

But sometimes certain posters are utterly vile just because they can be. I've been on the receiving end of abusive (and they really were disgusting) comments from certain people. I still see some of them around here from time to time and they are still behaving like cunts.

Yanbu. In AIBU if you ever dare to stand up for yourself or show anything other than total meek humility, you’ll be told you’re rude / hard work / nasty / in need of therapy.

You do get some posters who are clearly being unreasonable but aren’t willing to accept it, and sometimes they get nasty about it. But you also get posters who simply challenge a total misconception or even fabrication by another poster, and get told they’re automatically rude or difficult.

There is no reasonableness to be found in AIBU

Also, through messages, your tone can’t entirely be fully understood

What could appear as rudeness, could actually be them being sarcastic

yeah I started a thread a few weeks ago and despite other posters calling me pathetic, a bad mum, an alcoholic, all sorts actually, someone came on just to tell me I had come across as argumentative and snappy back....I never name called once but hey ho!

I was once told I was an aggressive, unpleasant person by a bunch of posters just for expressing a different opinion. I apologised and said I didn’t mean to offend and they got even more nasty. It really upset me and I left the site for a while.

Ya its weird here sometimes OP, not always consistent with what people consider rude or not. The other week there was a poster who was offended that her neighbours had used her seating in their shared garden and was absolutely hammered for it, then there was a different poster who was absolutely hammered for using the shared garden too early so weird.

From what I can tell it's mainly because you tell them honestly, though politely, when all they want to hear is, "Awwwwww hun, of course you're right".

It’s not mumsnet per se. It’s just that people behave very different in an anonymous forum than they would in real life. It’s a watered down version of the king of typical online abuse that is usually directed towards women by men.