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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset?

22 replies

monkeynutter · 08/07/2021 19:18

Oh wise Mumsnetters please be gentle as feeling rather low!

Have NC as feel really embarrassed about this. We've just moved to a new area where we know a few people but not well. Decided to go to a local event today and a lady there asked how we were settling in etc. I said we were settling in well and luckily I can work from home so not much upheaval. She then proceeds to say well you won't be working from home for long in your condition and congratulations 😱
Admittedly I've probably put on about a stone since she last saw me but she knows some of my family so it definitely would have come up if we were having another baby. I'm not pregnant by the way!

She said it in front of everyone and I just wanted the world to swallow me up. I stayed for the whole thing but ended up crying on the way home....guess it's given me a bit of a kick start to get back on the treadmill.

AIBU to think people shouldn't comment unless 100% sure?

OP posts:

mbosnz · 08/07/2021 19:20

You are not unreasonable to be upset. Our family policy is to say nothing unless told, or if we can see the head of the baby crowning.

PerfectPrepPrincess · 08/07/2021 19:21

That's awful OP she was so rude!

Cam2020 · 08/07/2021 19:24

I would never, ever make that comment!

Console yourself with what a ridiculous big mouth she must feel! She's the one who should be embarrassed.

Royalbloo · 08/07/2021 19:28

Nah, that's just rude!

LadyJaye · 08/07/2021 19:43

@mbosnz

You are not unreasonable to be upset. Our family policy is to say nothing unless told, or if we can see the head of the baby crowning.

Yeah, me too. I could be talking to a woman who was seemingly mere hours away from birth, but I won't bring it up before she does.

If you see this rude mare again and she raises the topic, please do use the MN standard of 'excuse me?/did you just call me fat?' and enjoy the jaw drop.

Returnoftheowl · 08/07/2021 19:44

@mbosnz

You are not unreasonable to be upset. Our family policy is to say nothing unless told, or if we can see the head of the baby crowning.

Absolutely this!

Chloemol · 08/07/2021 19:47

Must admit I don’t have a problem biting back and would have called her out for her rudeness. Hopefully that way she won’t do it again

Mummyneedsacoffee · 08/07/2021 19:49

Omg that was so rude of her!!

Big hugs x

MrsClatterbuck · 08/07/2021 20:00

Something similar happened to me. My Mil rang my DH and said she was very annoyed at us. Apparently someone saw me and told her congratulations on me being pregnant. How dare we not tell her before anyone else. I WAS NOT PREGNANT. I'm apple shaped and have a tummy and it wasn't that big then.

cariadlet · 08/07/2021 20:06

YNBU to be upset by her rudeness.

YBU to feel embarrassed; she's the one who should be embarrassed. Hopefully she will feel mortified when she realises.

You aren't the first woman this has happened to and you certainly won't be the last.

girlmom21 · 08/07/2021 20:11

YANBU to be upset. Even if she thought you looked pregnant, it wouldn't be up to her to announce it to all and sundry. She's rude on about 10 different levels.

Original poster

monkeynutter · 08/07/2021 20:13

Thank you mumsnet! You've made me so much better and you're all so right, he's the one who should be embarrassed.
I just wish I'd called her out on her rudeness, I'd never dream of saying anything unless I was 100% certain

OP posts:

reallyworriedjobhunter · 08/07/2021 20:14

It's her who should be embarrassed, not you!

seven201 · 08/07/2021 20:16

I can beat that. I was at the Christmas party and a colleague asked me when I was due. I said I wasn't pregnant and then had to pretend to have fun for the rest of the evening. But what makes it worse is she put chocolates in my work tray the next day with a note saying how her whole department thought I was pregnant so it wasn't her fault.

TheFoundations · 08/07/2021 20:19

@monkeynutter

Thank you mumsnet! You've made me so much better and you're all so right, he's the one who should be embarrassed. I just wish I'd called her out on her rudeness, I'd never dream of saying anything unless I was 100% certain

I think that by not making a fuss you may have had the good fortune to appear truly dignified.

So, you: dignified
Her: embarassed

That's ok, isn't it?

MissMaple82 · 08/07/2021 21:57

Awww it's soul destroying when this happens. I feel your pain. Same thing happened to me once. I was taken something back to New Look and the woman asked me if anything was wrong with it, I said "no it just looks hideous on me:.. she laughed and said "ahh well your expecting arnt you" I stood there and momentarily considered saying "yeahhhh" but I said "errm NO" big que behind me all sniggering.. we both flushed beetroot red. I went home and cried.. People should just keep their gobs shut

FindMeInTheSunshine · 08/07/2021 22:09

Also happened to me. I said "I'm not pregnant, just fat" which was an instinctive reaction rather than planned, but it did serve to embarrass her so probably worked. I went away and cried in the car - the fact that I can't have children made it worse.

StrawberryDelight10 · 08/07/2021 22:33

Why would anyone assume someone is pregnant I have no idea. One of my friends have had the same thing happen to her and not only was she not pregnant, she was also struggling with infertility.

It's such a stupid thing to assume and can be so hurtful. I'm sorry that happened to you OP.

bloodyhell19 · 08/07/2021 22:37

A very simple rule in life: unless you can see a baby crowning, never assume a woman is pregnant...

I'm sorry OP, try not to feel bad. You're not the problem, she is.

Phoenix76 · 08/07/2021 23:01

It’s happened to me too, before I even had any children. A great big “congratulations I didn’t know you were pregnant!” came my way accompanied with a huge gushing smile while pointing at my belly. I just laughed and said I’m not pregnant, they were more mortified than I was. Hopefully the one that said it to you has learnt a valuable lesson but if they were doing it to be mean the best way of dealing with it is to show it’s had zero affect on you, I understand it can hurt but I reckon this happens more than we realise, please don’t let it occupy your thoughts any more.

Original poster

monkeynutter · 08/07/2021 23:06

@seven201 that is just horrible! Shows her guilt and embarrassment though having to justify that it wasn't her fault 🙄

@TheFoundations you are 100% right. Apart from feeling a bit miserable about being fat at least I can sit hit with my head held high.

@MissMaple82 sorry it happened to you too. It's such a shit feeling 😞

@FindMeInTheSunshine and @StrawberryDelight10 that is the exact reason why you should never say anything. I've got friends who have really struggled and I know a comment like that could really break them.

Thank you @bloodyhell19 & @Phoenix76. I think probably happens more than we know too.

Unfortunately I doubt the lady feels bad as apparently she's a known interfering busy body. Some people are just dicks so I'll take comfort tonight in the lovely people of Mumsnet not being dicks and making me feel better

OP posts:

pineappledreamscape · 09/07/2021 07:17

Oh poor you, it's awful isn't it! It's happened to me a few times, I am a proper apple shape and weight only goes to my tummy and skinny legs. I now just silently die inside and say in a sing song voice with a hollow laugh 'oh not for a while yet' and swiftly move away.

Mortifying.

And you're perfect, just the way you are!

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