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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Worried about my son’s sleep

30 replies

Theheadmasterritual · 07/07/2021 21:13

He’s almost 3 years old and he’s constantly tired and grumpy during the day, as most nights he won’t go to sleep until gone 9pm. Sometimes nearer 10, which for a child of his age isn’t great. We take him up at 7/7:30 and give him a bath, read him a story and usually lay with him until he falls asleep, we’ve been doing this since he was tiny and back then I breastfed him too. He also has a milk before bed (cows milk now).
The past couple of months he’s been running around the room, jumping on the bed, talking at the top of his voice, turning the lights on and off and generally just not going to sleep until sometimes 10pm.
We are both working quite intense and difficult jobs and don’t get any down time in the evening because of this, we take it in turns to put him to bed but it means one or the other of us doesn’t get an evening and we can never spend it together.
He also wakes up at 6:30 everyday, sometimes earlier, so he’s getting very little sleep overall. He rarely wakes in the night. Today he had a nap for an hour and a half, but it’s always in the mid afternoon, so 2ish and occasionally he can’t be roused until 4/4:30pm which is what happened today. I kept waking him and he kept laying back down and going to sleep. I can never get him to have a nap any earlier, he just fights his tiredness, even in the car.
He’s upstairs with his dad now and I can hear him running around, throwing things, shouting and laughing.
I don’t know what we’re doing wrong, we try and keep a good routine in place, bath, book and bed but it’s just not working Sad
I just want us to have an evening together and for him to not be constantly grumpy and moody because he’s so tired.

OP posts:
KingdomScrolls · 07/07/2021 21:21

What do you do when he's behaving like that?

Mizydoscape · 07/07/2021 21:23

Sounds like you need to cut the nap out to me.

wetrainday · 07/07/2021 21:25

Definitely cut the nap out.....you'll have to take the hit of one very tired day but in the long run it's better.
With my 3 YO if he naps longer than 10 mins in the day he wakes seriously early! He only has 10 min nap if he's absolutely exhausted, if not I try and get him to push throu. Also, that nap is never later than 1ish. He would only have 2-3 of these a month though.
And I would start bedtime a lot earlier. We go up for bath 6.15ish and start winding down with books and last wee at 7, asleep for 7.30 at the latest.
Good luck

Theheadmasterritual · 07/07/2021 21:25

@Mizydoscape I don’t want him to nap but he literally falls asleep on the sofa at that point, or in the car. I don’t deliberately put him down for a nap, so he’s clearly overtired. But once he’s having a nap, you can’t wake him up, he’s out for the count for at least an hour and it’s usually mid afternoon or later…it’s a vicious circle Sad

OP posts:
Theheadmasterritual · 07/07/2021 21:26

@KingdomScrolls we try to ignore him and pretend we’re asleep to try and model the behaviour we want from him. Sometimes we’re so overtired one of us snaps though.

OP posts:
bounce89 · 07/07/2021 21:27

Must be the age as mine has started doing this! I put him to bed at 7.30 and he pretends to get snuggled in but then I can hear him singing and playing with his cars.
It doesn't bother me because I don't have to stay with him and just pop in after 30 mins and put him back to bed and then Dp goes in after 15mins and puts him back to bed again.

Could you focus on getting him to let you leave him in his room on his own and adjust to that and then he might start settling down earlier as he's not got the attention of a parent watching him play?

KingdomScrolls · 07/07/2021 21:28

Nap earlier, no later than one and up after an hour or so, if DS naps after 3pm it's game over. He's 2.5 and naps 3/4 days a week he doesn't always need it. If he naps earlier take him up earlier, bath at 6:30 alseep by 7:30/7:40

WorldsBestCat · 07/07/2021 21:29

It's definitely the nap. I had the same issue with my child at that age. Cut the nap out, brought bedtime forward and now issue is resolved. You will have a few days of grumpiness whilst he adjusts to lack of sleep in the day but it's worth it and better for him anyway. Avoid car journeys during his previous nap times and keep him entertained so no sofa naps. It is a bit tricky but is fantastic when you get the evening to yourself.

MiniCooperLover · 07/07/2021 21:29

No nap and start bedtime at 6pm so he's in bed by 7.

Twilow · 07/07/2021 21:29

No nap and be firm with him at bedtime as you would any other time, he's not behaving, so what do you usually do?

