Am I being unreasonable about friend?

[OneHundredTrees]

I have a friend who lives with her partner. They often visit each other's family, totally normal/expected.

She's recently told me that her partner's brother is a convicted pedophile. He has been in prison for his crimes.

I know she still agrees to spend time visiting him with her partner; gin evenings, meals out etc, and it's made me feel completely different about her.

I personally couldn't stand to be in the same room as him, in a ridiculous way I feel socialising with someone capable of those crimes is condoning it.

I was abused by a pedophile as a child so I wanted to ask if I was being unreasonable because of bias? I feel myself distancing from this friend now. :(

I’d feel exactly the same, OP. I wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye.

YANBU. I would cut her dead because this is just revolting. Paedophiles should be social pariahs. Prison may have punished him but that doesn’t mean when he comes out that his crimes don’t count against his character. How on earth do you sit with one and have a gin evening?! All I’d be able to think of is him getting off on abusing children.

@M0rT

I won't even buy Ballymaloe products after Tim Allen was convicted for possessing child abuse images. So I don't think your unreasonable at all. I was not abused as a child but I just can't give money to/be pleasant to someone who has done that kind of damage to a child. A lot of people hold strong opinions until they have to actually act on them, then their strength seems to dissipate rapidly.

Tim Allen has nothing to do with the food products, though — he was involved in running the school till his conviction, when it was announced by the family he would no longer have anything to do with the hotel or cookery school, but the food products business has always been separately run by Yasmine, another Allen sibling. (I’m not saying anything about the persistent rumours that Tim took the rap for someone else…)

YANBU. I am glad so many agree, also. I feel quite ill at the thought, and would not want her in my life at all after hearing this, actually.

They all stood by him though , if my father had indecent pictures of children in his possession, it would be a cold day in hell before I'd look at him again, never mind stand by him. As for rumours that he took the rap for someone else , sure they all say that 🤣🤣 his grandson tried the same story with the car loads of drugs he was caught with as well.

I would stop seeing her immediately.

I am all for considering giving second chances to people, accidents happen, people change, but a known paedophile will not change, and shouldn't even be out and a risk for kids.

By accepting to see him, she is condoning his behaviour. That's her right, but I would absolutely not do that. And I have never been abused!

YANBU. It's scary how many people lack the level of empathy required to show any level of disapproval for people who have caused pain and harm to others. I agree with you - socialising with him, laughing and joking with him, is equivalent to condoning what he's done.

I would feel the same as you. However, before I cut ties with her I would talk to her about why she does it and how she feels. It may be that she feels the same as you and me but feels pressure from her DP or his family. Just as you were checking out whether it's ok to feel like this, she may also need some support that it's ok to feel like this and to say no she's not doing it any more.

I've always said that being a paedophile is one thing, but acting on it (in any way at all) is a whole other story. The fact that he's been convicted means he obviously acted on it, so I would definitely 100% keep my distance. Imagine if they have kids together

I have sympathy for people who are that way inclined, as they never asked to be that way. However, the moment they do anything about it, my sympathy goes out the window and they can go to hell and rot.

I also think its really odd that she's felt able to tell you! If it was someone in my family / in-laws, and for reasons of my own I was continuing to socialise with them, I certainly wouldn't be running around telling everyone that I was having gin evenings with Nigel The Nonce. Wtf is that about?

I was shocked she told me, it took a while for it to sink in, I tried to feel differently but I just can't get past the fact she's happy to socialise with him.

I've just cancelled a weekend we had planned to stay with them.