Aibu??

[coffeeneeded]

Husband has a stressful job- he's wfh at the moment and we have one kid isolating this week (his twin is in a different class and is going in to school). So things are fraught already.

He hasn't been down before 2130 this week.

So, kids in bed, I'm settled down to watch tv. DH storms down about 5 mins ago and says "I have tons of work to do so can we just watch the football and then I'll go back to work?!?"

We don't normally follow football. I had forgotten there was a match on.

I said "hang on, the match is 90mins+ and THEN you want to go back to work? That seems nuts. You won't be in bed until really late!". (Plus I dont really want to watch the match- but I didn't say that).

He says "oh forget it, my stress levels are so high and I can't be arsed with this push back" storms back up to his office again and slams the door.

Was I wrong?

I have my tin hat on.

If it was my DH I wouldn’t mind at all - but he literally lives for football, watches, plays it, manages a youth team, so it’s all a very big deal for him.
If you’re DH doesn’t usually follow football then I can understand you’re frustration.
But then on the other hand my mum usually watches no football but as soon as the Euros or World Cup are on she’s suddenly a fanatic football fan

He sounds really stressed. Could he have put the match on his phone or iPad while working ?

How long has this been going on? Is this a one off blow out or has he been behaving like this for a while?

@MrsTerryPratchett

What a daft and sexist thing to say.

Not half as sexist as the entire country stopping to watch a bunch of blokes kick a ball around. Watch the women's team bollocks do you?

In what way did the entire country stop? The shops didn't close, nothing ground to a halt

Millions of people of all ages, men and women voluntarily choose to do the same thing at the same time

Clearly you aren't a fan but it's silly to say the whole country stopped. If women played as well the same might happen

@coffeeneeded How are things this morning? I don't know what to make of his behaviour. Did he want you to tell him to stop working and relax??

Sounds like he is mega stressed. But, that's not the op's fault and he shouldn't be taking it out on her. I know we all get grumpy with those around us when things are tough, but it sounds like he was spoiling for a fight and op was the only one available

This has nothing to do with the football and everything to with his attitude.

Why's his job so stressful? He needs to manage that. He needs to get support or assistance if he needs it. Work should never take over your life like that - it's unhealthy.

We've all been in situations where we've over-invested in work but it shouldn't be to the detriment of your family life.

The way he acted wasn't great, no but he sounds massively stressed. Is he trying to watch the isolating child as well as working during the day? Is that why he's working so late?

I think the advice to "kick off massively" is unhelpful and a bit childish to be honest. It'll end in a huge row that helps nobody.

I would try to get some time with him and actually talk through the situation and see if you can help him manage or reduce his stress.

He shouldn't be taking it out on you though, so I'd say that too.

I think you need to have a (calm) conversation about his job and what it’s doing to him and hence to the family. If this level of stress is unusual and will be over soon then fine. If it’s usual then maybe he needs to look at other options as he’s clearly not managing the stress well.

Thanks all. We did have a calm talk about it and the drama is over for now.

He worked until 2330 though.

Thank you for all your replies

Not half as sexist as the entire country stopping to watch a bunch of blokes kick a ball around

Eh ?
How is that sexist ?
You might not like football. You might not like big national events, but clearly half the country watching something together, means it is significant to a huge number of people. I fail to see what that has to do with sexism.

Watch the women's team bollocks do you?

If you are asking if I watch the Women's Football internationals, then the answer is yes. England have a fantastic Women's football team.

Does it really matter to you that he would be in bed late because he had to work late? I don't really see how this was an issue in the first place.

Idislike the idea that football trumps everything. I'm trying to think of something that women like which trumps everything and everyone has to fall into line. Royal weddings?

Well in my case, it is football that trumps everything. So let’s not turn this into a sexist argument eh.

I read threads on here every day that mention how massively stressed the DH is, working all hours blah blah. Are they? Are they really? Or are they just hiding in their office avoiding pulling their weight with the house and kids! I hope he's earning a fortune OP to be spending every waking hour working himself into an early grave.

I used to work in a mostly male environment and it was pathetic how they all made out they were so busy, so stressed when it was mostly exaggeration and poor time management. I HAD to leave at 5pm as I HAD to pick up my DC from nursery/school, get home, cook dinner, sort uniforms and lunches, do housework etc etc, while the blokes in the office hung around playing their "I can't leave yet because then it will appear my job isn't as demanding as theirs" competition, and ringing their wives to tell them how snowed under they were.

Since mothers are often full-time employees, now more than ever before, this idea that the men have the "big important jobs" and must be tiptoed around at home is wearing pretty thin.

If he's that stressed and working himself to death he seriously needs to reassess what he's doing wrong. If he had a heart attack and died tomorrow his employer would soon find a replacement.

As for his behaviour at home, it's not acceptable. He needs to sort his work situation out, not take it out on you.