Siennabear · 07/07/2021 21:30

You need to stop him napping. Of course he won’t sleep if he has such along late nap. My dd has just come out the other side of this. If she napped she wouldn’t go to sleep till 9pm. It’s awful when they won’t go to bed and you just want to chill!
It’s that in between period where they can’t quite make it to bedtime. Try and spend time outside mid late afternoon and he can go to bed earlier if very tired. It does take a few weeks and she does have the odd nap now and then but just have to accept it will be a late bedtime.

Theheadmasterritual · 07/07/2021 21:30

How do I cut the nap though? When I’m not deliberately getting him to nap? He just falls asleep in the car or crashes out on the sofa in front of the tv and he won’t wake up?

OP posts:
MiniCooperLover · 07/07/2021 21:31

You have to keep him occupied whether that means no TV or whatever

Theheadmasterritual · 07/07/2021 21:32

What about in the car? Because usually we’re driving back from somewhere (nursery or the park or wherever) at about 3ish.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 07/07/2021 21:35

No naps. Wake him up and make him walk/ turn on tv anything but no nap.

Start bedtime earlier. Aim to have completed bath and stories by 7/ half past.

Then turn off light, say goodnight and put him in bed.

Then go downstairs.

If he gets out of bed put him back.

Repeat x however many.

He needs to learn to go to sleep by himself.

As he is so old it might take a few days to get him used to the routine

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 07/07/2021 21:35

Drop the nap! You need to avoid car/pram etc
Or distract - can you give a snack etc to keep him awake? It will only take a couple of weeks for his body clock to adjust at that age, he will start falling asleep at normal time then won't be tired enough to nap the next day as a result.

UpSlyDown · 07/07/2021 21:36

Surely if he falls asleep on the way back from nursery or the park it’s 15 mins max? Just wake him up as he gets out! Lots of chat, do you want a snack etc etc?

Dishwashersaurous · 07/07/2021 21:37

Walk home from nursery.

Seriously there’s about six months when you need to not drive anywhere between about 3 and 5 unless it’s an emergency.

If have to be in car give snacks, all windows open and favoured loud music

Dishwashersaurous · 07/07/2021 21:38

And if he falls asleep watching tv then no tv. You just need to keep him awake all day and then do earlier bath and bed

wingingit987 · 07/07/2021 21:38

My little boy is 3 sept. He sometimes occasionally naps but usually only in the car and he doesn't have any longer than 45 minutes. He's moody as hell if I wake him but that's better than the alternative.

Our routine is
Between 430-530 tea
Bath between 6-630
730 in bed for book and a song.
Then I leave the room the door stays open. I stay upstairs and tell him I'm doing chores usually putting the washing away.
If he keeps getting out of bed I will take away his teddy's ive never had to actually do it only threat it.

However this has been quite recently a few months ago I was so desperate we were trying cry it out. Didn't work.

When I first started leaving him I would check on him every couldn't or minutes or say I'll
Be back in 5 minutes.

We have started a reward chart which seems to be working have your tired that.

Hankunamatata · 07/07/2021 21:39

Put a safety gate on his door. Make sure his bedroom is safe and leave him to it. You might find of he isn't getting any attention he will just go to sleep. All mine were like this and would do laps of bedroom/play, more often than not I would later find them asleep beside the gate. If they got upset I went up said nothing, gave a quick cuddle and popped them back into bed. They did grow out of it.

wingingit987 · 07/07/2021 21:41

I also still use a monitor to see what he's doing and I have a gate on the bedroom door. Napping in the car if he falls asleep and I'm driving I wake him up as soon as we get there.

ilovethecold · 07/07/2021 21:43

This is what we do ..

4pm dinner
4.30pm bath
5-6.00 some tv/ play
6pm take upstairs & read him a book and then I have one of them light bulbs you control through an app and have a cover over his light switch so he can't turn lights on and off.

I then go downstairs and gradually dim the lights through my phone , he's asleep within half hour

Cut the nap

MrsJBaptiste · 07/07/2021 21:44

It's shit but you need to stay out of the car, no pushchair and constant,y check on them so they don't fall asleep. Probably for a few months too...

I remember DS1 would shout that DS2 was falling asleep and I'd have to rush in with a snack or start playing with him so he'd stay awake. Rubbish but worth it when he went to sleep at 7pm instead of 9pm.

Whattodowithaminute · 07/07/2021 21:46

I would concur with no nap. I also recommend removing the lightbulb to stop him turning lights on and off. If you’re going to tackle this head on I would also lose being in the room with him because I would really struggle to keep my cool after 2 hours of him running around at bedtime….

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