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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents in law/covid/new grandchild

30 replies

Pinkroseuk · 07/07/2021 10:59

Not sure if it's just me but we are due our first baby in 3 weeks. Parents in laws 3rd grandchild.
They have been self isolating since December 2019, we have seen them 3 times since then in the garden very socially distanced (they have been in full ppe(think ww2 masks and body suits). They are paranoid about getting covid and obsessed with it. Due to the fact we're going into the hospital to have baby and cases are on the rise we are now getting a hour phone call each day, around 20 texts and post with print outs of articles from google. They are still spending about 8 hours a day researching covid and sending us things that are not relevant at all!
Would it be mean for me to ask DH to have a word and perhaps see if we can stop this for a few weeks while we have baby and enjoy a couple weeks at home together?
I know if he does this there will be fallout as it will be seen as us not listening to them and accepting there information but it's just all wearing a bit thin now Confused

They have also made it clear we probably won't see them this year so don't want to cut communication completely but perhaps a how are you? Or a non covid conversation would be appreciated.
Sorry for the ramble!

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/07/2021 11:00

They are crazy, just tell DH that you want to be taken off this communication, if they want to bombard their son with nonsense that’s up to them but you don’t need to stress and dramatics.

maddening · 07/07/2021 11:02

Why since December 2019? That was before covid was even a thing?

Original poster
Pinkroseuk · 07/07/2021 11:05

@OnlyFoolsnMothers they feel the need to inform us both so insist we both get copies/phone calls!

@maddening I think December 2019 was when the first cases came in China - she heard about it on the news then so immediately locked down

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/07/2021 11:10

Well you’re an adult OP, insist on being left alone!

maddening · 07/07/2021 11:27

The reports at the very end of 2019 was only a pneumonia outbreak in what, you are looking at 40 cases in China, did they seriously lock down on 40 cases of pneumonia in another continent?

maddening · 07/07/2021 11:28

And China only reported to the who of the possibility of a new virus on 31st dec 2019?

maddening · 07/07/2021 11:30

They must have serious health anxiety though, there will always be stuff like this, will they be forever locked down?

Original poster
Pinkroseuk · 07/07/2021 11:39

It was towards the end of December so possibly before the who announced yes.

I think they could be for the next couple of years.
We have tried our best to work with them and try to help if we can but it's starting to get tough and wear a bit thin now. At the weekends when she knows we might be out she might ring a few times a day just to see if she can hear background noise incase we have gone out :(

OP posts:
PurpleMustang · 07/07/2021 11:52

I can see how this is all feeling a bit much by now. You and DH need to decided how you want to handle this and then stick to it. Would they not give you a break from it all by saying you are wanting to concentrate on the baby and don't want this sort of extra worry/distraction, however you word it. And whilst it is one thing for them to decide to live like this, ringing you to check if you are outside from background noise is another level. They can't dictate how you live. Good luck with them and the baby

Mad4Max1 · 07/07/2021 12:23

Have PIL both had 2 vaccines each ?

Do they work outside the home ?

Reallybadidea · 07/07/2021 12:23

They sound quite mentally unwell. Is there any history of this or has it come out of the blue since covid? I don't think that you should accept any manifestations of their anxiety that impact your life - phoning you to check whether you are out is utterly unacceptable, as is expecting you to read and act on all of their over the top advice. They probably need to speak to their GP about getting treatment for their anxiety, but I can see that persuading them of this is likely to be very difficult.

Mad4Max1 · 07/07/2021 12:26

Just go out, every day
Enjoy life & your baby

They are missing out by staying in

How do they exercise physically & mentally if they stay in ?

Mad4Max1 · 07/07/2021 12:27

Turn phone off & answe once a day

whateverisleft · 07/07/2021 12:38

That sounds so tough, especially as you're getting prepared to welcome a newborn 💐
I think it should be up to your DH to set some firm boundaries and let them know what you don't want them to keep doing. If they can't respect boundaries I would then start ignoring calls/blocking numbers, and would let them know you will be doing that.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/07/2021 12:42

Good grief, stop being such a doormat, op. Tell your inlaws you no longer want to hear or read anything about covid, and if they send even one more article, block them from your phone. They are clearly unhinged but you have to stop allowing them to impact your life with their paranoia.

PercyPiginaWig · 07/07/2021 12:46

I don't understand why you're answering the phone, but since you are then make sure you crank up the music first and say you can't hear because you're in the pub.

DH needs to tell them they can choose their life but you are not choosing to 'live' like that so you don't want to hear about it.

MouldyPotato · 07/07/2021 12:48

DH needs to have a word and also perhaps suggest they speak to their GP to see if their level of anxiety is ok.

Original poster
Pinkroseuk · 07/07/2021 14:33

Thank you all

@Mad4Max1 they have had 1 vaccine but won't go out to receive the second. They also believe a second doesn't give any more protection. They work from home restoring furniture so have been able to continue with this thankfully.

It has all started really since covid- they always got overly worried about a few things before but nothing this extreme. I'm concerned as they are not eating properly either but no way we could get them to speak to a doctor about it. They have also sold there car and live rurally so there a little bit stuck now if they do need to go anywhere hence us answering the phone incase it was an emergency.

OP posts:
DontDoThatGeorge · 07/07/2021 14:39

They also believe a second doesn't give any more protection

For all their research they've missed a bit.

Honestly OP, tell them they aren't helping you. They may not like it but you don't like the bombardment.

Stop answering the phone, delete the texts without reading. Ask your DP to leave you out of it. You're busy and about to get a lot busier, and this is madness.

FeedMeSantiago · 07/07/2021 15:36

You and DH need to be very firm with them now, before baby is born that you will not tolerate them spoiling this special time for you both.

You can never get those first precious weeks back and need to be focused on caring for your baby and adjusting to being a family of 3.

If they can't respect your boundaries once outlined tell them you will announce baby's birth but will otherwise be very low contact/no contact for the first how ever many weeks.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 07/07/2021 15:43

Just let DH deal with them especially as they won’t be visiting baby anytime soon.

Notaroadrunner · 07/07/2021 15:44

They sound completely ott regarding covid. Tell them you are old enough to make up your own mind about covid and to stop sending you information. If they continue to send you information you will simply need to block them. If Dh is ok to be bombarded with their shite then so be it. You don't have to respond to any communication with them if you don't want to - most especially hour long conversations. As for them not visiting this year, count yourself lucky! And when baby arrives don't feel obliged to answer any calls from them. Mute them. You will need rest and to be stress free and it doesn't sound like this pairs behaviour will allow this. Dh needs to have a firm word with them asap.

Mad4Max1 · 07/07/2021 16:02

You could say
We will phone you at X time each day or every other day or once a week

So that any phone call out of that time, may then be considered an emergency ?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/07/2021 16:08

Scared to get second jab? I would say they need professional help at this point

GlencoraP · 07/07/2021 16:15

Presumably your dh has siblings if this is their third gc , how do they feel about this? To be honest they sound verging in the certifiable