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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you have done in this situation?

35 replies

Brogan78 · 10/07/2021 14:00

I’m just curious to know if my view is in the minority here. My mother dropped me off to a train station for a celebration event related to finishing my degree. In the car I had a necklace in my hand which I was going to put on before getting out of the car. As I get on the train I realise that I did not put it on but also do not have it in my bag or remember putting it down anywhere. I text my mum and ask if she would please look in the car for it as I would be very upset if it was lost ( given that it was a 21st present from her) She texts back and says that it is indeed in the car, so relieved I just carry on with my day. Later that night when she collects me from the station she tells me that she didn’t find the necklace and did not want to tell me and ruin my day. I was really annoyed as if she had said it wasn’t in the car I would have asked her to go back to the station car park and have a look on the floor where we were parked ( this is the only other logical place It could be) but by that point a whole day had gone by and unfortunately the area is not one where things are likely to be handed in. I feel that it is worse having that false sense of relief only to be told later on that she lied. She cannot see the problem and stands by her decision. So if you were her would you have told the truth or lied to stop it from ruining the day?
( we haven’t fallen out over it because I accept that she didn’t lie to be horrible but I still think it was wrong)

Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at the lie?

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 10/07/2021 14:03

What a daft thing for her to do.

BellyFlipFlop · 10/07/2021 14:06

The other day I offered DP an ice cream lolly from the fridge. He asked if there was another left for me to eat later. I lied and said yes so he accepted and enjoyed his lolly rather than insist I have it. That is acceptable. What your mum did is not.

If she had lied but then gone to effort to find it,go back to the station etc I'd be less annoyed.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 10/07/2021 14:07

Presumably, knowing it wasn't in the car, she checked the car park?

Even if she didn't, she was trying to be kind and thoughtful, and did it with best intentions.

yahyahs22 · 10/07/2021 14:07

I would've just said no its not in here but look st her intentions regardless whether you like the outcome. Her intentions were to save you from having a bad day, bless her. Cut her some slack.

PocketSize · 10/07/2021 14:11

Why didnt you just put it on in the car?

ObviousNameChage · 10/07/2021 14:12

It depends... did she tell you that because she couldn't be arsed to go back and look for it rather than not wanting to upset you? You'll know that better than us.

Once she knew you lost it did she go back to look for it at all?

Has she looked in the car properly?

If she's genuine in her intent then it wouldn't bother me too much. I'd be sad/upset at losing it but I wouldn't put it on her or think that her actions are the cause for the necklace being gone.

0None0 · 10/07/2021 14:14

The trouble is, you wont believe her the next time she tells you something reassuring

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 10/07/2021 14:15

@PocketSize

Why didnt you just put it on in the car?
Unhelpful.

I can see what your mum was trying to do, but in hindsight it was probably the wrong thing to do.

5475878237NC · 10/07/2021 14:16

If she didn't go back to look for it I'd be really annoyed. Sometimes people doing us favours actually just take our choices away.

FunTimes2020 · 10/07/2021 14:18

@PocketSize

Why didnt you just put it on in the car?
Hmm
2bazookas · 10/07/2021 14:21

Stop blaming your mum. Recognise that the loss of your necklace is your fault not hers. You're not a child any more.

MrsToothyBitch · 10/07/2021 14:28

She was trying to be nice, focus on the thought. It's all you can do xxx

Original poster
Brogan78 · 10/07/2021 14:28

Never in that post have I blamed her for it? What you’ve said is completely unrelated to the question I posted. Loosing the necklace- all my fault , I feel guilty enough so thank you for reinforcing that for me. No I’m not a child, thanks for clearing that up.

OP posts:
Roodicus21 · 10/07/2021 14:30

I think she was trying to be nice, however I would have expected her to have gone and looked for it also.

TillyTopper · 10/07/2021 14:32

Is she usually that bonkers?! I'd have said no, not in the car and gone back to the station to have a look and told you so you could check your collar/pockets/bags etc. I'd be pissed off with her.

Original poster
Brogan78 · 10/07/2021 14:32

She was definitely trying to be nice , I accept that and we are fine, both sitting here together reading these now. I was only curious to know if anyone else shared my view in that lying wasn’t the best thing to do as it made me feel worse when she told me. We don’t usually have such differing opinions like this so I was just interested in the views of others x

OP posts:
SirGawain · 10/07/2021 14:37

@PocketSize

Why didnt you just put it on in the car?
A less than helpful comment!
Bluntness100 · 10/07/2021 14:40

She obviously had the best of intentions, so that’s what matters, I do t understand why you didn’t put the necklace on, it’s very odd behaviour to just sit holding it. Is there a reason?

OneMamaAndHerGirl · 10/07/2021 14:41

@PocketSize

Why didnt you just put it on in the car?
And the award for the most unhelpful comment goes too............ Hmm honestly
Original poster
Brogan78 · 10/07/2021 14:41

@PocketSize

Why didnt you just put it on in the car?
I was about to , I then had a phone call come through and got distracted, by that time I’d got to the station and have no idea what happened.
OP posts:
OneMamaAndHerGirl · 10/07/2021 14:41

@2bazookas

Stop blaming your mum. Recognise that the loss of your necklace is your fault not hers. You're not a child any more.
Can you please show me where she has blamed her mum? Her mum lied and possibly ruined her chances of finding it!
HideousKinky · 10/07/2021 14:47

If I'd been your mum I would have told you it was not in the car and gone back to look in the station for you (if able to without being late for work or whatever)

Original poster
Brogan78 · 10/07/2021 14:47

@Bluntness100

She obviously had the best of intentions, so that’s what matters, I do t understand why you didn’t put the necklace on, it’s very odd behaviour to just sit holding it. Is there a reason?
This isn’t really what the post was getting at but for some context... My mum was waiting in the car for me , I take the necklace from the dressing table and was going to ask her to secure it on for me as it has a difficult clasp. So I have it in my hand.. a phone call that I had to take comes through and by that time I’ve arrived at the station and simply got distracted. That is my fault , I’m not denying that and I feel very guilty that it is lost. The post is in regard to what happened after that.
OP posts:
Highfive2021 · 10/07/2021 14:53

I’d be more upset about the lie if the necklace wasn’t from her. Did she check the car park and ask at the station?

Original poster
Brogan78 · 10/07/2021 14:56

@Highfive2021

I’d be more upset about the lie if the necklace wasn’t from her. Did she check the car park and ask at the station?
No she was already back at home when she was able to read my text asking if she would check the car for it. She didn’t go back to look and seeing as I thought it was found I didn’t ask her to.
OP posts:
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