To be slightly annoyed

[WhatNow101]

I'm only slightly annoyed at this. Not sure if it's reasonable or not.
On holiday with partner. I've received a work email that needs a reply ASAP. I've said I'm going to respond to it. It would take less than 5 minutes.
Partner is annoyed saying I'm prioritising work over our relationship and holiday.

Partner talks to me for around 45 mins saying how frustrated they are that I'm considering replying to work email.
Then partner goes to watch football for 2 hours. Which we've watched every time it's been on this week even though I really don't like football. I don't mind the football by the way, because I'll just do my own thing for that time. I'm also aware football might be seen as relaxing downtime while away and work emails aren't which is why I'm posting really.

I feel slightly annoyed that I've been given the 3rd degree about responding to a work email saying I'm not prioritising us when they're off watching football shortly after.

Or am I being unreasonable because I'm still responding to work despite it being my week off?

@Sloaneslone

When you are self employedbits even more difficult. You can't just ignore something.

And if it genuinely took 5 mins, it's not different to responding to a text from a friend.

That's what I thought. It isn't like someone else can pick it up or respond to it. And it really would have taken no time at all. But it became a big thing of 'how do you think I feel when you're prioritising work over our holiday?' Then the football comes on and they're off!

@CurlyhairedAssassin

Did the person who texted know you were on annual leave? It depends on what the issue was I suppose, as to whether you should or shouldn't be doing work stuff on holiday.

Good job he's not married to my other half. Last year we nearly managed the whole journey to our holiday cottage but an hour before we got there we had to pull over twice into laybys while DH dealt with an urgent work issue when his phone rang. The third time I was fed up of stopping and just said I'd relay instructions over the phone from DH while he was driving. i think the record was a few years before that, though, when we were only 5 mins away from leaving home filling up with petrol for the journey ahead when his work phone went.

It does get annoying and I sometimes have to remind DH gently that he isn't obliged to answer everything to do with work when he's on annual leave, and it does pull him to his senses and he switches his work phone off for the day and just check it morning and night for urgent messages.

Could you not do work stuff during the football if you're not into it?

The person didn't know I was on annual leave. I then told them via message and they still asked me to email over the information. I said to DP I could have responded during the football which wouldn't impact him at all but the response was still 'that isn't the point. We're on holiday and you'd be putting work first'.

If you are ok doing your own thing on holiday then why isnt he ok with you checking your work email? Unless it puts you in a massive grump or makes you stressed or something that affects him, then from his pov it's just 10 minutes where you're doing your own thing that doesnt impact on him other than you're leaving him on his own. Which he then does to a greater extent so whats the issue. Its 10 minutes!

But of a hypocrite really, isn't he? 🌹

Are you sure about him, OP?

I don't see the problem with this.
He over-reacted.
And I don't see how it's any different to him watching football when you're not into it.

I am currently full time, but prior to that I freelanced for years alongside part time work. Those phone calls took place wherever/whenever and I was the only person who could answer them. I remember scheduling audition and rehearsal dates for a show whilst walking round a chateau in the south of France. DH didn’t bat an eyelid and just let me get on with it.

My DH is self employed. On one family holiday he flew home/back to our holiday twice in three weeks for work! It's just the way it is in some jobs, especially very competitive freelance stuff.

He's overreacting, but I also think that you could have left the work email to deal with while he was watching the football. Employers need to understand that holiday is holiday, and they cannot expect you to jump to it whenever they want, even if only for five minutes. When I'm on holiday, I put a bounce message on saying that I won't be checking email every day, and that anything non-urgent will get no reply until I am back. I do check in a couple of times, as there are sometimes questions that only I can answer, but I do that when I choose, usually before the rest of the family is up.

I don’t know know DP is a ‘him’/‘he’, for those assuming.

Sorry OP, your DP is being really petty and childish. You’re self-employed. There isn’t anyone else to pick this up. It was clearly a quick issue to deal with.

As an adult, we all have responsibilities beyond our significant relationship. How does your DP not understand this? Are they very young? Not in a job with responsibility? Just a bit clueless?

I agree - annoying that you should have to meticulously not mention things for fear of setting them off. That’s not sustainable or desirable.

Time for a chat - away from the event, perhaps when you get home, to clear the air, lay out how this looks for you / from your perspective, and agree a way forward.

