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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

To be very annoyed with my ex

24 replies

miezi · 10/07/2021 17:43

DS is 15. He was staying with his dad all week as I had to work nights. This rarely happens and he's usually there every other weekend.

DS came home this morning and just went to sleep. I thought this was strange but I thought he mustve went to bed late. When he woke up, I asked him if he was ok and he said no, he told me he felt sick, he had stomach ache and he just felt unwell. Apparently, he'd felt like that all week but his dad forced him to go to school and after school one of the days, he told him he felt really sick and his dad said he didn't care. DS also said he didn't eat dinner most of the days. DS never pretends to be ill and even if he did, surely my ex would realise he's not pretending? He's just had some toast and now he's asleep again so he's clearly unwell.

OP posts:

Mintjulia · 10/07/2021 17:46

YANBU

Well, you now know his dad is a selfish irresponsible prat (if you didn't already). A good thing your ds is almost old enough to stay overnight on his own.

MotionActivatedDog · 10/07/2021 17:48

Why didn’t your DS contact you?

RedHelenB · 10/07/2021 17:49

He coped with going to school, wasn't actually sick so can't see the problem? A lot of school has been missed this year and at age 15 he's doing his GCSE studies?

30degreesandmeltinghere · 10/07/2021 17:49

Has he had a covid test?

Original poster

miezi · 10/07/2021 18:04

@RedHelenB

He coped with going to school, wasn't actually sick so can't see the problem? A lot of school has been missed this year and at age 15 he's doing his GCSE studies?

He's finished his mock exams.

I'm more annoying that my ex told ds he didn't care about him feeling sick.

No, he hasn't had a covid test.

OP posts:

PumpkinKlNG · 10/07/2021 18:07

Wouldn’t he have been sent home from school if he was sick? Maybe ex didn’t want to bother you? He could have contacted you himself at 15?

HugeAckmansWife · 10/07/2021 18:09

Don't worry op, someone will be along in a minute to say how amazing your ex is to have helped you out when you were working and doing your childcare for you and you can't possibly have expected him to actively parent and care as well. Lots of fluid and plain food, hope your DS is OK.

Original poster

miezi · 10/07/2021 18:18

@PumpkinKlNG

Wouldn’t he have been sent home from school if he was sick? Maybe ex didn’t want to bother you? He could have contacted you himself at 15?

I'm not annoyed at not being contacted. I'm annoyed at him forcing DS to go to school when he's unwell and him saying he doesn't care when DS told him he felt unwell.

OP posts:

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/07/2021 18:44

I have lost count of the number of times I have said to my kids don't care unless you are actually sick you are going to school.

RedHelenB · 10/07/2021 18:45

The not caring b it is harsh but I think your ex was right. He's have been sent home from school if he's really been ill.

Royalbloo · 10/07/2021 18:49

If he wasn't actually sick I'd have sent him too. Would you say the same if he'd been staying with your Mum or sister?

Youdiditanyway · 10/07/2021 18:52

Surely he has a phone at his age so easily could have contacted you himself? The school also would have contacted you to collect him if he was sick enough. I’d say he’s putting it on a bit, it’s unlikely he’s felt nauseous for a week straight without a fever or any other symptoms such as vomiting or diarrhoea.

Original poster

miezi · 10/07/2021 19:11

I don't think he's pretending to be ill as its now also the weekend so he doesn't have a reason to pretend.

OP posts:

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 10/07/2021 19:33

@sweeneytoddsrazor

I have lost count of the number of times I have said to my kids don't care unless you are actually sick you are going to school.

Well done! But we are now in a pandemic and the OP has a right to be a little bit concerned.

GiantWingedWaspMoth · 10/07/2021 19:37

Nausea and stomachache are symptoms of covid in children.

I would definitely be getting him tested.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/07/2021 19:40

And the fact that we are in the middle of a pandemic and school didn't think he was ill enough to send home should speak for itself really. Pre covid most schools were very quick anyway to send pupils home. But since covid the slightest sign of being unwell results in a call to parents

BrilliantBetty · 10/07/2021 19:47

YANBU. If he was feeling unwell it's really miserable to be forced to school instead of allowed to recover at home. How much will he learn while poorly? Not much.
And how unkind to have no sympathy towards his child.

WorraLiberty · 10/07/2021 19:51

Are you sure he's not playing it up a bit now he's home?

I'm not saying he isn't unwell, but could he be making more of a 'thing' of it?

I only ask because 1) Surely he'd get the teacher to send him home and 2) Surely he'd text or call you at some point during the week?

Not eating dinner when you're unwell isn't unusual though.

Original poster

miezi · 11/07/2021 13:41

DS’ school doesn't send children home unless they're actually sick.

DS has told me that he told his teacher he felt sick but she told him to see how he is after lunch and he told her he still felt sick and she told him there wasn't long left until he could go home so he'd be fine. He also said he was sick in his dads car after school and his dad called him a dickhead () but still made him go to school the next day. His dad also took his phone off of him as a punishment for something he didn't do.

He still doesn't feel better, and he did feel hot earlier but not sure if it was a fever as I don't know where the thermometer is.

OP posts:

spurs4ever · 11/07/2021 13:45

Making them go to school for one day feeling ill wouldn't worry me. Complaining of feeling ill and not eating all week is different. OP is he your youngest? Maybe you could rethink the arrangements for when you're on nights x

perl0 · 11/07/2021 14:42

I'd be annoyed too, your poor DS.

Original poster

miezi · 11/07/2021 15:18

He's my only DC. My DP has said he can stay with him next time though which should be ok as I trust him.

OP posts:

MNHQ

CarolineMumsnet · 11/07/2021 15:44

Sorry folks but there are a couple of things we need to check out on this one - we'll remove the thread in a moment while we look through things.

PumpkinKlNG · 11/07/2021 15:45

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