AIBU to miss MIL bday incase DS catches Norovirus (remote chance)

[freckles20]

DS(14) is due to stay with his dad tomorrow for 6 days. His dad lives 2.5 hours away, they don't see each other very often, maybe once every two months and it has been years since they have spent longer than two days together.

DS has been struggling with some quite severe MH problems. I won't go into too much detail but he has low mood, anxiety, dark thoughts and suicidal ideation. He is under CAMHS crisis care and both he and they are happy that he's visiting his dad.

Since things got tough in January I have struggled, I have been terrified, confused and anxious. I've supported DS as best as I can, he has no idea that I'm struggling as he needs to know that I have his back and I am strong for the both of us. I do not sleep until DS is asleep, which is at least 1am, sometimes 3-4am. I am not able to leave him alone so have altered my work to school hours, and have work booked in next week because DS will be with his dad.

I have a wonderful supportive husband. It's his mums bday and we have had tonight pencilled in for weeks for us to visit with DH's sister and family for a meal.

DNiece has norovirus. Caught at work on Tuesday. She has been very unwell. She isn't going this evening but her mum, dad and brother are going and they all live together. None have any norovirus symptoms.

I've read on an NHS site that the incubation period is 12 hours- 3 days and that you can be contagious without symptoms.

I feel I can't risk DS catching norovirus. He's so looking forward to his trip to his dad's, I desperately need a break from his care. I love him more than anything but I'm close to the edge and right now I need this break more than anything else in the world.

DH is really upset and cross that I don't want DS or I to go. He is still going and that's fine. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and that his family will be upset and think I am being silly. They are fully aware of the situation with DS. We usually get together quite often although due to Covid it's been tricky.

I know the risk is small but I don't feel that I dare take it.

DH is usually lovely and reasonable so I am not sure if I am being unreasonable in not going?

@Vanishun

Your DH will bring it back anyway.

Why isn't he taking night shifts too?

I know DH could get it anyway but we will be leaving early tomorrow so DS and DH will barely see each other, if at all.

I know I might catch it off DH but I'll just have to deal with it- my main priority is to get DS to his dad's without him catching it.

DH doesn't do night shifts as I do most of the tricky parts of parenting. It's always been that way and until recently it has worked well. He's a great step dad and DS loves him. He also works longer hours than me, need his sleep more and is useless past 10.30pm.

@MamaBearThius thank you for your kind words.

Don't feel pressured into going, your health is important & you need that break

Update: DH went. DS and I stayed at home. He has a friend over so was happy with that.

Good to hear it. Hope you get some respite.

I’ve had Noro twice and it was horrific. My temp stayed at over 40 for 5 days. I was confused, kept soiling myself, there’s no warning for the vomit so it just kept projectil-ing (not a word I know ) out of my mouth all over the house. My then 1YO had it too, and was on my back in the sling whilst I vomited, and she would vomit over my shoulder.

The worst week of my parenting life so far, in terms of bugs they bring back from daycare.

Sounds like youre being hysterical to me. You could go to the shop tomorrow and catch a virus from someone then.

Usually I’m pretty relaxed about this sort of thing but I think you made the right decision. These stomach things can be unbelievably contagious. I’m probably biased at the moment, as the toddler brought home a bug on Friday evening and it’s now gone through everyone in the house, despite scrupulous hand washing and hygiene. DH even slept separately to me last night but he’s just started symptoms, so looks like he’s going to be in the thick of it during the football, which is gutting. Apparently there are an abnormally high amount of viruses like this going around at this type of year, due to them being suppressed during the winter lockdown.

I hope that your DS has a really lovely time and that you get the respite you deserve

Decent hand hygiene rules out norovirus!

@Bringithome

Sounds like youre being hysterical to me. You could go to the shop tomorrow and catch a virus from someone then.

Yes having a child who is so poorly that they want to end their life plus a lack of sleep can mean I'm prone to the odd moment of hysterical thinking.

Any practical tips for avoiding hysteria would be gratefully received.

@Sandsnake thank you

@GetTaeFuck ugh that sounds horrible, it must have been a very tough week!

@Bringithome think the OP is being cautious not hysterical. I wouldn't be too keen meeting up with a family who could be harbouring norovirus, even without the issues OP has.

@motogogo

Decent hand hygiene rules out norovirus!

It really isn't the only route for spread. Food prep is hugely important too in spread, as is sharing utensils. Also caring for someone ill can lead to inhaling particles.

Here's a study on airborne transmission of norovirus: academic.oup.com/cid/article/70/10/2023/5525424.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable given the circumstances. You’re just putting your son’s needs ahead of your MIL’s which is completely understandable.

[quote MRex]Here's a study on airborne transmission of norovirus: academic.oup.com/cid/article/70/10/2023/5525424.[/quote]
Thank you. That's interesting and suggests that norovirus can be airborne in breath for some time especially after someone has vomited.

I'm our case the food was a fondue which does offer some opportunities for things to be passed via shared food and utensils. A small risk probably but not one that I wanted to take.