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Original poster

Should I get involved or stay out of it?

39 replies

vroedv · 08/07/2021 21:44

I've name changed for this as I don't want this linked to my other posts.

Please no nasty replies. As this may be obvious but I don't want to ruin DDs friendship.

DD is year 10, a boy joined her year in
September. DD told me she felt a bit sorry for him as no one would speak to him and he would sit in the canteen at lunchtimes alone for the whole of lunch with no food. DD offered him some of her lunch one day, and then she started to buy him lunch occasionally. DD became friends with him and he came over here for dinner occasionally. I didn't want to tell to the school at the point as we didn't know the reason he didn't have any food and DD did say that he did take his own lunch sometimes and presumably the staff already knew if they've seen him with no food as the staff do supervise the canteen.

Today. dd told me that she again felt sorry for him, as his bag is ripped and today she saw a group of boys laughing at him, DD stuck up for him and told them that there wasn't any point in him getting a new bag now as there's not many days left before it's the end of the school year. He then thanked DD and he told her that they don't know anything about him so he doesn't know why they were laughing and not even DD knows and he didn't want to tell her as he thinks DD won't want to be his friend (DD will but apparently all of his friends leave him, after they know).

DD has told me that she's worried about him, especially as they'll have 6/7 weeks off school and in lockdown, he didn't message anyone from school apparently.

DD doesn't know anything about his parents or his homelife etc.

Should I get involved (not sure what id say though!) or should I stay out of it?

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 09/07/2021 10:18

I’d be slightly concerned about the part where he says friends don’t stay friends with him once they find out a specific piece of information about him. It could be nothing, but you dont want your dd getting involved in something that could potentially affect her wellbeing. I would report to the school your concerns though.

pilates · 09/07/2021 10:29

What a lovely daughter you have raised and yes I would mention to the school.

Sandinmyknickers · 09/07/2021 10:35

Its not sticking your nose in to call the school and alert them to your concerns. This is how safeguarding works. You tell them what you have observed, they are in a position to make the judgement with the more information they have, what they already know or dont know. You're not making the judgement, just supplying more information.
I am really shocked at the posters saying not to call the school and to "stay out of it"- OP isnt talking about getting herself involved/making judgements/going round to his house etc...just giving more information to the school and alerting them to an observation they may or may not already know about.

Rosebel · 09/07/2021 10:48

I'd call the school. Secondary school are large places and I'm sure some children do slip through the cracks.
If they already know then fine. If they don't they can address the problem (whatever it might be).

perl0 · 09/07/2021 12:02

@Livelovebehappy

I’d be slightly concerned about the part where he says friends don’t stay friends with him once they find out a specific piece of information about him. It could be nothing, but you dont want your dd getting involved in something that could potentially affect her wellbeing. I would report to the school your concerns though.
This was concern me too.
MaliceOrgan · 09/07/2021 12:04

your daughter sounds like a real credit to you

Original poster
vroedv · 09/07/2021 16:40

I phoned the school but the head of pastoral wasn't available, I was told that they'd phone me back but they didn't. So I will be phoning the school again on Monday.

OP posts:
Whatinthelord · 09/07/2021 18:06

@vroedv

I phoned the school but the head of pastoral wasn't available, I was told that they'd phone me back but they didn't. So I will be phoning the school again on Monday.
Oh how frustrating for you. Maybe mention it’s a safeguarding issue when you call Monday as they should make contact ASAP then
Original poster
vroedv · 10/07/2021 21:38

Yes I will.

Today, they planned to meet up but he messaged DD saying he had to look after his younger siblings so couldn't, but DD told him to take them to the park and they could still meet up. So that's what they did. They then came here and we had take away (his mum had given him money anyway). Their mum was working and he said their dad was too but when he was away from his siblings he told me his dad was drinking with his mates but he didn't want his siblings to know that.

His siblings seeing happy and they were very well behaved. They're 6 and 7.

Their mum picked them up and she did thank me although she was in a rush so we couldn't have a conversation.

OP posts:
Manista · 10/07/2021 22:15

When you ring on Monday ask to speak to a Designated Safeguarding Lead. They should either speak to you or get back to you that day. DSL - a set of initials that should make any school office sit up and take notice.

AngelDelightUk · 10/07/2021 22:21

He sounds like a sweet boy, but there is something slightly odd about it. Hope you get to the bottom of it

newtolineofduty · 10/07/2021 23:04

What a lovely daughter you have ❤️❤️❤️ x I'd deffo report it as others have said-poor kid x

Mistyplanet · 10/07/2021 23:09

I think its right to raise concerns with the school but you also need to think about protecting your DD. It could be that they are just financially struggling but it could be more than that like the dad could be an alcoholic or there is some abuse going on. Although its honourable of your dd to help him I wouldnt want her getting involved with a family who perhaps are abusive or at least neglectful. Its not your dds job to save this boy. I know this sounds harsh but there could be something sinister going on in their homelife you are not aware of and the closer they get the more likely your daughter might want to go to the boys house or whatever and you will have no idea whats going on. Be very careful.

Teenage0 · 11/07/2021 10:44

Definitely ring the school.

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