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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was she trying to pay me back?

50 replies

Thatnakedshowisweird · 10/07/2021 22:36

It was DD’s first proper birthday party last week. DD’s main toddler friend and his mum are probably our closest mummy type friends and the ones we wanted to be there the most. All been planned for ages, very excited.
On the night before the party I text friend asking if she has a lighter for the candles, it’s one thing we forgot and no time in the morning, she said she’d bring but had a covid test at the time of the party but would be quick. Ok 🤷🏻‍♀️
The next morning (day of the party) she texts really early asking if she should drop it to my house as she didn’t know how long the appointment would be and if positive she didn’t want to come and infect everyone. By now, it just sounded a bit bullshitty, I know her and it’s just the way it was written. I asked if her partner wanted to bring her ds and she could pop by later, all of a sudden she says Ds has really bad diareah and just that moment was sick everywhere. Texts 10 minutes later apologising and saying he won’t be coming,
The thing is, I know it was a lie, it was just so detailed and odd and I just know.
Felt really sad they couldn’t come.
She didn’t get Dd a present or message since, aside from to comment on my Fb photos of the party, but nothing private.
Just seen on her Fb story, her and a friend out at a bar, dancing with the kids 🤷🏻‍♀️This is two days later.
Am I being too sensitive to feel sad and confused about this.
Was recently her Ds birthday, I was really sick, and genuinely couldn’t go anywhere, so dp took Dd to the party and took presents etc.
Dd was sad he didn’t show as he’s literally her closest pal.
Would you be upset, would you make a bit of distance? Still don’t know why she wouldn’t come

OP posts:

Freddiefox · 10/07/2021 23:22

Maybe she didn’t have money for a present

TravelDreamLife · 10/07/2021 23:24

Trust your instinct, it's usually correct. I had a similar friend who'd have a sudden cold or diahorrhea on the day of any parties. It was so common I caught myself not counting her, her H & DS in guest numbers beforehand.

For her DS's 1st birthday party, my 6mo went to nap late so I texted we'd be there, but late & why. She was overhead saying before we arrived I did it as 'tit for tat' revenge for them missing my DS's party 2 months prior. I've never, ever, pulled that petty rubbish & was doing everything possible to get there asap. .She was very nice to my face when we arrived too. Thing is, I instinctively knew it was true as she'd said similar about others. I haven't spoken to her since. Frenemies are not worth it. I'm still sad 4 years on as she was great fun when things were going her way.

EmeraldShamrock · 10/07/2021 23:47

Your the best judge of the situation, has she got form for petty behaviour?
I don't think you done anything wrong at her DC party, your DC went with a gift so there is no reason for her to get you back.

Original poster

Thatnakedshowisweird · 11/07/2021 00:00

@EmeraldShamrock I think she gets hurt easily and can react bitchily to things
I’m not contacting now, I’ll wait if she texts me but..🤷🏻‍♀️
To not even get a present

OP posts:

QueenBee52 · 11/07/2021 00:03

[quote Thatnakedshowisweird]@EmeraldShamrock I think she gets hurt easily and can react bitchily to things
I’m not contacting now, I’ll wait if she texts me but..🤷🏻‍♀️
To not even get a present[/quote]

Yes to not give your DD a wee gift.. is shabby ... whilst you were ill your DH made sure DD attended and took a wee gift to her DS's party...

So she's being a pratt 🌸

YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 11/07/2021 00:34

You keep mentioning the present over and over. Are you upset that your DDs friend did not make it to the party, or that she didnt get a present from them? Seems its more about the present the way you keep bringing it up.

NoProblem123 · 11/07/2021 00:36

You were expecting this, so don’t be surprised.

Now you know.

EmeraldShamrock · 11/07/2021 00:37

It sounds like she is immature, I'd try widen DD's circle of friends, it's pathetic letting down a child.

GiveMeNovocain · 11/07/2021 00:45

I don't understand why you think she's lying. My dd was ill with sickness but as her temperature was raised I had to do a Covid test. Once it was negative and she was better we'd have been out dancing. They bounce back quickly. It doesn't sound a crazy story to me. I also wouldn't rush to bring a birthday present if I'd missed a party. You were ill and missed a party. Would you be happy if she'd posted you were lying?

stellaisabella · 11/07/2021 01:29

Tbh it's perfectly plausible she's telling the truth - you aren't friends if you assume she's lying off the bat.

QueenBee52 · 11/07/2021 01:51

@GiveMeNovocain

and this was your personal experience of a genuine situ..

OP's sussed her friend is not genuine 🌸

Stinkywizzleteets · 11/07/2021 02:07

If you’re this forensic with your mates, I’d be giving you a bodyswerve too. People have COVID tests all the time, results are within 12-24hrs. Kids get sick all the time. People make excuses all the time. People will go out when they recover or get negative results. No one owes you a reason.

You sound a bit clingy. Honestly, just move on.

QueenBee52 · 11/07/2021 02:14

@Stinkywizzleteets

You sound a bit clingy. Honestly, just move on.

