AIBU to not want to arrange a baby shower for my friend?

[Anabella321]

I have been struggling to conceive for over a year and have several conditions that make the process very challenging, so I expect to be struggling to conceive for quite some time ahead.

My best friend never knew if she really wanted children but decided to try this year and lo and behold, she became pregnant on the first try.

I am very happy for her and am excited for the baby to arrive.

She knows that I am struggling to conceive and I know she feels sorry for me as she offered me a loan to pay for tests (I don't live in the UK so I have to pay for all my fertility treatments). I didn't need the money but it was her way of letting me know she cares.

So three of us are best friends, we were each others bridesmaids etc.

Anyway in conversation a few months ago the matter of baby showers came up. It never occurred to me that she would be interested in that kind of thing but she said she does want a baby shower which means us two friends will have to organise it for her.

I didn't think this would bother me until the other friend contacted me last night saying we'd better get moving on it and I just wanted to tell her to go away and leave me alone.

Both friends know I'm trying. The not pregnant friend never acknowledges it and doesn't appear to have any interest in children herself.

The only other person who knows I'm trying is my mother.

My pregnant friend is not being sensitive to the fact that I can't have children, but I understand that not everyone is sensitive or should change their behaviour because of me, but it is just a fact that she is not being sensitive. Lots of belly slapping and constantly talking about being pregnant etc, which is probably normal enough behaviour in normal circumstances.

So my question is, can I drop out of organising the baby shower? There's another girl who is very close to the pregnant girl who could help if I bowed out.

Or will it seem dramatic if I drop out and make a big deal about something that I don't want to make a big deal about, I just don't want to organise a shower for someone else when I'm so sad about my own situation. I'm happy to attend obviously.

I think baby showers are utter wank anyway.
But regardless of my views on them, in your situation you absolutely do not have to organise or attend the baby shower.
Just message your pregnant friend who knows your difficulties trying to conceive and say ‘I’m very sorry, but given my present TTC difficulties I will not be able to help X organise this. It’s just too difficult for me. I will try to attend if I can. I hope you understand.”
Message your other friend who doesn’t know “unfortunately, due to some current personal difficulties I won’t be able to organise X’s baby shower. X knows this. I suggest you contact Y to see if she can help plan it in instead.”
As someone else said, you need to prioritise yourself here. 💐

When I was pg, after 7 years of trying, my best friend who can't have children begged me not to pussy foot around her. She was really upset that it could change the friendship, not the baby but me not sharing a big part of my life with her (we have shared everything since about 7)

I would talk to your friend and tell her how you feel. She might be trying really hard to make sure you feel included and not want to insult you by using your situation to exclude you.

Thanks so much for the replies all, especially those who shared your own experiences. You were far kinder than I expected I feel a lot better about maybe stepping back now.

Thanks again!

@Anabella321

Thanks so much for the replies all, especially those who shared your own experiences. You were far kinder than I expected I feel a lot better about maybe stepping back now.

Thanks again!

Honestly op, just don't worry. A lot of us have been where you are and it is hard. When you do become pregnant, you may also have someone in your life struggling. It is a mine field from both sides.

Good luck and I reccomend checking out the conception boards, I found them very supportive on my journey