DD is 7, just finishing year 2.
She has some SN but can cope with none uniform days.
Today is summer fayre day at school. Usually it’d be a whole day event with parents going in the afternoon to watch the school choir and have some fun at stalls – basically it’s a fundraiser for school.
Obviously with covid it’s an in school only event but they said the children could wear summer themed none uniform clothes and bring in none fizzy drinks and snacks without nuts to enjoy on the field in class bubbles. Children can still take money to spend on the tombola or to buy a small gift but it’s all scaled down and the letter said children would need no more than £2.
DD helped last week to choose a dress she wanted to wear and picked out her favourite picnic food.
This morning she absolutely insisted it’s next week not today – despite showing her the school newsletter and the text that came yesterday stating the date as 8th July. She refused to wear anything but school uniform and wouldn’t let me pick the snacks up to take “just in case”.
I told her that if we got to school and she changed her mind I was not going back for her dress and snacks – she has a habit of doing this everytime there’s a none uniform day or trip midweek, insists I’ve got the wrong day and will not listen when I try and show her it’s the right day. Usually I sweep in to the rescue by going back to school with her none uniform clothes but I have a lot to do today – I’m working from home so technically could but I have a huge backlog of work to get done before the school holidays start because I’ve booked AL (I could leave it to colleagues but I don’t like doing that).
Cue meltdown on the road outside school when she saw everyone else in their none uniform carrying lunchboxes. She starts shouting screaming, kicking hitting and even an attempt to bite me. Shouting that I should have told her or made her wear her dress.
I couldn’t get her into school and one of the other mums from DDs class went and got the headteacher. I explained what had happened and how I was not going back to get her dress and snacks because she insisted she was right. Head told her that it was ok not to be in her dress and maybe next time she’d listen to me when I say that she doesn’t have to wear uniform.
She reluctantly went into school with the head eventually, but shot me a look as she went.
I feel horrendous. I’m a single parent so I couldn’t have called anyone else to help. DDs SN is usually well managed – she has an expressive language communication disorder so sometimes things get lost in translation between us, she can understand everything I say to her (this has been repeatedly tested since she was 3) but she can’t always tell me exactly what I said or tell me what she’s thinking or feeling even on a basic level she will struggle to say “I’m sad”. She can get very overwhelmed which shows as overexcitement and because of the ELCD she can struggle to regulate herself as she gets frustrated.
At school she’s usually well behaved, understood by those who need to understand her (class TA who will move through the school with her, the teachers, the HT and the SENCo). She is never violent at school, and her classroom has a quiet area as does the playground for her to take herself off to (it’s not actually for her it’s for the 2 boys with autism in her class but it works for her to) as if she gets too upset her speech becomes even more garbled so she goes has a breath in the quiet area and comes back to try again. DD has a lot of anxiety around getting into trouble and behaving well at school – she’s never been in trouble ever.
She also has a muscle condition, which again is well managed by school but can cause issues with tiredness.
She is also suspected dyslexic and/or dyspraxic. She has memory issues so there’s no guarantee she’ll actually remember this next none uniform day – although school refute this and say she struggles to remember letter sounds and get them on paper plus struggles with reading and writing but thinks her actual factual recall and long term memory is brilliant – her recent report talks about something she told them happened on holiday in 2019 as an example of this.
They are generally brilliant with her, and her speech has improved a lot recently despite the lockdowns (she wasn’t in school during them). They’ve also helped her make lots of friends this year which she’s never had before, she’s the happiest she’s ever been.
But I’m worried something has been lost and she hasn’t understood. She's absolutely fine if none uniform days are on a Friday or a Monday
same with trips on a Monday or Friday. It just seems to be the midweek ones she struggles with.
So give it to me, Am I a bad mother?