It’s insanely weird reaction from him.
It is so normal if you’re a professional. If you work in accounts for the local council then I get you put your out of office on and away you go.
Does he genuinely not have a job that he has to answer for? Lucky him. It’s not normal.

There’s a big difference between using work to get out of being with your family and this.

@SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy I think we do need a chat about it at some point. It has frustrated me even further the more I've thought about it tonight.
Our jobs are quite different and although I can put an 'out of office' on, I also don't want to lose work. This urgent email was unexpected and was a 2 minute job really.

@MaidEdithofAragon Oh wow! It is quite competitive though isn't it, as people will just go elsewhere if they don't get a response from you.

@lockdownalli

Tbh I would be really annoyed if my DP was working whilst we were supposed to be on holiday.

Why were you looking at emails?

I think it's a totally separate issue to the footie watching.

Completely disagree with you here. A 5 minute email (which may decrease the chance of coming back to work with a whole pile of rubbish to deal with!) and a 2 hour (or more!) football match are not comparable. OP has chosen neither.

@lanthanum

He's overreacting, but I also think that you could have left the work email to deal with while he was watching the football. Employers need to understand that holiday is holiday, and they cannot expect you to jump to it whenever they want, even if only for five minutes. When I'm on holiday, I put a bounce message on saying that I won't be checking email every day, and that anything non-urgent will get no reply until I am back. I do check in a couple of times, as there are sometimes questions that only I can answer, but I do that when I choose, usually before the rest of the family is up.

2 things here. Some of us signed up for jobs where we are expected to reply on annual leave. I did. My renumeration package reflects that. And if I got an email that, needed dealing with while away. I would rather take 5 mins straight away if I can. That's more relaxing for me.

But the op is self employed. So it's different again. She doesn't have the luxury of just ignoring things for a few days.

I don't even bring my work phone on holiday with me. One colleague (a direct report) can text me if it's urgent.

@Sloaneslone @WineIsMyMainVice @lanthanum

Exactly. The email which would have taken a couple of mins would then allow me to just forget about it and continue enjoying the holiday rather than keeping it in the back of my mind as something I need to do when I return.
And there isn't anyone else who can do it as I'm self employed.

People she’s self employed!!
And the point is, someone ranting at you for 45 mins on holiday is a massive over reaction
You should be able to tell your partner anything and not worry about their reaction

This reminds me of when I threw XH work phone into a pond during a holiday where he just would not fucking turn it off and I was fed up with him ignoring the children.

It's really disrespectful. However, if OP's DP was aware he was going away with/in a relationship with someone who did not intend to have proper breaks from work then he has to suck it up I think.

@sophiestew

This reminds me of when I threw XH work phone into a pond during a holiday where he just would not fucking turn it off and I was fed up with him ignoring the children.

It's really disrespectful. However, if OP's DP was aware he was going away with/in a relationship with someone who did not intend to have proper breaks from work then he has to suck it up I think.

Imagine ops husband (i’m guessing) had done that!

Instant abusive arsehole, LTB thread

He sounds pretty self centred
It wasn't 'tch, don't they know you're on holiday?" It was 'wah wah wah - pay attention to meeeeee!'
Ironically before fucking off and ignoring you for 2 hours.

@sophiestew

This reminds me of when I threw XH work phone into a pond during a holiday where he just would not fucking turn it off and I was fed up with him ignoring the children.

It's really disrespectful. However, if OP's DP was aware he was going away with/in a relationship with someone who did not intend to have proper breaks from work then he has to suck it up I think.

I am not excusing what you did, but was your husband not interacting with the kids at all. For just 5 minutes, while he replied?

And then engaged? And just the odd email or loads?

Unless it was just an odd email, that took a couple minutes to reply to theb he was engaged, it's not really like what you did at all

Most people can reply to an occasional quick email and engage with our families for the vast majority of they day.

It's not just about this one email, though,is it. You say you often check work stuff when you're with your DP on days out etc. I can see how that gets tiresome

OP,

I hope you don't have kids with this twat?

You run your own business so this may happen.

Why does he feel so comfortable being such a hypocrite and lecturing you for 45 minutes.

You shouldn't be accepting this.

Have a good think, he sounds like a dick.