To think I'm such a fool

[Fernando2020]

I've posted about my situation before but this time I'm fully aware of what I need to do it's just getting in the position to be able to do it.

I'm currently on maternity leave (the last 12 weeks unpaid) and have been doing one kit day a week which I'm getting paid roughly £350 a month for. This goes straight into the joint account towards rent and bills. I've been living off savings for the last three months, I'm down to my last £500. The thing is my partner has £20,000 in savings and has not touched this, insisting I 'pay my way' and put my smp and kit day wages into the joint account.

I just don't see how it's fair that I'm left with nothing when he's bought himself a £900 bike and various other expensive treats. I'm still mostly wearing the clothes I wore while I was pregnant because I can't afford new clothes. I'd rather buy something for DS than for myself.

I know I have to leave but my question is how can I leave when I'm unable to save any money to be able to pay rent and bills. If I still had my savings I'd be in a position of having enough for a few months but I've literally got nothing until I'm back to work next month. And even then he's going to be demanding half my wages into the joint account when he will be earning double what I do but paying less than half of his wages into the account.

He also sold my car to his friend for a pittance because he told me it was 'unroadworthy' but on speaking with his friend I've heard its just passed an MOT without even any advisorys. He has 'bought' me a new car but expects me to pay him back when I return to work so that's another expenditure that I really don't need.

I'm half considering getting a loan and paying the minimum back each month just so I've got it incase I need it. I've looked into universal credit and I will be eligible as I'm only going back to work for three days a week but it's paid in arrears so will be 5/6 weeks from when I apply to recieving it.

Is it unreasonable to think he's deliberately keeping me without money while he still has all of his so I can't leave him?

Start charging your partner child minding rates. You are doing the child minding after all.

You've posted before. Leave this month and start your life over. Don't pay FA into the joint account.

It was a joint descison for me to take the year off as we both felt 9 months was too young to leave DS. As it happened his sleep went to pot for about a month then so I was pretty much a zombie anyway as I do all night wakes.

I feel such an idiot for letting him sell my car.

There have been a couple of times when I've nearly messaged a friend but I'm not even sure it's her right number and I don't want it to seem I'm only getting in contact because I need something.

My credit is pretty decent so when I'm back earning I'm pretty sure I'd be able to get a loan from the bank. I'm definitely not going to go down the payday loan route.

I guess I'm also just a bit sad because I've seen so many threads on here about how supportive other people's partners are. How they step up when the baby is born. He spends most of his time at home horizontal on the sofa playing a stupid game on his phone. If I say anything about this he says he needs to 'relax' as he's been at work all day.

Try contacting your friends. The worst they can say is no, but I was delighted to make contact with an old friend when she let her abusive marriage and I would have helped her to do this if I'd known.

Don't tell him about the holiday pay, tell him work have delayed paying it until you get paid in August. Then at least you can use the full amount for what you need to do.

@CryptoFascist

Don't tell him about the holiday pay, tell him work have delayed paying it until you get paid in August. Then at least you can use the full amount for what you need to do.

Yup. You know he’s abusive and your planning on leaving so lie and obscure things as much as you need including faking extra expenses or work failing to pay you properly.

Did you have a joint account? If so then I think either of you can do anything with the money in there at any time so would this be an option?
Are you married?
Can you try and get a free half hour consultation with a solicitor or some advice from womens aid about next steps?

@Fernando2020

I've posted about my situation before but this time I'm fully aware of what I need to do it's just getting in the position to be able to do it.

I'm currently on maternity leave (the last 12 weeks unpaid) and have been doing one kit day a week which I'm getting paid roughly £350 a month for. This goes straight into the joint account towards rent and bills. I've been living off savings for the last three months, I'm down to my last £500. The thing is my partner has £20,000 in savings and has not touched this, insisting I 'pay my way' and put my smp and kit day wages into the joint account.

I just don't see how it's fair that I'm left with nothing when he's bought himself a £900 bike and various other expensive treats. I'm still mostly wearing the clothes I wore while I was pregnant because I can't afford new clothes. I'd rather buy something for DS than for myself.

I know I have to leave but my question is how can I leave when I'm unable to save any money to be able to pay rent and bills. If I still had my savings I'd be in a position of having enough for a few months but I've literally got nothing until I'm back to work next month. And even then he's going to be demanding half my wages into the joint account when he will be earning double what I do but paying less than half of his wages into the account.

He also sold my car to his friend for a pittance because he told me it was 'unroadworthy' but on speaking with his friend I've heard its just passed an MOT without even any advisorys. He has 'bought' me a new car but expects me to pay him back when I return to work so that's another expenditure that I really don't need.

I'm half considering getting a loan and paying the minimum back each month just so I've got it incase I need it. I've looked into universal credit and I will be eligible as I'm only going back to work for three days a week but it's paid in arrears so will be 5/6 weeks from when I apply to recieving it.

Is it unreasonable to think he's deliberately keeping me without money while he still has all of his so I can't leave him?

He's depleted everything you've had, over a long time. Play him at his own game. Tell him now you have the baby, you need to be married and just a legal registry affair will do. Present it as a done deal. Then take him for all he's got, plus csa. Play the long game.

Hide the holiday money, get in contact with your friend and sort out 3 plans- one is you stay there, one is you move into your own place and the other is move into your parents. Work out the logistics of each, how much money you need and have and go from there.

Speak to charities too, they'll have advice and resources.

You'll qualify for support until you are in a better financial situation, this is what benefits are for.
Even if things are tight you'd be happier without the miserable man you're living with.

Get a separate single account for yourself. You could get one from the same bank. Tell you employer of the change of bank details so the August holiday money goes in there. Then make your plan for August. UC, CB, put in a claim for CM.
Get in touch with your friends.
Sell car ASAP. Get hold of the log book and make sure it has your name on it. What car did he flog for this new car? Hell would freeze over before my dh sells MY car.