To set rules re picking up my DD and childcare?

[2114time]

Single parent to a 7 year old who will be in year 3 in September.

I will now be working more in the office so need childcare. There is a paid for after school club but my mum is insisting she pick DD up and have her for me.

School have said that masks at pick up and drop off will be required until at least January even if the guidelines change from the DfE.

My mum refuses to wear a mask at all in any circumstances and has been thrown out of several shops for kicking up a fuss about it – she has no medical reason to not wear one she just thinks covid doesn’t exist. She refused the vaccine for the same reason and has called me and my sibling names over us getting it. I am vulnerable but not CEV due to severe asthma and heart issues but my mum refuses to believe it and called me stupid and refused to help me when I chose to shield in the first lockdown thankfully I had brilliant friends who understood and helped

I have told my mum that she must wear a mask when picking up my DD from school. The HT is stressed enough as it is without my mum kicking off and sprouting her nonsense about it not existing. I also don’t want her to show me up, I’ve worked hard to get myself into a position where I feel school and me are a team (my DD has some SN) I don’t want that to go away because of who I choose to have look after my child – school are generally brilliant, DD is really happy, loves school and making slow and steady progress. I do not want to ruin that.

Mum has said she won’t pick DD up then as she is not “Buying into this ”. I have said I will put DD in the schools wrap around. Mum is calling me names saying I’m stopping her seeing her only grandchild and I will “regret it when all this comes out as fake”.

So AIBU to set these requests?

I will add if mum was just not wearing a mask and being quiet about it I’d be fine although a bit upset it’s the acting offended whenever anyone asks her why she’s not wearing one and her shouting that “it’s not real and we’re all being brainwashed”. She is usually a perfectly normal person this has just got her wound up for some reason.

Christ, YANBU at all. Your m sounds like a pain!

Her doing childcare is supposed to help you. If it causes more headaches than it solves, you're entirely right to plan differently!

Your mum will have to like it or lump it. I can't imagine anyone could talk round anyone that irrational and selfish.

Just use asc instead. She can put herself at risk but not fair to knowingly do so to others. Her doing the pick up will only create conflict.

YANBU
I wouldn't want her to show her face at my child's school, I'd be mortally embarrassed if she started something.

She either wears the masks or doesn't do pick up. The only person stopping her seeing her grandchild is herself and her pig headedness

Personally I'd go with the wraparound care as it sounds like your mum has the potential to cause trouble for you at the school.

She can still see DD outside of this so not like you're actually stopping her at all.

Your mum is not going to do as you ask.

She sounds quite nasty. I would not be letting her pick up my child from school. Sounds like she is going to call you names regardless of what you do anyway

Jesus, your Mum sounds like a pain in the arse.

Even if she is right and it all turns out to be fake what difference does it make wearing facemask?

Just use the after school club and tell your Mum you need a bit of space form her as you don't appreciate the name calling. Plus is she is unvaccinated and non mask wearing then she is putting you at risk.

As an aside your school will not think less of you for having a crazy arsed mum.

Not worth the hassle or potential pettiness from your DM.
I'd use ASC, it will become part of your DD's routine.

This definitely sounds like a case where accepting a favour could be the worst possible decision. I'd go with the afterschool. It's easier - why would you need this hassle in your life?

Thanks everyone ASC it is. DD already goes a few times a week and loves it so she won't mind.

I wouldn’t be happy with someone so batshit looking after my child. Supervised access only at best. Use the after school provision and keep her at arms length.

I would think, that using the after school situation would be better for your child.

I’m not trying to be offensive, but your child is old enough to feel (at least) embarrassment from your mum’s outbursts if asked to wear a mask in shops etc.

I think you should use after school club. Not because she won’t wear a mask at pick up (our school got rid of this rule a while ago) but because when you’ve said you’ll make other arrangements she’s called you names. That’s not someone I’d want to spend extra time with my child!

Your mum can't be trusted to follow the rules and refrain from embarrassing your DC. So she doesn't get to do pick-up. Simple as that.

Your mother is a very stupid woman. The less she has to do with your child the better.

Your mother doesn’t get to insist on anything.

If she refuses to follow the rules which are in place to protect everyone then she doesn’t get to pick up your daughter from school. Use the after school club.

Use the after school club, your Mum sounds unhinged. I am sorry for you, my mum is a bit like this and I always used to be on edge. You have my sympathy and I feel you pain ❤️

They're the school's rules, not yours. I'd tell her it's up to her. Either she wears a mask and commits to doing so (and can have DD) or she doesn't (and she won't).

I'd give her until x date to decide and refuse to discuss it further with her. These aren't your rules.

YADNBU. Use the after school club. It will be way less stressful (and embarrassing) for you.

You don't really have a choice. If the school is not allowing people into the playground without a mask, then she won't be able to pick up DD unless she is wearing one. So you need to book ASC, and don't leave it too long, they can fill up quickly.

She sounds batshit and I wouldn't let her look after my kids full stop.
Sounds a bit like the GP who burned the toddler a couple of weeks ago because she doesn't believe in sun cream.....

Also - she can't insist on anything. It's not her kid.

Wow YANBU. I would worry about her embarrassing your child, and stressing the fragile relationship you have with the HT and the school.

Her position is bonkers.

Id pay for professional care. I wouldn't trust her judgment at all, she appears to lack common sense and respect for others .

Just put your DD in the wrap-around at school. The only person stopping your mum seeing her granddaughter is herself.