To ask for your help with splitting from partner?

[babyblues21]

Posting for traffic (sorry if not the right place to post...)

Does anyone have experience of splitting from their partner a few months after having a baby? Baby is almost 3 months. We are not getting on at all, both of us have said we're unhappy. I've been very open with him about the things I need from him to make it better but I honestly don't think he is able and/or willing to do them. At this point I'm 80% sure I'm leaving as I don't think anything is going to change.

I have a full time well paid job (46k salary). I'm currently on mat leave (as it stands due to go back to work in December 2021 unless I extend for another month to Jan 2022). Mat leave has reduced my net income by £800 a month so it's quite a chunk less. I have some savings making up this shortfall but partner's overtime is also getting us through it (i would obviously be without this financial benefit once I left him). Baby would need FT nursery when I go back to work as I have no family support. I'd need to move house (we privately rent) as I can't afford our current home on just my salary.

Does anyone have any advice on where to start? Some of my questions are:

• Are there benefits I could look into whilst on mat leave to help while my pay is reduced?
• What help with childcare costs could I claim (if any) when I go back to work FT?
• How can I ensure he pays maintenance? (He has almost adult children from a previous marriage and I know for a fact he's paid less than the required maintenance for a while now so likely to do the same to me).
• What sort of contact arrangements would be reasonable for our baby in her first year? I am currently breastfeeding (she will take a bottle with my milk in but she prefers me and settles better with me).

Thanks in advance for any advice. I'm feeling very vulnerable and lost so please ... no harsh comments

You can claim Universal credit if your savings are not over 16k but it would depend on what you are coming out with each month and whether you are going back to work full time etc. You would get a rent element based on the local housing allowance in the area you are going to live in, a child element, and a childcare element when you go back to work but whether you get help once you are back at work will ultimately depend your net earnings each month. Child maintenance doesn't affect Uc entitlement at all strangely so you would get that on top. You can also claim Child benefit.

Great advice from Babyroobs. UC is what you may qualify for.

Thank you for your reply. So... savings are less than 16k. I would aim for going back FT, yes. Net income from my salary per month when I'm working as normal and not on mat leave is 2,500. It sounds a lot I know, but when I added rent on just my own salary plus the cost of Ft nursery (plus all my existing outgoings which there a lot of), I'd be struggling I think. I already claim CHB. I think my chances of getting the required amount of maintenance are slim to none. I suspect he would give me a token payment - but nowhere near what he should be.

Also does anyone know if you can start to claim UC whilst on mat leave?

Also maintenance doesn't take into account childcare costs, does it? So he'd be liable for none of that I imagine.

Why wouldn't you go through CMS if you're concerned about him paying maintenance - there are calculators online.

Do you see his payslips? Or does his salary go into a join account.

@Palavah

Why wouldn't you go through CMS if you're concerned about him paying maintenance - there are calculators online.

Do you see his payslips? Or does his salary go into a join account.

CMS calculates him as "nil rate" even though he has a good job because he also has a self employed business which is making no money, but I think that's how he gets around it. The CMS are aware of his employee status and his salary - he's updated them numerous times, but they keep returning "nil rate" on his paperwork regardless. So he's used that for ages to get away with paying his ex less than what he should be. He will do the same to me.

No joint account

@babyblues21

Also does anyone know if you can start to claim UC whilst on mat leave?

Yes you can make a claim once you split. You would get 3 elements on your UC claim - standard single element, rent element based on the local housing allowance for your area, and child element. These elements are added together to make your total UC but the total is then reduced by any earnings in your monthly Uc assessment period. So your total UC could be for example £1500. Then you take monthly net income/ smp after tax, NI and pension payments deducted, take away the first £293 which is disregarded ( called the work allowance) because you have a child and claim rent element, then after that each pound you earn above £293 reduces the Uc total by 63p for each pound you earn. So if mat pay was for example £1000 per month, you would have a deduction of £445.41 ( 1000-293 x0.63 ) from your total of £1500. Once you have childcare costs this is added as another element so will increase your total UC. Hope this makes sense.

So he already screwed over his other child. He's a total cunt.

I personally think UC really isn't bad for working people as long as your rent does not hugely exceed the ret element you are allowed. I appreciate others will disagree.

What a prince.

@Babyroobs

That's really helpful and clear, thank you so much. So I can't make a claim in advance of leaving? I'm guessing I could make an enquiry with them about what I might be entitled to if I were to leave, and what the rent allowance is etc?

[quote babyblues21]@Babyroobs

That's really helpful and clear, thank you so much. So I can't make a claim in advance of leaving? I'm guessing I could make an enquiry with them about what I might be entitled to if I were to leave, and what the rent allowance is etc? [/quote]
You could make a claim whilst still living with your ex but it could be tricky proving that you are not a couple, that all finances are separate etc . Not impossible but not always straightforward.
You can check local housing allowance here if you know the postcode you will be renting in. I think you would get the two bedroom allowance.lha-direct.voa.gov.uk/Search.aspx

lha-direct.voa.gov.uk/Search.aspx

He sounds horrible! Screwing over his older child/ children like that!

May I ask what has made you both so unhappy- just in case it sheds light on how this is likely to go down, I.e how much of a twat he is

If cms are calculating nil rate I’m not sure what else you can do to force maintenance as you’re not married - which is good and bad as it makes it easier to leave him but you don’t get a financial court order.

No court would force a baby away from his mother, especially when bf, but obviously in time he’ll have staying contact if he wants it.

@Babyroobs

I just did a quick calculation on the benefits calculator thing online and it seems I'm entitled to nothing whilst on mat leave (due to a relatively generous occupational mat pay package I imagine), and when I go back to work based on FT childcare costs I'm entitled to around £490 a month. Which would almost cover my childcare fees give or take £50 or so. So it seems I'd be sensible to wait until I'm back at work as otherwise I'd get no financial help and I'd really struggle!

[quote babyblues21]@Babyroobs

I just did a quick calculation on the benefits calculator thing online and it seems I'm entitled to nothing whilst on mat leave (due to a relatively generous occupational mat pay package I imagine), and when I go back to work based on FT childcare costs I'm entitled to around £490 a month. Which would almost cover my childcare fees give or take £50 or so. So it seems I'd be sensible to wait until I'm back at work as otherwise I'd get no financial help and I'd really struggle! [/quote]
Yes it does depend on earnings, so it must be that you only qualify with the childcare element added. The childcare element is calculated as 85% up to a certain limit ( sorry can't quite remember the limit ).