To be dreading attending this wedding? (Covid and pregnancy related)

[Changedmyname1357]

I will be a bridesmaid for a friend's wedding in early August. The wedding is in central London. I am pregnant, and I'm feeling very unsure about having the vaccine. This anxiety is making me more inclined to have it, but I won't be double dosed by then even if I got the jab tomorrow.

With the restrictions lifting and the amount of public transport I'm going to have to take (trains, underground, buses), coupled with the prediction of 100K+ cases a day by that point, I am absolutely dreading it. I don't know how I can possibly keep myself safe and, honestly, I just don't want to go.

I know I'm a bad friend, so take that as a given. But am I worrying over nothing?

YABU - relax, you're being overcautious
YANBU - understandable, this is a dilemma

Don't go then?

Lots of people have worries about the current situation and have to make decisions that are best for them.

I think it’s fair to be worried but perhaps there are steps you could take to minimize risks and still be able to go?

I am pregnant and so far have had one vaccine dose and my second is due next week. I found it hard to make the decision to be vaccinated but there are some great resources out there that helped me decide to go ahead. It’s personal choice but with the known risks of Covid in pregnancy it felt like the safest option. I’d recommend the Pregnant then Screwed webinar as a starting point.

Like you, I also feel anxious about the removal of restrictions. It is really hard. I also have a DD in nursery and the amount of coughs/colds doing the rounds is making me quite anxious. Just yesterday we got tested as she has a cough and I have a sore throat.

How many weeks will you be at the time of the wedding? Below 28 weeks and the risks are much lower- personally I would go and enjoy myself if earlier on in the pregnancy. After 28 weeks and I agree it starts to become more of a worry. Is the bride someone you could talk to about your concerns?

I’d probably avoid underground/buses and opt for taxis with mask/windows open and make sure that I booked first class or quiet carriages on the train.

How well do you know the others in the bridal party? Could you ask that everyone does a lateral flow test? I am attending a work meeting on Monday and the attendees are all doing one within 24 hours of the meeting. That makes me feel a lot more secure about going.

Having one vaccine will reduce your chance of catching it or having serious illness compared to not being vaccinated yet at all.

In terms of the travel across London, can you plan to get a taxi for at least some of the journey so you don’t have to take as much public transport?

If it was me, I'd have the first jab. The level of protection offered by 1 is really quite high.

But I would be extremely anxious about getting that amount of public transport. To be frank, I wouldn't want to do that before a wedding pre covid anyway. Is there any other way of getting there?

I’d have the jab but certainly wouldn’t be attending a large wedding now nor using public transport. Cases are rife and with no restrictions will only get higher.

London is pretty empty.
Just don’t get on a tube in rush hour. Or don’t get a tube at all, get black cabs.
Hotel? Well they’re empty.
Streets pretty empty.
I love here, it’s not hard to avoid people.

If you’re a bridesmaid then I really think you should make an effort more because you probably will regret it if you don’t go. And damage a relationship.
If my friend couldn’t come because they were scared of London I would be on the face of if understanding but literally thousands of pregnant women live in London! I see them every day. What do you think they do.
There are easy ways to minimise risk everywhere.

Which trimester are you in?

Thanks everyone, at least I know I'm not being completely neurotic!

I think I'm going to have to get taxis everywhere but I think that'll end up costing £50-£100, and this wedding is already costing me ££££ to attend. I guess it's a price worth paying for the peace of mind, but it's still a bit galling.

As for getting the jab - I really want to wait at least until my anomaly scan before I get the first dose. Not because I honestly think the vaccination would cause any problems, but because I know that if there is anything wrong, I'd never be able to shake that little "what if?"

So that 20 week scan is the week before the wedding - I wouldn't have any immunity from the vaccine by that point.

I think I'm just going to have to suck it up and try not to think about it. I'd never be forgiven if I pulled out now.

Look, I get your anxiety I really do. But there are ways for you to do this with less stress.

I don’t think you should cancel. It’s too close to the wedding and I’m sure once you’re there you’ll have a fab time and be really pleased you did it.

Pregnant women are living, working, travelling and enjoying London every second of every day.

Get the vaccine ASAP because that offers a decent amount of protection after one jab.

Then work out a better route to get there. Don’t use PT at rush hour - Uber or black cab. Check distances to see if you can walk it instead etc. Wear a proper mask, not a fabric one.

I would only worry about this if you were in your third trimester. Just get a taxi there as you say. You'll be fine :)

I'd check how much an uber is, usually much cheaper than a cab (and you have avoided a train and hotel anyway as it sounds local)

Or hire a car with your partner? I have done that a few times to get across London without using public transport during covid.

