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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave alcoholic DH

25 replies

Mooey89 · 08/07/2021 19:05

I’m only 32.
I’ve been married before and left due to DV. I was very young at the time and have a DS from that relationship.

6 years ago I met DH, who at the time I thought was the loveliest most amazing man.
He is a good person, but over the years it has become apparent that he has a drink problem.
He drinks a lot, hides it, lies about it. Every day. We’ve had so many talks about it. Always promises to change. Never does anything about it.

We tried for a baby for two years and nothing happened. Started looking at IVF and he drops the bombshell that he doesn’t want a baby anymore.
My womb aches for another child. It’s been so painful.

We don’t have sex - at all. Maybe twice per year since we stopped trying.

He doesn’t show me any affection and we spend all our time separately

But we have a house and a life together and we are friends. DS loves him and has never known anything but him.

I feel like I’m done.
I can’t get my head around being that person with 2 divorces before I’m even 35.
Wwyd?

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 08/07/2021 19:06

Leave

girlmom21 · 08/07/2021 19:07

100% leave him. You're miserable and you don't want your son growing up around an alcoholic.

Ohthiscantbeit · 08/07/2021 19:08

Encourage counselling and a positive change. See what he wants as well and see what you can do to work on your marriage before you throw in the towel x

Ifeelmuchlessfat · 08/07/2021 19:09

At 35 you’re too young to ‘settle’.
Keep him as a good friend and go and enjoy your life.

HermioneWeasley · 08/07/2021 19:10

100% leave.

Original poster
Mooey89 · 08/07/2021 19:12

@Ohthiscantbeit

I have suggested counselling, he doesn’t want it.
He just doesn’t think there’s a problem at all.
My dad is an alcoholic and my mum has stayed with him, miserable. I don’t want to be her x

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 08/07/2021 19:14

Your sacrificing your happiness, your future, another child, for what? Time to go. It's very, very sad but you can't help him. He can't be happy it would seem. You can. Your DC can. Sorry. Flowers

Original poster
Mooey89 · 08/07/2021 19:41

Thank you everyone.
I know what I have to do, it’s just so fucking hard

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 08/07/2021 21:06

@Ohthiscantbeit

Encourage counselling and a positive change. See what he wants as well and see what you can do to work on your marriage before you throw in the towel x
Counselling won't help an alcoholic. He has to want to change, no amount of outside input will make any difference.

Please ignore the advice from this poster who clearly knows nothing about alcoholism.

Teaandtoastedbiscuits · 08/07/2021 21:35

Leave. You aren't even halfway through your life.

DinosaurDiana · 08/07/2021 21:37

Leave now, find the life you want.

Wambamincorrectlyinstalledfan · 08/07/2021 21:40

You say you have a life together? How so, it doesn’t sound like it
As others have said he has to want to change, you deserve to be happy and it doesn’t sound like you are Flowers

RandomMess · 08/07/2021 21:42
Thanks

Please leave you and DS deserve better

DinosaurDiana · 08/07/2021 21:43

My DH has been saying he will cut down/give up for years, he never even tries.
You are so young and have a child to protect, don’t waste your life waiting for change.

Rothko2929 · 08/07/2021 21:46

Leave.

Daphnise · 08/07/2021 21:48

He won't change so you need to consider leaving, and the practicalities of doing so.
But please don't marry again.

Queenoftheashes · 08/07/2021 21:49

Of course you have to leave - thats your only chance of happiness here

FeatheredHope · 08/07/2021 21:55

I agree with the others. You’re far too young to settle for this.

I’d also say, it’s not uncommon for people to come out of an abusive relationship to find themselves in other sub standard partnerships. It is far better that you leave and grow than stay stuck. Life with alcoholics does not improve.

FrankieDettol · 08/07/2021 22:07

Leave. I did and the relief was enormous.

Graphista · 08/07/2021 22:07

I'm also the child of an alcoholic and there are many addicts that side of the family.

The best thing you can do for you and your son is leave.

1AngelicFruitCake · 08/07/2021 22:23

I would say leave and for the sake of your son avoid getting into another relationship straightaway. Maybe consider counselling yourself to help with next relationship.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/07/2021 22:25

Get out as fast as you possibly can. Start making plans right this minute. You are only 32, you are so damn young. You have your whole life ahead of you.

MrsBobDylan · 08/07/2021 22:36

Yup, leave. Does he have children already? I'm just wondering why he tried for a baby for two years, but suddenly doesn't want a baby when IVF was mentioned. Is it possible he has had a vasectomy?

Lots of alcoholics are liars, they have to be to be able to maintain their addiction.

rosalie11 · 08/07/2021 22:38

I’m in the same position as you (literally identical) minus wanting a baby and having a child.

I left him two weeks ago. Same age.

He started to steal from me for drink/cocaine.

Original poster
Mooey89 · 09/07/2021 12:09

@rosalie11 well done you.
I want to stay in the house. DS needs security. I need to get him to leave but he has nowhere to go.
To whoever said dont get married again, there is 0 chance of that!

OP posts:
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