Wow

GiveMeNovocain · 11/07/2021 07:27

@QueenBee52 why do you think your version that assumes the worst has to be more accurate than mine that assumes good intentions? I suspect we have very different assumptions of the motives of friends. If people are friends I start by assuming they aren't lying to me. Apart from deciding it's some kind of pay back I can't see there's any evidence for this interpretation of this friend's behaviour. A child was sick then got better. Probably a bit of over explaining because they hoped to make the party until it was obvious they couldn't. Seems a bit of a stretch to decide they're liars.

Fountaining · 11/07/2021 07:55

[quote GiveMeNovocain]@QueenBee52 why do you think your version that assumes the worst has to be more accurate than mine that assumes good intentions? I suspect we have very different assumptions of the motives of friends. If people are friends I start by assuming they aren't lying to me. Apart from deciding it's some kind of pay back I can't see there's any evidence for this interpretation of this friend's behaviour. A child was sick then got better. Probably a bit of over explaining because they hoped to make the party until it was obvious they couldn't. Seems a bit of a stretch to decide they're liars.[/quote]
This. You keep saying you ‘just knew’ she was lying, because of ‘the way it was written’, and ‘ I know her’, but nothing about the situation necessarily implies untruth — people have to have Covid tests, children get v and d and recover within two days. Unless you know this woman to be chronically dishonest, in which case why do you have someone you don’t trust as your ‘closest mummy type friend’?

MichelleScarn · 11/07/2021 08:09

Would you be as annoyed and have posted if a gift had been dropped round before you saw the post? It's not like she's hiding the fact she's out, or do you think she shouldn't go out at all now?

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 11/07/2021 08:22

The covid test alone would have been a good enough reason for skipping the party i think so maybe her kid was sick? Sometimes kids vom ramdomly and they don't actually have a bug they've just had something that hasn't agreed with them. Some people are a bit flaky others are really reliable. You can still be friends with the flaky ones as long as you don't expect too much from them and therefore aren't left feeling hurt by them.

beastlyslumber · 11/07/2021 08:26

Maybe she was lying but why assume it was to 'get you back'? Maybe she had another reason for not wanting to be at the party that had nothing to do with you. Maybe she'd double-booked herself or DC. Maybe she'd had a huge row with her partner. Maybe she was telling the truth all along. You don't actually know.

Thing is, if you are genuinely good friends and want to stay that way, then you have to let it go. Assume good intentions and move on. It's not a problem unless you make it a problem.

onceivepostedidontcomeback · 11/07/2021 08:42

If she was having a CV test at the time of the party the kid shouldn't have been there irrespective of who brought him/her. 48 hours later she's obviously had a negative result so went out.

I honestly don't see where your issue with this is?

Original poster

Thatnakedshowisweird · 11/07/2021 10:31

I wouldn’t normally look into things so much and am definitely not clingy. It was just so obviously bullshit. She said she was going for the test at the time of the party but it only took 10 minutes then she’d be there..does it take only 10 minutes to get a result?
Also the doctor was arriving only at the exact time of the party..
Obviously don’t care about any gift itself, but if you were due to come until the night before, you’d already have a gift, surely?
It’s just the total cba ness of it, I’ve done so much for her, just feels a bit sad

OP posts:

GiveMeNovocain · 11/07/2021 11:30

Well you've obviously made up your mind that she's lying so you may as well downgrade her to acquaintance. Getting a COVID test on my dd was really awful. She cried and it hurt. It was hot in the back of the car and we were distressed because she was ill and hurting. I might not have sent a perfectly crafted and lucid text either.

QueenBee52 · 11/07/2021 12:42

@GiveMeNovocain

its not about you...

QueenBee52 · 11/07/2021 12:44

@Thatnakedshowisweird

I wouldn’t normally look into things so much and am definitely not clingy. It was just so obviously bullshit. She said she was going for the test at the time of the party but it only took 10 minutes then she’d be there..does it take only 10 minutes to get a result? Also the doctor was arriving only at the exact time of the party.. Obviously don’t care about any gift itself, but if you were due to come until the night before, you’d already have a gift, surely? It’s just the total cba ness of it, I’ve done so much for her, just feels a bit sad

You know what happened... and the reason why.. just don't be so available now OP 🌸

GiveMeNovocain · 11/07/2021 14:03

@QueenBee52 it may very well as well be about me. I had to cancel a long-standing commitment in pretty much identical circumstances. I'm not sure why you're so keen to egg on the end of a close friendship 🤷‍♀️

WhenwillSleephappen · 11/07/2021 14:56

It’s a shame she hasn’t popped by to drop off a present yet if she’s now feeling better (based on her being out and her son)

I don’t think there is anything wrong with them being out two days later - clearly she doesn’t have Covid and he must be better. However, it’s annoying she hasn’t text to ask if she could stop by to see you and your child.

I’d perhaps text and invite her over. See what she says. If she says she’s still ill you’ll know it’s all rubbish.

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