To just want him to think about dinner?

[NeedingAGoodNap]

My partner and I have a 11 month old dd. She basically eats the same meals as us. For some reason, all meal planning and the vast majority of the cooking has become my responsibility and honesty I’m sick of it! I work part time and need a hand.

Even if he does cook, he wants me to decide what we are having and then it’s question after question (“how do I chop the carrots for dd”,”how do I make an omelette”) . I then get frustrated as I spend so much time teaching and he never actually learns because he will ask the same questions next time.

His excuse is that no one ever taught him how to cook. I think it is his responsibility to educate himself and that most people learn from trial and error. AIBU in thinking basic cooking and meal planning isn’t hard and he should be able to help?

Have you talked to him about how frustrating it is for you when he does it?

Briefly: he’s a knob.

More helpful words: Hello Fresh.

Ugh. This sounds familiar.
Like many posters, supposedly intelligent DH, age 51 still useless in the kitchen.
I'm sick of being his supervisor (it's not a night off from cooking when someone keeps asking you how to do it etc) and also wondering why he can't bloody retain information!

I can completely relate to this DP had never cooked from scratch when we moved in together and although he was willing to help out it ended up with me having to check everything over and give instructions on how to do everything.
This along with having to do a meal plan and do all the shopping as well as I would get millions of phone calls if he went about what kind of mushrooms do I buy if it just said mushrooms on the list etc
I got so fed up with it that we ended up signing up to gousto which has been a life saver! We take it turns to choose the recipes and it has been the best thing for his confidence in the kitchen as the recipes are all pretty simple to follow.

This comic is absolutely wonderful! When I first seen it I was nodding my head off!!
Worth a read

english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

Ps my sympathy. I've fought this battle over & over.
My answer now is "I don't know"
I have even pettily reduced myself to pretending not to be hungry so I don't have to do it one more time!!!

We had a lot of discussion about mental load. Things have improved. Looking blank also helped a bit.

Yanbu

You're basically describing my wife.

I don't mind it 99% of the time, but every now and again it can stick in my craw.

Agree with others regarding having to help.
Worse than the not assuming any responsibility is on the very rare occasions she does cook is then being called him every five minutes to ask if something has been done right. Ffs it's more stressful than me doing it myself.

YANBU, although to be honest nowadays my DH does all the meal planning/cooking, but I do a lot of the other jobs myself (all the washing/hoovering etc) so it works well for us. Could you get a slowcooker and get him to put a simple stew/chilli/curry in it a couple of times a week? He would literally just have to chop up a few ingredients and bung them in, then forget about it (no worries about technique/timings/burning food etc)... We usually get double portions out of ours so you could also chill or freeze some for another day to reheat when you need a break.

My husband was a bit crap at cooking when I met him. If he's able bodied, intelligent and can read he should be able to manage. DH started cooking for us at weekends (more time to cock up and go slow) and can now whip up supper without a recipe. There's no excuse really unless he's picking up loads of slack elsewhere.

What does he usually do when he doesn't know how to do something? I use www.google.com

Find a YouTube recipe, get him to watch it, plan ingredients, and then follow it along. That's how I helped my kids be independent in the kitchen (rather than just doing what I asked or copying me)

My DH was just the same. I’m a pretty decent cook and we both work full time. He is now fully in charge of laundry, all of it. Shopping for the powder, washing Drying and putting away. I’m in charge of cooking and pretty much everything else is shared. Works for us, but took us a while to get to this point!

@jcoc147 hahaha what mushrooms to buy! Don’t worry I got a text from him asking what sour cream to get (light or regular) even though we were both at the store together! I sent him back to get one item and he struggled

Isn't it interesting that when the chores are divided up, menfolk often seem to get the weekly, non-time sensitive ones (bins, recycling, hoovering, lawn-mowing) and womenfolk land the daily, time-critical ones like cooking meals?

And if the division is to be fair, it means nobody should need or demand instruction or supervision from their partner more than once, if they have never done that task before in their life.

Sounds like learned incompetence to me; making such a hash or demanding so much attention that "mummy"decides it's easier and less frustrating just to do it herself!

I think you need to talk to your DH about mental load and explain why you are not going to take it all. If you can read you can cook. That's how I learned. After the birth of a child a lot of men seem to revert to the 1950s even if they have been pretty good til then. Don't put up with this crap.

…do we have the same husband….? 😂

1 simple meal that he does every (e.g.) Monday night - something like omelette and veg / baked potatoes / pasta and sauce.

Once he has the hang of that, up it to 2 meals on two nights...

You've got two babies.

One of them can read, so buy him a beginners cook book and tell him to grow up.

[quote beachcitygirl]This comic is absolutely wonderful! When I first seen it I was nodding my head off!!
Worth a read

english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/[/quote]
Yes! This is exactly what the trouble is! A great comic that really explains it

OP, why not sit him down and meal plan for a week? Work out which meals each of you are going to cook and then, when it’s his turn, go for a walk so he can just get on.

I think the meal planning should be shared. Arrange shopping between you as suits (maybe online?) and shove him in front of a Delia Smith TV series.

It is OK for one half of a partnership to do the majority of a task e.g. cooking or washing or gardening but both should be able to pick up the slack so it isn’t always all left to one.

so buy him a beginners cook book and tell him to grow up

Do people really treat their partners like this? As opposed to having a two way conversation, both coming up with ideas and solutions to problems and supporting each other. Wow.