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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child contact and working opposite days

12 replies

Bluee1994 · 07/07/2021 13:01

My ex husband has seen dd 3 times since she was born. She is 2 now

I have always worked Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon for the last 7 years

DD's dad always worked Monday-Friday

Now he has decided he is taking me to court because I work weekends and finish at 7pm and he wants to see DD on his days off. He's told me 'the judge will be forcing you to change your job because its obstructing a relationship with my daughter'

I'm wondering what happens in the case where we both work opposite days, and the child has no relationship with the father as he's only seen DD 3 times..so the contact would need to be supervised until theres a bond

I have no family close by that can help with the contact either.

Has anyone got experience of what kind of arrangement the court might make in this sort of situation?

OP posts:
BingBongToTheMoon · 07/07/2021 13:10

He’s talking shit.
Tell him to take you to mediation & court…..then get yourself a good lawyer.

Stealthynamechange · 07/07/2021 13:15

Agree with above, he may well be talking shit.
I'm in reverse situation i work mon to fri ex fri to sun, he's never had a weekend with ds, ds is with me thurs night to mon morning... I doubt a court can force you to change shifts but you might lose the time when he's available & you are working.
I'd suggest getting legal advice, most places offer a free first appointment.
Take care x

motogogo · 07/07/2021 13:16

Who has your dc whilst you work? Can't they facilitate using a contact centre, then progressing to unsupervised? Unless there's a safeguarding issue, him have contact whilst you work seems ideal once the relationship is established

GreenLeafTurnip · 07/07/2021 13:17

I'm confused. Why is he threatening to take you to court when theoretically it actually would work to have contact on his days off when you are working? I'm not saying he should by any means but his logic seems flawed unless I'm missing something!

Toomanyradishes · 07/07/2021 13:22

Im slightly confused (probably me sorry) but if the issue that he cant see his child because you want supervised contact (understandable) but you have no mutual days off and no family to facilitate contact?

If so then a contact centre seems the best solution, or alternatively both you and he agree how many contact session and use a fair amount of holidays days each to arrnage this i.e. you dont have to take all the holiday he needs to take some too

I dont see where he gets that you would be forced to change jobs, equally he could change jobs, im not sure who made him so important that you need to revolve around him Hmm

titchy · 07/07/2021 13:24

Tell him he's welcome to see her at the weekend and it would help your childcare costs hugely. You won't see him for dust if he thinks that would do you a favour...

DDiva · 07/07/2021 13:25

If he is serious tou both need to work at establishing their relationship. Then contact at weekends will be ideal for you.

ginnybag · 07/07/2021 13:33

Well, given its a two year who doesn't know him from Adam, he's a long, long way from unsupervised overnight contact.

Too, why does he assume you're the one who'll have to change jobs? He's equally able to do and he's not the one housing and feeding the child.

Tell him to crack on. Yes, in the longer term, he may well end up with contact on his days off, but that's fine. Would probably save you a fortune in childcare, too.

IDontReadEyebrows · 07/07/2021 13:38

@titchy

Tell him he's welcome to see her at the weekend and it would help your childcare costs hugely. You won't see him for dust if he thinks that would do you a favour...
Love this plan.

He’s chatting bollocks. When and why is he suddenly taking an interest in regular contact with your child? Do you know? He’s going to be expected to jump through more hoops than you if this goes to court.

Original poster
Bluee1994 · 07/07/2021 14:04

So when i'm at work DD goes to the childminder's. We dont have family nearby that could help with contact centre. If he was in dd's life from the start, I would have no problems with him picking her up from there while im working etc

But because hes only seen her 3 times, i cant imagine how that would make her feel to go off with him. He saw her once when she was born, twice when she was 1...so she doesnt remember him

Once a relationship has been established it would be great for them to spend time together but at the moment hes forcing it

Hes already suggested picking her up from there and letting her stay 2 nights and said 'well how else is she going to get used to it then?'

OP posts:
Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 07/07/2021 14:13

A judge will say you providing for your daughter and keeping a roof over your heads is in your daughters best interests.

Although once your daughter goes to school you might have to reconsider your working pattern or you wont have very much quality time with her.

With regards to the feckless fool that calls himself her father (haha). If he can manage to propose a gentle get to know each other schedule over the next months, then you could consider him becoming an every other weekend father. But dont ever let him have every weekend as you will regret that as she gets older.

Gooseberrypies · 07/07/2021 14:15

A judge will not tell you you have to change your job at all. So much bullshit I actually have to laugh at the audacityGrinGrinGrin tell him to crack on.

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