You Look Well

[Juniper74]

Is this weird/ depressing or is it just me?

I’ve been unwell over the last few months and have lost a fairly significant amount of weight.
For context my BMI has dropped from 21 to 19 so don’t think I looked unhealthy before I became ill.

I feel really dreadful, very sick and have no energy to do anything. I Go to work come home and sleep then repeat . I think I look awful, really haggard.

I am receiving treatment and follow up.

The number of people telling me “ you look well” (ie several times a week) I find a bit disturbing. What is that about? Does being thinner equate with being “well”

Just find it bizarre and don’t know how to respond when I’ve never in my life felt further from well…

Particularly uncomfortable when someone said this to me in front of my pre teen daughter.

[quote Oceanbliss]@Juniper74 Hugs for you and your daughter. It sounds like your health has been very hard for you both.

As for people saying you look well, I’m not sure what to say. During a time of illness and not long after surgery that I struggled to recover from, I had people saying ‘you look well’ too. It really puzzled me because it was far from true. There were other people who expressed concern and commented on how unwell I looked. I appreciated their empathy and honesty.

Maybe some people find illness confronting, uncomfortable and perhaps saying that you look well is a type of denial. I don’t know.

Hope you get get well soon. [/quote]
I think people sometimes say it when you really don't look well, to try and boost you up a bit. Not everyone would respond kindly to 'you look awful!'.

People have been saying this to me a LOT recently- I’ve just had a baby and while I’m thinner than I was while preggers I have got quite the boobs and belly compared to before. I’ve taken it to mean ‘ you’re looking a bit chunky’

@LetsGoDoDoDo same! I'm in shock reading that! I hope no one has ever thought I've been referencing their weight when I've said this in the past. How rude!

[quote WeatherSystems]@CowsEatingAtNight

If they knew you were really unwell and losing weight then 'you look well!' could have been their way of trying to boost your confidence, and say that you don't look too ill (even if you did)?

If people were actually just saying you looked great having lost weight then that's different and bad if they knew the reason![/quote]
It was definitely specifically about weightloss in at least some cases that was what blew my mind. Them:'Turn sideways let me look at you, you're nearly INVISIBLE!' Me: 'Yeah, I've been quite ill with X.' Them: 'Oh, being so thin REALLY SUITS YOU!'

One person a friend of a friend I met a neighbour's house actually said I looked 'like a model'. Which, if true, says a lot of about heroin chic.

Some people say it to mean you have a glow. Or if they havent seen you in a while.

@ShirleyPhallus

I always thought “you look well” was code for “you’ve put on weight”

Yep, well nourished.

When I went from overweight BMI 26 to a healthier weight at BMI 21 I had more than one person ask me if I were ill. Even though I definitely looked better than before.

I hate it when someone says 'you look well' when you feel/look rubbish. It just makes me feel worse. I've never thought it meant I looked like I'd put weight on though!

OP there is a sort of jealousy around thinness. People who aren't (and we are an overweight nation in the UK) can't seem to see past "thinner is better". There's times I've pointed out to people that I weigh X amount and am underweight and would like to gain some. All goes in one ear and out the other as they coo "oooh X amount! I wish I was X amount" when I've literally just that second told them I'm not healthy. 🤷

I've lost 15 stone over the last two years (had weightloss surgery) and get so many people (mostly work colleagues not normally based in my location) saying i 'look well' on video calls. I don't mind and there isn't really anything else someone can say to acknowledge you've lost a huge amount of weight if they don't know you had the surgery, without it sounding like they think you were fat before (i was).

Sorry, for clarity, I mean I don't just come out with it, they're already praising my thinness.

I say this to friends/family I haven’t seen in a while. I literally just mean you look well/healthy.

Not sure you've considered this, OP, but, despite your own perception of how you look, maybe you do actually look well?

The old fashioned meaning of it is 'You look well (fed)', but I don't think people mean it like that these days. I get it when I'm training for an event, or when I've been out in the sun and caught a bit of colour. ie When I genuinely do look a bit weller than normal.

Weller? Sorry.

'You too!' is all you need for a response. Nobody says it because they want you to confirm/deny/converse about your wellness. If they want to know, they'll follow up with 'How've you been?' or something.

I always take “you look well” to mean “well fed”.

And weightloss is sadly always seen as a positive for women. My mil had covid last year, spent months in hospital, on a ventilator for two weeks, whole family told she wouldn’t make it. Thankfully she recovered. The first photo she put on fb when she was feeling better was inundated with comments saying how lovely and slim she looked

I use ‘you look well’ all the time when I think people look well. Not fatter.

With horses, "he's looking well" definitely means "you'd get a lot of burgers out of him". See also "show condition". It's hard to hear it any other way when you're conditioned to this - and if it's a horsey person saying it, they probably do mean you're looking like you've been poured into your clothes and forgotten to say "when".

I can't speak for normal folk though.

Definitely that you've lost weight in my neck of the woods! Had it all year as I've had a life crisis and lost loads of weight this year. So people follow up 'how are you?', with 'you're looking well'.

You look well is a bitchy comment here meaning fat.

I understand the feeling. Serious medical condition, fatigue, knackered. Life = work + meal + bed. Repeat 🔁. You look well is a constant phrase I get. It’s is meant in a “bloody hell, I didn’t expect you to look so normal”. I don’t reply “shame I don’t feel it” or “looks can be deceiving “ but it is getting close!

Yes it just feels alienating to be repeatedly told you look well when you feel really ill.
No one told me I looked well when I was actually well..
Maybe as mentioned above it’s because it’s summer ( thinking could potentially look a bit like Madge from Benidorm ) not that have been outside that much…

Maybe as mentioned above it’s because it’s summer ( thinking could potentially look a bit like Madge from Benidorm )
Well if you have a tan like Madge that will definitely be what it is