Not wanting to go on holiday abroad with a small child

[Effsee]

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense. Bit of an info dump.

My partners parents have offered to take me, my partner, daughter and my partners brother and GF on holiday abroad next year with them. All paid for, all we'd have to take is spending money. A very lovely and generous offer.

My issue is I don't feel very comfortable going abroad with my daughter who will be 2 and a half at the time . I've only ever been abroad once so the thought of going somewhere unfamiliar with my daughter so young worries me. She's going to be smack bang in the middle of terrible twos, and possibly potty training. I don't know what the circumstances will be next year.

I feel a bit pressured into agreeing to going as we probably won't be able to afford a holiday like that for a fair few years. I just feel very unsure about it and feel it's the wrong time to take my daughter on a holiday like that.
We had a holiday in the UK with my family booked 2 years ago, that got rebooked to this August due to covid. We've decided as a family to cancel for this August as we're not sure if things would have calmed down by then. So we're rebooking with my family for August 2022, which will be about a week maybe 2 after the one abroad. (This holiday being a place I've been going to every year for 25 years, so it's all very familiar and comfortable to me)
I just know it's going to be a lot of work and I'm going to be the mug that has to clean and repack everything again in the space of a week. I'll need a week off after just to recover 😅

I have no issue with going on holiday with my partners family at all, we all get on well. I'm just very anxious with having to go on a plane with a young child, in a place not familiar to me. Not to mention we'd have to tighten our belts to save for both holidays, when I know there's plenty of things that need replacing in our home(such as a new fridge freezer, current one has a door that constantly falls off. That's only the start of it 🤦‍♀️) Feel like I can't justify 2 holidays when the money needs spending elsewhere.

Don't want to feel like the bad guy for changing my mind and saying no, but I've only realistically had a couple of days to make a decision and scramble about to make a budget list because they want to book quickly while prices are cheap.

Don't know how to feel better and less anxious about the whole thing. I'm completely expecting to be told I'm overthinking it and being a bit silly. Just don't know how to switch it off.

We've taken our children abroad since they were 2 months old and always really enjoyed it. I do have friends that think it's more hassle than it's worth but we've always had brilliant holidays with the kids. Based on that, I think you should go and enjoy!

My twins first trip abroad was a 24hr plus flight to Oz at 6 months. You are really over thinking this and I am an anxious person myself. Go and enjoy.

Other people might not be bothered, but this is about you. Holidays are meant to be fun - if you think you won’t enjoy it don’t go. Could your partner take your dd and you stay at home?

I think your response is fuelled by anxiety, not by rational thought. I do get the whole dread of organising a holiday, thinking about packing etc, but it’s a whole year away.

Holidays are good for us, even if simply removing ourselves from our normal day to day existence. It sounds like you’re casting about looking for excuses to say no, simply to justify your anxiety. I say go for it, Op. Thats a very generous offer from your in-laws, and you should have lots of help on hand for your toddler.

We've travelled a lot with dc from a v young age including Australia at 12mths. Asia at 3, North America before 5 etc as well as many many countries in Europe. It's been a wonderful experience & dc have always been fantastic travelling companions.
I think you should go for it & it might be good to work on your anxieties as it can really limit life & impact your dd's experiences too.
How lovely for her to spend time with both families too

I think it would be pretty unreasonable to say no and I'd be pretty pissed off if I was your husband in all honesty.

It does sound like you're very anxious but this is a lovely opportunity for your family

Sorry I should have added - it’s actually easier to toilet train if you are abroad in a hot country as children tend to wear less clothes and it’s not uncommon to see semi naked toddlers. Just bring a plastic potty there are travel potties which come with attachable bags.
Re food just email hotel ahead of time and bring snacks etc. If you are worried about veggies bring a knife and chopping board so you can supply your own but most hotels will accommodate requests.
If you are on a relaxing beach holiday you are likely to find less toddler tantrums as you are less needing to have to get to places in a hurry.
Just bring a pram suitable for day time naps and a cover so you can make it dark.

Unless your IL's are planning a jaunt to Syria then (in the nicest sense) you're completely overreacting.

You have a year to save and prepare. If I was your DH I would be utterly pissed off if you ducked out of this trip, yet trotted off to the same place you've been to for the last 25 years(!)

Try and consider what an opportunity / adventure it will be for your DD as well.

In the nicest way, you do sound a little bit irrational. Travel is a great experience for kids, this is a free holiday and as it’s with extended family you should have help with the childcare - it sounds wonderful! We lived abroad when my DD was small and I regularly did long haul flights with her on my own, and tons of short ones as a family. Pack lots of snacks and load the iPad up with things to watch (headphones please for other passengers) and a short flight will be a breeze. The only thing that stood out to me was the comment about you being the mug doing all the work. Absolutely do not stand for this! I’d say to your partner that the condition of you agreeing to go is that it doesn’t turn into a massive stress for you and he has to pull his weight with the packing and washing.

It would be a shame to miss out on such a good opportunity for all of you. You sound very anxious so I would spend the next year addressing that.

Agree with all that's been said, and thankyou for the replies. Just difficult to switch off worrying about every little thing sometimes. The thought about it right now is a bit scary, as we've just been indoors like everybody else for months and months on end. Even though I've been itching to get out, part of me does find it a bit daunting, which is so contradicting 🤦‍♀️ I'm hoping these feelings calm down and I can actually enjoy time with family next year, after already missing out on alot.