I hate my birthday and everyone is insistent I publicly celebrate

[Magnoliasstreet]

I have a milestone birthday next week. I hate celebrating my birthday as it is, but especially this year as I have depression which is worsening due to sleep deprivation (newborn).

Partner has booked a Michelin star restaurant for us to go to but I immediately asked him to cancel when he told me.

I feel dreadful- just so tired from caring for a newborn and I look horrendous. I hate going to restaurants with babies, trying to breastfeed and eat etc.
I just don’t want to go so I cancelled the reservation. Seems like a waste of money if I won’t enjoy it.
Partner is really angry. If it’s my birthday surely I should choose what I do or don’t do. I appreciate he’s trying to do something nice but we are really busy in the next few weeks doing ridiculous things I agreed to in my pregnancy which will make me feel even worse.

I should add I just want to spend the day at home with my children and do something restful. Maybe even have a nap in the day!

It's up to you what you want to do , especially with a newborn to think about too.
Your partner is being unreasonable here.
It's your birthday, not his!
Is he normally like this? I know that new babies can make people grumpy , but honestly it's not fair on you!
There will be other times to go out.

How dare you celebrate (or not) your birthday how you want to. 🙄

Awful that he can’t see that doing something nice for you would be actually listening to you and doing what you want rather than what he feels you should do for your birthday.

I hope you manage to enjoy your day

I think you should go - sorry. Cancel some of the other stuff.

Your birthday, your choice.

Thank you for replying. I just feel like I’m maybe being unreasonable? Or being made to feel that way. I literally don’t care about my birthday at all.
He doesn’t like being at home and likes to be busy. I hate conflict so haven’t set boundaries much in our relationship until the last few months.
It’s just hard to stick to my opinions and boundaries when I am a people pleaser and hate arguing.

Could you suggest rearranging for in a few months or when you might feel more up to it, if he's really so insistent on celebrating your birthday? Might just feel like more of a nice meal out for you then rather than a big birthday thing.
But I agree YANBU - if you don't want to do anything that should be respected.

I have suggested rearranging but he’s still angry. I think the anger is in part because this would be my birthday gift and he thinks he will have to get something else.
Again I genuinely would be happy with no gift as in the same desire for no celebration.

He's probably disappointed because he has tried to do something nice for you, and by the sounds of it you're having a pity party & cutting off your nose to spite your face. How is booking a table expecting you to celebrate publicly?. Who knows you might even enjoy it & find it lifts your mood.

@Midnightballerina

He's probably disappointed because he has tried to do something nice for you, and by the sounds of it you're having a pity party & cutting off your nose to spite your face. How is booking a table expecting you to celebrate publicly?. Who knows you might even enjoy it & find it lifts your mood.

Or maybe she won’t.

Maybe she actually knows her own mind?

YABU - if you are trying to keep a relationship strong sometimes it invokes doing things you don't want to do.

I think you sound a little selfish which I know depression does to people because I have it but where it comes to social events I always push through and think - it isn't going to kill me to go I'm sure I'll make it through and be just fine and maybe even feel better for it.

Your birthday is meant to be your special day and therefore you should get to decide what you do, nobody else

They should respect your wishes

YABU - if you are trying to keep a relationship strong sometimes it invokes doing things you don't want to do.

Not on your birthday! On your partner's birthday, maybe - yours should be about what you want to do. YANBU.

@doesparentingsuck

YABU - if you are trying to keep a relationship strong sometimes it invokes doing things you don't want to do.

I think you sound a little selfish which I know depression does to people because I have it but where it comes to social events I always push through and think - it isn't going to kill me to go I'm sure I'll make it through and be just fine and maybe even feel better for it.

I agree with the sentiment but it’s HER bloody birthday, surely the one day when it’s about what OP wants!