Argument with dad ...aibu?

[lucy44xx]

My dad has always been hard work.
You will ask him what he wants for birthday/Xmas /Father's Day and he will just say nothing or at a push socks
Then if you just bought him socks or nothing he would say later "well you only bought be socks for my birthday"

Anyway the other day I was out shopping and I seen two lovely things for him.
One knitted polo neck and a nice jumper.
He is going to the races soon so thought he would look nice.
Anyway I was excited to show him as I thought he might like them.
Show him and he starts shouting at me
"I don't want them"
"I don't need them,take them back"
"How many times do you need telling"

He won't even try them on or look at them.
What's wrong with trying to treat your dad?

One of my dads famous lines is "you never do anything for me"
When I offer to help he says no.

I feel really sad and had a little cry this morning.
They were sale bargains too and instead of £70 for both I got them for £29

That’s sad, it’s always rubbish when someone doesn’t appreciate you doing something thoughtful. He won’t ever change tho, all you can really do is change your behaviour to try and temper your disappointment in him.

I know.
It's a shame because for once it would be nice if I could do something that just made him happy.

I'd probably have snapped back in this case, I wouldn't necessarily be proud of it but it's a thoughtful gift that you spent money on and to behave rudely shouting is not on. He could have quietly said thanks but no thanks, don't waste your money and return them please, absolutely no need for shouting.

If you paid by cash I'd be tempted to leave them on his doorstep with the receipt in the bag for him to use or return as wanted. He also would only be getting socks from me in the future and every time he moaned I'd bring up this situation.

I do believe in being appreciative of gifts, even if it's something you aren't particularly fond of. Most gifts are given because they want to give you something you want so I try remember that even if it's something I don't want, what I do with it after the gifter is unlikely to know.

I know it’s difficult, how old is he? One thing that really really hit home when we cleared out fil house after he died was the number of brand new jumpers still with their tags on, quite a few I recognised as ones either we or SIL had given him as gifts, but as much as he genuinely looked pleased when he got them, he was very set in his ways with things like wardrobe.

It is very difficult I know with my dps if I buy them something they absolutely need, they will use it straight away, but otherwise they’ll ‘keep it for best’ and as their health declines there is less opportunity for best.

Your dad however was bloody rude and I would be inclined to pull him up on that, but he is at least telling you not to bother in future. This is something it’s taken me many years to actually start to do, I don’t row with my parents, but I have on occasions shut DF down, there are certain subjects on which he is an arse and his opinions are proven to be ridiculous but he likes his soap box and I refuse to discuss it with him.

Wow he does sound like a lot of hard work OP, of course you're upset. I do think you need to just accept that this is what he's like. You can't win so plan in advance that he'llbe ungrateful for what you do give him while also expecting you to give more. It's definitely him not you.

I get him OP. My OH is very particular about the clothes he wears and everything. It's exceptional that something you buy randomly will be what he considers a good fit and comfortable. He even struggles shopping for himself.

I used to love to treat him, but he gradually tried to get me to understand that I was waiting my money and that it was annoying trying to pretend he liked something he didn't.

The penny finally dropped and I don't buy for him any longer unless I'm 100% certain or take a chance but know there's a good chance it will be rejected. His mum continues to get him stuff and gets upset when he doesn't act happy.

I tried to explain it to her but she won't get it. She refuses to see it from his perspective yet thinks he's in the wrong.

You need to accept your dad doesn't care for your presents. You are trying to please yourself by making him happy, but you're not. Let it go.

Its not you OP, he sounds a very rude man and I would simply not buy him anything else, If he asks where his birthday or xmas gift was I would also say it straight, 'you never like anything I buy you so I havent bothered', dont pander to him, he has said he likes nothing so leave him to the joy of it!