Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU

20 replies

Newmama93 · 09/07/2021 09:45

Hi ladies,

My iron is level 3, I have ocd and depression but lately I am finding the looking after baby thing in lock down really unbareable. I have two big dogs who are getting less of my attention so I already have guilt about that, the. I’m playing with my 3 month old baby at every wake period which is every 30 minutes, we sing, read, dance etc I never leave him for a second. Sometimes I feel like just sitting on my phone or laying in bed, I’m stressing I haven’t bonded like other mums? I see everyone else loving every minute and as much as I feel I love my son sometimes I just panic that I have the feelings of not enjoying it and wanting the naps to be longer? I can’t see anyone or leave the house and my husband works long hours. I just feel like a really shit Mum. Sometimes I question whether I’m bonded like I’m supposed to because I don’t feel over the top in love with him constantly? Sometimes I just play and count down the minutes until the next nap.... when I think back and I was out in the sunshine with my friends I loved being around my DS and found him adorable, now it’s just getting through the day. I feel a lot of anxiety around my DS that I’m doing things right....

Sorry ladies for the jumbled post but I really need advice. I’m only young and a FTM.

OP posts:
Mummypigisalwaysright · 09/07/2021 10:31

Babies are quite boring. I think you are being too hard on yourself. You obviously love him enough to try and enough to worry about your bond.

No one has enjoyed parenting in lockdown. You're not alone!

TheSandgroper · 09/07/2021 10:52

When babies are that small, you have to be there. But, you can just lie on the bed while they have tummy time looking at something beside you. As one thing gets old, have another to put straight into their hands. A gentle pat every now and again or a quiet word might be all that is needed for a while.

Or put baby into a playpen while you do dog stuff. Again, you might be able to just pat once in a while. If your baby doesn’t like it, you will be told but it might work well.

Might that give you the space you need?

Original poster
Newmama93 · 09/07/2021 11:53

Yeah I know but I just don’t know if what I’m feeling is normal or if I’m this disconnected mother?! I feel guilty doing those things but I am miserable right now.

Thanks for your advice though ladies it really is helpful to know I am at least not a bad person and totally Abnormal

OP posts:
MaskingForIt · 09/07/2021 12:03

Bonding is a gradual and continuously evolving process. There is no one moment when you are “officially bonded”.

I think what you are feeling is pretty normal. The media etc sell us an idea of instant love and joy, endless coffee mornings with being babies. If anyone told us the reality is actually sleepless nights, exhaustion, a lot of poo and extreme boredom no-one would do it!

It does get better over the next few months.

My DS (nearly 5 months) will nap 40 mins alone, which is barely enough time to go to the loo, wash up and eat something, but he will go for up to 2.5 hours if I have him in my bed sleeping next to me. I have the light dim enough for him to sleep but light enough for me to read. Having a couple of hours to read a book/doom-scroll on my phone is helping enormously for feeling “normal”.

Are you getting out for walks? I spend at least an hour a day striding around the neighbourhood, either listening to music or a podcast. Again, it helps me to feel normal.

MaskingForIt · 09/07/2021 12:04

*coffee mornings with beaming babies

Justcallmebebes · 09/07/2021 12:11

"I can’t see anyone or leave the house and my husband works long hours"

Hi OP. I found the early baby tears pretty monotonous. I don't think it's just you. Can you tell us though why you can't see anyone or leave the house?

Justcallmebebes · 09/07/2021 12:11

not tears, years although plenty of those too!

PocketSize · 09/07/2021 12:14

Why can't you see anyone or leave the house?

BrownEyedSquirrel · 09/07/2021 12:16

With regards counting down the minutes to the naps.... who doesn't do this?! Babies are amazing but so draining and it is incredibly stressful keeping them happy and entertained.

NoMoreTractors · 09/07/2021 12:20

I think we all expect a massive rush of love as that's what we're told will happen but it doesn't always, especially with a first as it's a massive shock. I didn't feel fully bonded with my DS until he was 2. Allow yourself some chill time!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 09/07/2021 12:33

You play with a 3 month old- ease up a bit- you have a good few solid years of play ahead of you- rest, chill out.
Why don’t you go meet a friend or family member for lunch, take the pressure off.

Youdiditanyway · 09/07/2021 12:45

Are you in the UK or somewhere else still in strict lockdown? Just wondering why you can’t leave the house or see other people. If understand this thread if it were written 6 months ago but baby groups reopened about 2 months ago.

You don’t need to give a 3 month old your attention 24/7. Take it from someone with 5 children, they really don’t need so much stimulation.

maryberryslayers · 09/07/2021 12:55

Why can't you leave the house or see any one? We aren't in lockdown anymore. I have a 3 month old and we are out every day, seeing friends, going to baby groups, walking, swimming etc.
We also just cuddle and feed in bed for hours sometimes whilst I watch tv or go on my phone if I'm tired. They really don't need playing with all day at that age.
Get yourself out of the house and see people, you'll feel better.

welshladywhois40 · 09/07/2021 13:55

I thought I hadn't bonded with my first baby as I used to feel quite bored with baby play etc. Counted down time to naps and bedtime. But then when he was a bit older he was nearly bitten at a play place and my reaction surprised me as to how I was protective.

Babies become much more fun once they become little people!

And why do you need to stay in? I would find that very hard. Now I have a toddler we are out a lot and breaks up the day

TempName01 · 09/07/2021 14:59

Oh you are expecting too much of yourself, you don’t need to play with them every waking moment. The good thing about being stuck at home is you can start to build a really good nap routine. This age can be monotonous but I assure you it will soon be a distant memory and when they smile and laugh and cuddle you there will be lots of moments of joy to come 😊

Original poster
Newmama93 · 09/07/2021 15:52

Wow thank you all so much!! I am so grateful and think I just expected something totally different to what it is - maybe naive on my part.

I’m in Australia so we aren’t allowed to leave the house due to Covid unless it’s for essential services, can’t go within 10km of the home etc

OP posts:
TempName01 · 09/07/2021 16:21

By the way are you saying the baby sleeps for 30 mins then awake for 30 mins? So you can start to increase the awake time then the nap times should become longer, when baby gets a little bit older you will have longer intervals between feeds then they should nap for longer. What I was thinking is that it could be that you are over stimulating baby with too much play but all babies are different of course so it is trial by error at this stage!

Original poster
Newmama93 · 09/07/2021 20:01

Hey! Nope so baby naps for 30 minutes and then is up for about 90 mins.. he used to nap amazing but has just started to do this. Yeah maybe, thanks for the advice

OP posts:
MouldyPotato · 09/07/2021 20:09

I was in a similar position when we were in lock down. I think the thing to remember is your baby sometimes just needs you to be there, you don't have to play with them all the time they are awake. They are still learning things like what their hands are.

MaskingForIt · 09/07/2021 21:15

@MouldyPotato

I was in a similar position when we were in lock down. I think the thing to remember is your baby sometimes just needs you to be there, you don't have to play with them all the time they are awake. They are still learning things like what their hands are.
You’ll have the joy of watching them discover they have feet soon, and then trying to eat them 😂

On the bonding/nap thing, I found that sitting next to him while he was sleeping helped me love him more. He is so cute when asleep, sniffling and squeaking and just being him. It helped me cope with him while he was awake.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page