To think this is bullying?

[EwwwwDavid]

My DD11 has had a good (or so I thought) bunch of friends since nursery. Since April they have all suddenly taken the decision to stop talking to her.
The reason being is that she 'talks about others behind their backs'.
Not one of them have actually asked her if this is true, or asked if she actually has said these things.
I've spoken to a few of the mums and they are saying they think it's awful the way she is being treated but their daughter is not to blame.
I've spoken to the school also and they say it's not their problem.
Things that have happened include;
Ignoring her in school
Rude TikToks obviously aimed at her
Instagram post swearing about her
My daughter texting someone saying she's sorry and missing them for the whole conversation to be screenshot and laughed at.
Is this bullying?
They are away to secondary school after summer and I feel sick at the thought that this will continue!

Yes this is 100% bullying! And cyber bullying! Speak to school! Xx

I have spoken to school. They weren't great to be honest. We're in Scotland and on holiday now.

Agreed it’s absolutely bullying and the worst kind. Really feel for your daughter. The onky good thing is that once they hit high school they usually get a new set of friends and grow apart from primary school friends, not always but often. However I’d try and single out one or two of the girls and speak to their parents to see if they could arrange something over the holidays. Maybe a nice day trip just your DD and one friend. I hope your DD will be ok.

Yes, it is bullying. Kidscape have a parent advice line. I would speak to them tomorrow morning, then contact the Head and escalate. The school has a responsibility to protect students from bullying, even if it happens offsite, online or over the phone. Don't take no for an answer and escalate further if no action. I would also consider letting the secondary school know. Make sure you screen shot/ photograph evidence and remind your DD not to retaliate. Good luck and best wishes to your DD.
Kidscape: 020 7823 5430 9.30am to 2.30pm.

Thanks for this @cheesenobiscuits . I have many, many screenshots saved on my phone.
My daughters future guidance teacher is a 'friend of a friend', do you think I should email her to make her aware?
To let you know, we are a medium size primary school feeding into a city school and for some (bizarre) reason they have put all 8 girls plus my daughter in the same class for 1st year. It's making me feel sick!

Contact the School and have her moved into another 1st year class, make it clear that they are there is a continual campaign to bully and harrass her. I would involve the Police if I had too.

Tbh I would change schools but I know that this isn't always an option.

Don't think this will blow over OP, with the tentacles of social media and the twisted behaviour of some kids, this can go several ways, so get on top of it now.

Protect your Daughter.

Kidscape are wonderful. They will do their best to help.
Yes, it’s bullying. I’m so sorry. So hard for your daughter and for you.

Yes, I would email the friend of a friend. Do everything you can now. I hope all goes well for you.

Definitely bullying, known as "social bullying"

Contact the HT via email only. Create a paper trail as this is very serious & the school are failing in their legal duty of care to your DD.

Who was it you spoke to ?

I once made the mistake of not realising that a more chatty/forward TA wasn't a teacher & once got a dreadful dismissive reaction from her when discussing a boy forcibly kissing DD, "only a game of kiss chase apparently"😏

My DD went through years of this, though ironically, in her case it was because she WOULDNT join in bitching about others & said so, though her toxic friends/bullies said she was the one bitching to teachers 😏 ringleader "frenemy" was incredibly manipulative & quite shockingly so given they were younger when this started

Make sure your DD gets support too, counselling if possible, this had an awful affect in my DD for years. Though over the years all but the ring leader have apologised to DD & the RL outed herself as obsessed with & wanting to be DD & has tried to show off that (apparently now Uber cool) DD is her old friend as it gives her cool brownie points ... DD took great pleasure in telling the people concerned that she doesn't really remember the RL

School MUST act, that is their legal responsibility to your DD & you. Make sure they interview the girls separately too, one at least will own up to what's really going in. Interviewed together they will back each other up & be too scared of repercussions to speak out

You can also go to the police as the online stuff at least warrants that & they are old enough

I also found the EWO a very useful person to contact too, they are there for the kids welfare, not the schools

Good luck & if you still don't get any joy with the school, consider moving schools as that is my biggest regret with DD.

We fought the school over bullying, won time & again to push them to act, I stupidly thought fighting & winning as a beer life lesson for DD & DD didn't want to move school, but reality was it was a shit school for dealing with bullying & as such bullying was rife in school & the best thing I ever did was move her to a better school at the end of year 6. She had 6 months of remembering how much fun junior school could be & that all girls weren't awful & there was nothing wrong with DD, but her ex friend. I will always regret not doing it sooner. I did use the bullying to get her into our next nearest very popular & oversubscribed school via an email rant about how badly the school had supported DD etc to the director of education.

It is absolutely bullying. Take no shit, invoke your inner tiger mum

Good luck

@SingingInTheShithouse thanks for the advice.

The problem is, we're in Scotland and school has finished for the summer already. So my DD is finished with primary school and moves up to High School in August. I'm annoyed at myself for not doing more with the primary school!

The Ring Leader in this group is unbelievably manipulative too. I've been horrified at the lies she's told and things she's done. Ironically, her mum has been the most concerned and is trying to help but has no idea that her daughter is the one at the centre of it. I have tried to tell her but she won't hear if it.

Ah, in which case, you can't change the past, but I would definitely put in a formal complaint about the school to Ofsted, or the Scottish equivalent.

You need to concentrate on supporting her moving forward. If any of the bully girls will be in the same high school, then you need to let the high school know before she starts. DDs high school made sure that non were in here class & were ready to take the slightest digression from any of the girls, or by that time, also Boys, very very seriously& come down on them hard.

As far the online bullying. Send screenshots of nasty comments as a round robin group email, something like...

Hi, x,y,z.

As many of you are aware, my DD has been suffering at the hands of bully's for some time now. As much as I appreciate that not all of your girls are the ringleaders & are victims of manipulation themselves, for my daughters sake I cannot stand by & let this happen any more & I hope you understand that regardless of friendships, my daughters wellbeing & mental health comes first

I'm sure you are fully aware that all of our girls are now at the age of criminal responsibility & you need to know that I will be reporting any further online harassment or otherwise of my DD to the police who will take it seriously, meaning that your girls could be starting out their adult life with a criminal record.

I hope that this email & clear evidence of involvement will see a change in behaviour from all girls involved in bullying my DD as they realise the seriousness of what they are taking part in & stop any further harassment.

& as far the ring leaders mum. SHE is the problem. We had the same thing here, my DD wouldn't possibly do that, when it was bloody clear she orchestrated all of it. Get angry & stop listening to her nonsense. She is at fault or not acting sooner

Good luck