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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday meal

22 replies

TakeMyMoney · 10/07/2021 12:52

This is for my partner.
My parents invited me out for a meal and drinks for my birthday. On the day, I receive a text message saying that they haven’t got me a birthday present so would I prefer money or them to pay for my meal and a round of drinks out.
AIBU to think that as they invited me out, they were already paying for my food/drink?

OP posts:
Hopdathelf · 10/07/2021 12:54

Not necessarily. If I suggest to my friend we meet up and have lunch/dinner I wouldn’t dream that meant I was paying. If I said to her let me take you out for your birthday, then I would expect to.

Nuuktown · 10/07/2021 12:57

Yanbu as it’s his birthday but I wouldn’t assume any other day that I’d be getting paid for

Original poster
TakeMyMoney · 10/07/2021 13:24

It was very much a let us take you out thing so he was a bit surprised that they weren’t originally going to pay

OP posts:
AnUnoriginalUsername · 10/07/2021 13:29

Yeah I'd expect if a parent said "let us take you out for dinner for your birthday." I would very much be expecting them to pay.
I think they're just trying to get out of giving him anything though. It's really wierd to text someone on the birthday to say you haven't got them anything and do they want money, it's just pushing you to say "oh don't worry about it, I don't need anything."

Hopdathelf · 10/07/2021 13:31

I’m with you then. Sounds like an invitation where they would pay. Are they short for money?

Returnoftheowl · 10/07/2021 13:31

I think the phrasing is key...
Let us take you out for dinner - they are paying
Shall we all go out for dinner? - no expectation that anyone paid for anyone else

wedswench · 10/07/2021 13:34

Would be weird to give him money only for him to hand it over to the waiter wouldnt it?

MolyHolyGuacamole · 10/07/2021 13:38

I'd absolutely expect my parents to pay if they are taking me out for my birthday?! But this wouldn't even have to be a discussion, they'd pay AND give me money for my birthday.

Is there a back story we're missing? Does he have a good relationship with his parents? Are they cheap or absolutely cannot afford it? Do they mean cover his meal, or the treat would be paying for both of you, your family if you have kids etc.

Need more info because this is utterly bizarre to me.

Original poster
TakeMyMoney · 10/07/2021 13:43

Parents aren’t short on money as far as we are aware. He can be a bit awkward to buy presents for at times.
Relationship with them is usually good, there’s some weird stuff going on but hasn’t affected their relationship to my knowledge.

OP posts:
MouldyPotato · 10/07/2021 13:47

Seems fair enough for them to just pay for your meal as a present. Maybe they've realised they can't afford to do both and are finding it awkward

girlmom21 · 10/07/2021 13:54

Just let them pay for a meal. It's what your partner was expecting anyway and they don't really need to get a gift for an adult, do they?

Original poster
TakeMyMoney · 10/07/2021 14:01

He’s not all that bothered about the not getting a present

OP posts:
3Britnee · 10/07/2021 14:08

@TakeMyMoney

This is for my partner. My parents invited me out for a meal and drinks for my birthday. On the day, I receive a text message saying that they haven’t got me a birthday present so would I prefer money or them to pay for my meal and a round of drinks out. AIBU to think that as they invited me out, they were already paying for my food/drink?
Yanbu. What CF's!
Remoulade · 10/07/2021 14:21

@girlmom21

Just let them pay for a meal. It's what your partner was expecting anyway and they don't really need to get a gift for an adult, do they?
It's not just an adult though, it's their adult child.

Can't imagine being this stingy with my own boys even when they're in their 40s.

girlmom21 · 10/07/2021 14:27

@Remoulade me either but it's not the end of the world. Not worth anyone getting upset over.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 10/07/2021 14:42

[quote girlmom21]@Remoulade me either but it's not the end of the world. Not worth anyone getting upset over. [/quote]
Who's upset? OP is asking what people think of the situation, no one has replied that they'd get upset over it 🤷🏽‍♀️

Original poster
TakeMyMoney · 10/07/2021 14:43

[quote girlmom21]@Remoulade me either but it's not the end of the world. Not worth anyone getting upset over. [/quote]
He’s not upset, just wondering if he’s completely misunderstood the whole situation

OP posts:
Remoulade · 10/07/2021 14:54

If your parents ask you out to dinner for your birthday, they should pay.
If a friend asks if you want to go out for dinner next weekend, you will 99% be splitting the bill.

His parents are being shitty.

Neondisco · 10/07/2021 15:02

Yabu. Only on mumsnet have I heard this idea if you invite people out you pay. I don't know if I have the strangest family and friends. But does no one else say things like. Oh its my birthday soon do you fancy some drinks/dinner? Or I really fancy this new restaurant do you want to go?

Otherwise all social invitations or plans, which gave to be initiated by somone (otherwise they wouldn't happen) would have an expectation for one party to pay.

NeedNewKnees · 10/07/2021 15:05

I wouldn't assume I was being treated for dinner if I went out for my birthday, unless it was phrased "we want to treat you to a meal on your birthday."

If I was being taken out to dinner as a treat, I'd probably think of that AS the present, rather than expect something else as well, but I'm pretty low key about adult birthdays.

Concestor · 10/07/2021 22:41

@girlmom21

Just let them pay for a meal. It's what your partner was expecting anyway and they don't really need to get a gift for an adult, do they?
This is just classic Mumsnet bollocks. Of course people buy gifts for their adult children's birthdays! Of course that is the accepted social norm. It's weird not to. Why wouldn't you?
Original poster
TakeMyMoney · 11/07/2021 12:20

They offered to take him out for his birthday so he assumed they meant they were paying.
We wouldn’t normally go out with them on his birthday as we’d do our own thing

OP posts:
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