Feeling meh

[Wishywashy21]

Not really an aibu but I just needed to post this somewhere. I’m hugely frustrated with myself but can’t seem to give myself a kick up the bum.

Im back at work after having a baby and it makes me anxious, guilty and constantly worried. The house just needs a good clean and sort but I don’t have enough time. Lots of piles of “to sort” randomly around the house. I’m so envious of super organised people but it’s just not in me. I seem to take forever to get round to doing stuff. My husband is the same so together everything that should be simple and quick takes forever and sits on a to do list for longer than it should. Another thing playing on my mind is that we haven’t had sex since having our little bundle of joy - neither of us make the effort, both vocal about how we need to (in a casual kind of way) but none of us bother. Doesn’t help that our little one doesn’t sleep great. Even though I’m 50% to blame and not doing anything about it either find myself day dreaming about being swooped off my feet ( I do not want this at all I love my husband and want to stay together). I think I have a low libido which isn’t helped by the fact I’m overweight and feeling disgusting. Multiple times a day I think I should be dieting but I don’t. I overindulge in junk on a daily basis. Sometimes because I’m tired due to waking up frequently but equally because I have no will power - my clothes are tight and I feel so self conscious. And now watching love island is making me think aggggghh sort yourself out

Finding myself actually feeling bitter or jealous of social media posts and I never used to! Help! 😂

It just sounds like you're tired which is understandable. Unfollow/reduce social media, there's an instant boost. I've just started a health transition so am about 1 month in and the biggest thing was gradually cutting out processed food. Got an indoor stepper for under a tenner, then started walking more.

I find it easiest to allocate a time or day when I will look at admin. Even if I do just one item at that time/day, at least I did something. It takes it off my mind, so I can relax more. Sometimes I get a burst of energy to do it all too.

No one has it all together, youre doing great.

Ok the first thing you need to do is stop being so hard on yourself. From what you’ve posted you sound far more like a “normal” new mum than the types who are super organised. My husband and I were/still are like you and your husband. We’re not lazy but when you finally get a bit of time to yourselves the last thing you want to do is start tidying up. You’re also completely knackered which makes you feel crappy in every possible way. The sex thing is nothing to worry about. When things are more settled and your baby sleeps you’ll both be back on it in no time. You’re also not going to feel too “up for it” when your feeling self conscious about how you look. I guarantee if you asked every mum on here how they felt about their figure after having a baby they’d all say exactly the same thing. Well nearly all,you’d get the odd lucky git who’s “never loved her body more” but you’ll find these are the same ones who are super organised and they’re rare (or bullshitting). The junk food needs to be cut down but because it’s bad for you more than anything but that also will make you feel crap. You’re already exhausted so filling up with fat and carbs will make it worse. Stick a baked potato in the oven and have a bit of tuna or something with it. Easy and better for you. The best advice I can offer you is SWITCH OFF BLOODY LOVE ISLAND!!! It’s a load of bollocks!! Same goes for social media. No one puts pictures up when they look like shit or their house is a mess. I really hope you feel better soon and I promise there are thousands of other women who feel exactly the same right now. Unfortunately most of the time it’s just the reality of motherhood. Obviously if you get really down and it gets a lot worse then you need to see your gp but from what you’ve said,at this stage it doesn’t seem like depression to me. You need a good night’s sleep and a cuddle. Have a talk with your husband,he’s the person who will reassure you the most and it will make you feel better. Best wishes to you

Sorry I didn’t realise I’d banged on for so long!

I echo both posters, and dita has it spot on. It's tough OP but sounds completely 'normal' and much like my own baby experiences.

Nobody has it as together as you think they do. I'm expecting DC3, our youngest is currently 3 years old and we still have times where there are piles of washing sitting around as we are both knackered and busy dealing with the kids and other tasks. I totally relate to feeling disgusting and overweight too but there will be a time where you have enough energy to exercise and feel healthy again.

It sounds as though your DH is supportive and you are on the same page which is important. It will get better, I third turning off social media/Love Island though, I feel inordinately better since I ditched Twitter.

You are doing brilliantly, cut yourself some slack.

If you told me I'd written that post I would absolutely believe you.

I know it's a MN cliche, but get a cleaner if you can. It means you stay somewhat on top of things and the ten minute blitz once a week putting things away before she comes helps too.

If you find a cure for the feeling miserable and eating shit bit let me know! The worst thing is that I know if I just ate a bit better, got a bit more exercise and slacked a bit less when it comes to certain things in work I'd feel a thousand times better. But, the rut. It is deep and I can't get out.

This was how I felt yesterday, after a run of a few nights bad sleep.

Definitely take a break from social media and love island - you forget that it's these people's jobs to look unattainable and it isn't the full picture.

Cut down on one junk food a day - it'll make you feel tons better. Work wise, do you work from home or office? Can you get a 10 min walk in or a mini workout during a break - or even a desk bound workout where you stand/stretch/squat for 10 mins a few time a day? This is what I plan to do when DD goes to nursery in 2 months and I'm back at work xo

Wow thankyou so much to each and everyone of you. Sounds a bit dramatic but it nearly made me cry. You’ve all been so kind and have perked me up . Your all right I am so tired and junk won’t help and I need to turn social media off….not sure I will switch love island off just yet as it’s my guilty pleasure. You’ve motivated me to try again tomorrow, eaten the last of the crap this evening of course so tomorrow is a new day! Yes I do work from home and walk daily on my break but it’s not enough to counter all the additional calories 🤣.

@MindyStClaire sorry your feeling shit too! I don’t think covid and this weird year has helped either!

Honestly, it's really hard to explain isn't it, I used 'meh' to describe how I was feeling to a friend and she just couldn't get it. No words for when you're tired, like literally the tiredest you've ever been, and can't find a joy or excitement or even just general motivation to move about for the day.

I'm glad you're feeling better today OP, and that you've got some drive to cut down the junk food. Me too! I've decided that if I can't shift the weight while I'm breastfeeding then I can at least try and make myself feel better by taking care of myself.

Also, walking daily on your break is still amazing, it's easy to just sit down and do nothing so every effort counts!