You'll be fine. Its normal to worry in a first pregnancy. C.london is SO quiet right now (although if you can get a cab after the underground that might just be more pleasant in general). There s really no additional risk unless you're completely isolating at all times now. Have a lovely time! X

I’d have the jab personally, the first dose offers over 50% protection so it’s a lot better than nothing. If you could get an Uber that would also be preferable but I do think you’ll be fine regardless.

London itself is fine. I’d skip the public transport and drive.

Whereabouts is the wedding?

You need to do what's right for you and your unborn baby. I'm CEV and pulled out of bring bridesmaid in September because I just don't feel comfortable mixing.

Are you the 'only bridesmaid?' What would your friend do in your shoes?

Just because London is quiet now it doesn't mean it will be in 4 weeks when more mixing, people back to work and school holidays.

Don't go. A real friend will understand.

London is always more quiet in august everyone goes away. Usually it’s taken over with swarms of tourists. But obviously that’s not the case at the moment

YABU. You can protect yourself and your baby from Covid, but also the effects of your anxiety, by getting the jab now.

When I was pregnant during Covid the obstetrician positively encouraged me to go on a foreign holiday as the benefits of a nice, relaxing time far outweighed the risk to me and baby from Covid.

You've presumably had ages to think about this and the medical advice on vaccines in pregnancy is clear. Your poor friend is choosing to include you in an important role on her special day. Don't risk casting a shadow for her because of your confused thinking. Get the jab and then get on with it.

Ooh I'm going against the grain here - it's ok to put yourself and your health/pregnancy first. But before you pull out, perhaps you could do some research about if there's anything you can do to reduce the risk e.g. driving to the venue (they might have a parking space that you can use if you explain the situation), finding out how much of the event will be outside/in a well ventilated room, etc.

Stick to your guns on not getting the vaccine until you are comfortable.

Sorry, to clarify, I don't live in London - I'm about 2.5 hours away by train. I can't drive down to London (partner needs car and anyway, I'd still need to park and get public transport into central). I had a hideous experience on a very overcrowded train a couple of weeks ago, which has definitely increased my anxiety.

I'm reassured by people saying that c. London is quiet just now. Will that still be the case in early August/without covid restrictions?

I'm one of six bridesmaids so it wouldn't be a disaster for the wedding, but I know my friend would be upset if I dropped out and I'd feel terrible.

I think I'm resigned to taxis and just hoping that the train from home is quiet.

You can park in central London. It will be pricey but it’s pretty easy.

Your partner can figure something else out for the day.

At a time like this I wouldnt worry about people pleasing, any decision you do make (whether you go or not) in my opinion has to be based on you, your baby and family alone, anything else (like worrying about upsetting anyone) has to come second. You are pregnant in the middle of a global pandemic (numbers are increasing and rules are relaxing so you have every right to be concerned) if ever there was a time to put yourself first it is now. A true friend would understand this and support any decision you make. I personally wouldnt put myself in any situation right now that I wasnt comfortable with (currently 29 weeks pregnant) or for fear of upsetting someone if my gut was telling me not to go/do something. This includes getting the vaccine, I wouldn't feel pressured to get this either if your not comfortable doing so yet. Listen and go with your gut, you wouldnt want any regrets later on if all your decisions were based on people pleasing, you said it yourself you dont want to go, I would honestly base your decision on you and your baby first anyone who loves and cares for you will understand..

@josephine07 you're absolutely right, I completely agree.

I've had a long thing about it and I've decided to go, but taking every step I can to mitigate the risk. So, I'm going to buy proper filtration masks for my journey up and I'm travelling at a quiet time. I'll get private taxis while I'm in London and, apart from the wedding itself, I will avoid any indoor spaces. The wedding is very small and I think most guests will have had at least one vaccine. Not going seems like the nuclear option when there are smaller (if more expensive) ways to reduce my risk.

I'm still early on in my pregnancy and I have no other risk factors for severe covid. If either of those two factors were different then I probably wouldn't be going, but she is one of my oldest friends and I can't not see her get married.

... some things really bring home how f**ked up this whole situation is. The fact that I've even contemplated not attending a close friend's wedding because I'm scared of contracting a virus on public transport? Surreal.

@Changedmyname1357
Name change fail !

I get the stress
I really do

But remember that if you take the right precautions you’ll be OK

Get a jab
Surgical masks
Hand sanitiser
Social distancing

London is dead quiet the trains are quiet 🤫