AIBU - sleep training my seven month old?

[Babymeanswashing]

I can’t say hand on heart DD is a terrible sleeper compared to some babies and it does make me wonder if I’m just not coping too well with the broken nights.

She wakes up every night at around 2am, which is fine, but she doesn’t want anything. No feed and no nappy. She just wants to be held. I do get this, I do. But it’s exhausting. It’s then a disturbed night for the rest of the night as she doesn’t want to be put down and she wakes properly for the day any time between 5 and 7.

Tbh I don’t mind getting up early but getting up early after being up on and off since 2 is exhausting.

I feel like there are so many conflicting voices in me.

One voice says she’s waking up for a reason and even if that reason is to be held then hold her.

One voice says actually it’s unkind to us both to have broken and disturbed sleep. (I do think dd doesn’t get enough sleep tbh.)

I’m really struggling to know what to do but I do think I need to do something.

Will she settle down in bed with you?

I don’t really want to co sleep. I know it’s often recommended on here but it isn’t very restful for me!

It won’t last forever. She’s so little still. Babies are meant to wake up in the night. I get it’s exhausting and tough (I’m a baby foster Carer I feel your pain) but it’s so important for them to get their needs met at that age. And being held and feeling safe is a basic need for a baby.

When she wakes up does she cry? You just mention that she wakes up but doesn’t want anything, so what happens if you leave her?

I don’t have any advice as we bedshare and have done from the start so I rarely fully wake up I’m just aware that DD latches to nurse, I hope someone else will have some advice.

There are a lot of different sleep trainings though so maybe have a google and see which ones resonate with you and your parenting style.

Thanks, I think I needed to read that!

Would you have any suggestions for trying to get her to go back to sleep in her cot? I know co sleeping is an option but she is often just as reluctant to be put down in the bed as she is in the cot, so it means I don’t sleep. I’m being a bit selfish as back to work soon and won’t cope as well with unsettled nights.

She cries until you pick her up yes.

How do you get her to sleep at bedtime? Ive read that however you get them to sleep initially, is how they associate needing to go back to sleep if they wake in the night. So e.g. if they are fed to sleep at bedtime they’ll need to be fed to sleep again when they wake in the middle of the night. If you can help them to learn to self settle at bedtime then they’re more likely to do it in the middle of the night. That doesn’t necessarily mean sleep training/cry it out though, there are some gradual steps that you can take.

She is pretty good to be honest. She used to have to be fed to sleep and it was hard because if she wasn’t hungry but was exhausted you couldn’t get her to sleep. Now she falls asleep on me, pretty much. I doubt she’d just go to sleep in her cot if I put her there though.

If she falls asleep on you at the start of the night then she’s wondering where you are when she wakes up in the middle of the night

You need to break that association and work on her getting to sleep independently, then she will put herself back to sleep in the night

The main change that I made with DD when in this situation was to teach her to fall asleep in her cot rather than on me. I moved to quick cuddle then into cot and placing my hand on her chest while she fell asleep, then next step was to sit next to her while she fell asleep but no hand on chest, and just gradually changed things so that I now put her down in the cot, say goodnight and leave the room. It took a good while to get to that point though, it’s a really gradual process if you want to do it gently.

Google ‘gradual retreat’ OP

Thanks mansplainee I think something like that may work. If I can stay awake in the middle of the night!

Agree with PP you have to break the association of you getting her to sleep by cuddling her, that is what she is looking for whenever she wakes because that is how she knows how to get to sleep.

True, it’s frustrating as she falls asleep the second I pick her up but then wakes when I put her down.