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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My husband says I moan too much...

47 replies

hashbrownsandwich · 11/07/2021 14:37

And I think he might be right

I'm feeling sorry for myself this weekend as I've picked up a virus (been tested, not covid) which means I've got a banging headache and the usual fever symptoms. I have done a full deep clean of the house as I do every weekend. I work 30 hours in 3 days in a stressful job. DH does full time hours and a uni course on top so he's by no means lazy. He does his fair share around the house too so I can't blame him.

I just feel like being an adult sometimes sucks. I know I need to accept that 3 kids, work, household chores and animals are my reality but sometimes I just wish I could have a rest from the same monotonous shit over and over.

I know I am being unreasonable to moan about what is basically a normal adult life but tell me I'm not alone?

OP posts:

TheGumption · 11/07/2021 15:50

Why would you choose to deep clean a house while unwell and then moan about it?!

shivawn · 11/07/2021 15:57

Look, you've identified that you do moan a bit and you know it's unreasonable so that's a great start. Maybe you just need to see now what changes you can make to be happier in your life and try to take a more positive outlook? Definitely start by stopping the deep cleaning the house every weekend and book a couple fun things to do instead.

janj2301 · 11/07/2021 16:11

sorry if it's been mentioned, get a cleaner. I did when I worked and I had a husband who worked away and only 2 children so less work at home than you

toocold54 · 11/07/2021 16:31

I thinks it’s good and healthy to have a moan about life every now and then. But there’s nothing worse than when someone is constantly negative it is really draining to be around.
At the end of the day there’s certain things you can’t change eg waking up early for work - so whats the point in moaning about them as it will make you and everyone around you feel worse. But certain things like the washing machine breaking then yes moan away.

GoWalkabout · 11/07/2021 17:29

Get well soon. I found the chores less of a drag once I started doing the fun things and the relaxing first instead of last. They still get done, but you have a life as well, and some energy to do them (preferably with the music up loud and a glass of wine on hand).

TillyTopper · 11/07/2021 17:37

Screw that - get a cleaner. We keep the place tidy (I decluttered 2.5 years ago and we kept it that way), we put the dish washer on etc. and do laundry (unless I decide I want a week off and farm that out too) but we have cleaners. They do everything - no way would I put myself and family through doing a deep clean every week. I had enough of my mum yapping on and making me do tons of work every weekend, I'm not putting my kids through that.

Aria999 · 12/07/2021 04:10

Lol I gently rotate round the cleaning approximately every 6-8 weeks (it is a stupidly big house)

Give yourself a break

What do you do for fun?

Monty27 · 12/07/2021 04:50

Get a cleaner if you can afford it OP. If you can't afford a cleaner get more organised during your working days.
I worked 5 days a week with 2 DC's.
It's all about organisation. Pfft I sympathise. I just don't know how the hell I did it.
When DC's got good employment I took a very welcome early retirement package.
I was a single parent. At least their father didn't need me cooking and washing and cleaning after him too any more.
If your working hours don't suit then change them.

PotteringAlong · 12/07/2021 05:46

You only work 3 days a week - why are you cleaning at the weekend? And why is your house so dirty it needs a deep clean once every 7 days?

casualnamechange · 12/07/2021 07:34

My boyfriend and I keep nicely on top of the cleaning in the week but then do a blitz on the weekend - usually takes half an hour - 40 mins between us? We live in a small flat. So I get it, but we also both enjoy this and do it together so we certainly wouldn’t be doing it if we didn’t like it.

casualnamechange · 12/07/2021 07:36

Also we both work full time. I work 50 hour weeks. How are you not having time to maintain the cleaning enough so that it doesn’t need a deep clean every week?! To me a deep clean is like pulling the fridge out, deep cleaning the oven…

SnarkyBag · 12/07/2021 07:40

I think deep cleaning the house when you feel really poorly is edging into martyr territory tbh.

I do understand that day to day drudge sucks though but yes people who constantly moan about it does bring others down. My husband is a moaner it gets pretty joyless listening to it everyday. I have my own daily drudge work to get through listening to others whine about theirs doesn’t make it any easier!

TonyChestnut · 12/07/2021 08:06

Only the two of you will know just how much of a moaner you are, but I think your husband is giving you a pretty big hint that he is fed up with your behaviour. Maybe take this as an early warning?

We've all worked (or lived) with moaners. Nothing is ever their fault and nothing is good enough for them; they suck the joy out of everything! In my experience, they are often friendless, except for when they can attract the company of other miseries, and are often single/divorced.

Take the hint and try to change before you become one of them. (And hire a cleaner!)

Crowsaregreat · 12/07/2021 08:06

Life is really monotonous right now. Don't bother with all that cleaning (your kids will benefit from the immune boost and lack of chemicals everywhere) and go somewhere spontaneous once you're better. Don't spend your life like this! You need change to boost your brain and get out of the rut.

Also I think consolidated hours can be very bad for health, can you drop to 8 hour days instead?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 12/07/2021 08:49

You really don’t need to make a martyr of yourself with a full ‘deep clean’ every weekend.
I don’t know why it’s so often called a ‘deep clean’ now anyway - that term used to be reserved for e.g. operating theatres.

A thorough clean once a month is usually more than enough - in this house, anyway - otherwise it’s more a case of putting my glasses on so I can see the dust. 🙂

EmeraldShamrock · 12/07/2021 09:01

Chill out, hire a cleaner for deep cleaning.
I think the past year has negatively impacted most people - I've realised I'm a moany moan too. I need some mindfulness or valium to make changes. 😋

Ragwort · 12/07/2021 09:03

Agree with everyone else, why on earth are you doing a 'full, deep clean' every weekend.

Do you ever do anything for yourself? What are your hobbies, interests?

HildegardeCrowe · 12/07/2021 09:09

Can someone tell me what a deep clean is? People who moan do my head in, it doesn’t achieve anything. If you’ve got something to complain about and want to change things, why not do it in a productive way?

Naunet · 12/07/2021 09:23

Why don’t you book yourself into a hotel for a few days and take some time off?

FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack · 12/07/2021 09:33

You're mad doing a deep clean. How dirty could your house have possibly have got in a week?

Unless you're wading through filth, a duvet weekend in front of the TV would have been a better use of time and way less stressful for everyone.

EmeraldShamrock · 12/07/2021 09:54

You can have an easier life you're under a lot of pressure, hire a cleaner, batch cook one night midweek.

Wexone · 12/07/2021 10:19

You sound like my mother, every weekend she is off the house is cleaned from top to bottom, like there is only the two of them in the house. She never stops and runs herself into the ground, so then she never stops moaning or complaining that she has so much to do which i do say has an impact on me negatively when i meet her and also when am visiting she never sits down hence my visits are short and sweet. I echo what people say above get a cleaner if you can afford it. Learn to relax and enjoy siting down with a book etc. Get out for a walk or some exercise to boost your mood You do not need to do a deep clean every weekend. If you are complaining about things too much you need to work on changing them . Also learn to let go and let things be messy sometimes.

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