What traits can be a turn off?

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If you've ever met a new woman, perhaps a new woman has joined an exercise class or is a new employee where you work, and you've taken a dislike to her when she's not actually done anything 'wrong' - could you describe her traits that make her unlikeable?

It would help me as I think I may be coming across 'wrong'. I've had a frosty reception at a local exercise class which I tried to persevere with but gave up because of being ignored, and now am experiencing something similar with a new local social outdoor activity group.

It hasn't always been like this. I never experienced anything like this at university (that was a while ago!).

I'll bet it's not you - they're probably just very unfriendly.

Resting bitch face. I have that kind of face (my lovely friends tell me ). I think it puts people off at first.

Lateness. 99% of the time no excuse.

you lost me at excercise club

@PoorPawsPickPawpaws

Resting bitch face. I have that kind of face (my lovely friends tell me ). I think it puts people off at first.

I definitely have resting bitch face but because I'm aware of it I try to remember to smile as often as possible. I don't grin like a lunatic though.

Traits that put me off: women who are very quiet and shy to the point they don’t make conversation or sustain conversation, or make eye contact. I usually assume they don’t want to chat or be friends or that I’m annoying them by talking to them.

Women who are loud and pushy also put me off. Eg talking over people, interrupting, forcing their way into conversations without listening first.

Some people I know are put off by ‘scatty’ people eg those who forget stuff, or bump into things, or ask if anyone has a spare hair/tie or locker change. I don’t mind that so much as I’m a bit scatty myself. Same for people who say the wrong thing or put their foot in it by thinking out loud, I find it quite endearing and funny!

But equally being super organised, dressed in expensive clothes, excelling at the gym class, having a super toned body and perfect make up can make you seem unapproachable too.

I’ve found the best way in a new group is to be smiley and friendly, chat to people on a 1:1, don’t over-share too soon, show you’re keen to make friends but let them come to you.

I'm at a loss here, when do you get the opportunity to talk to anyone in an exercise class? My experience has always bee to rock up just before it starts, do the class, go. Even if I go with friends, we might talk on the way , but not really while we're there.

@DelphiniumBlue

I'm at a loss here, when do you get the opportunity to talk to anyone in an exercise class? My experience has always bee to rock up just before it starts, do the class, go. Even if I go with friends, we might talk on the way , but not really while we're there.

Waiting outside the room for the previous class to finish, setting down your mat, waiting for everyone to turn up. There can be some chat between those who know each other during stretching. There's also the bit when leaving. I remember Davina McCall posting something on Instagram about all-female exercise groups should consider having a meet/greeter on the door for newbies.

Things that can make you come off badly at the gym:

talking too loudly
monopolising the time of the class instructor or asking inane questions of them (or acting chummy etc.)
lack of awareness for people around you re. mat placement
smacking your lips or making odd noises during poses
snoring during shavasana(!)
being late
leaving before the class has finished
talking on the phone while also engaging with staff members
not observing etiquette re. shoes on in yoga studio etc.
not wiping down equipment
bringing lots of "stuff" into the studio -- you don't need to bring you bag, phone, water bottle, earbuds etc in with you
drinking water during a yoga class (unless it's a very vigorous hot yoga class -- you will not dehydrate)
having BO

general things:
talking too loudly
talking about yourself
butting into conversations
making "jokes" at others' expense
being self-deprecating "as a joke" (it's especially weird when strangers do this because it's impolite to laugh)
making non-sequiturs
talking about money/religion/politics apropos nothing
oversharing
showing off/bragging
being over-familiar
not introducing yourself
not asking about other people
interrogating people (too many questions)

I wouldn't take it personally based on two experiences OP. I've definitely not made inroads into a few groups I've joined, it's generally been because they already know each other and the group is formed so to speak - well I am assuming this, maybe I'm really horrible haha.

Since you asked though, I've tried to think what might put me off people before getting to know them. I can't really think of anything but I'm not a great person to give examples as i don't tend to trust my instincts (they've been way off many times) so wait to get a fully formed opinion. They only thing I would avoid is someone being blatantly being bitchy, gossipy or trying to cause trouble. These people don't ever seem to self reflect as you are here so I can't imagine you fall into that camp.

I'd say continue doing things for the sake of enjoying the activities. When you meet people work out if you like them and assume they like you.

People who use classes as a way to catch up with mates

Something that doesn't put me off but I've noticed massively puts other people off: being too eager. Starting conversations with people you don't know and sustaining them. In UK especially people like to take friendship very slowly and carefully. In exercise classes I normally say one or maybe two things then shut up or busy myself otherwise people look a bit alarmed. But if I back off after one or two comments they greet me in a friendly way the following week.

Keep chat very general - about kids/school/local amenities and very gradual move on to what you did at the weekend etc. It's bloody boring and exhausting. I wish I lived in a more outgoing nation!

Are you good at small talk OP?

Chat about the weather, the news, parking at the place, how far you’ve come, then less into asking about others and their lives. Have you travelled far for this class? Have you done this sport for a long time? etc.

Being up themselves, for want of a better way of putting it.

Constantly talking about themselves and not showing any interest/empathy for anyone else.

People who are super competitive can be off putting