To ask whether my depression is causing these feelings?

[nigellabrigade]

I am a single mum to an 8 year old girl, I have a best friend who I consider to be like a sister. We are very, very close as are our children. However, recently I've just felt very taken for granted and tonight was the straw that broke the camels back.

I am always there for her and doing her favours, I commit to watch her toddler every week so she can work. When I pop in to see her I am always helping her with the kids or letting her pop to the shops whilst I stay with the kids. I send her nice cards when she is feeling down. She calls me daily, several times and most of the time I answer.

However, this past week her husband has been off of work, I have went from 3 + phone calls daily with her to zero, literally zero phone calls. This then got me thinking.

She never comes to my house to visit and will never offer to help me with my daughter unless I out and out ask her. She will invite a friend over for a nice dinner or drinks, whereas I don't get that, I just get to see her when she has the kids. It feels like she makes a nice effort for everyone else except me as I'm just taken for granted.

If I'm doing anything with my daughter like park, cinema etc I always offer to bring her son along and most of the time she takes me up on it. But tonight she said to me that tomorrow her, her husband, her son and her niece are going to a trampoline park and just never mentioned my daughter. This really hurt my feelings and this is the part I am not sure if I'm being ridiculous about.

The ways in which she is a good friend is that I know she will help me out if I really needed her, I can talk to her about anything and she won't judge me, she is funny and kind and thoughtful. I'm just feeling a little taken for granted.

My depression has not been good at all recently and I'm not sure if this is clouding my judgment. I'm taking everything really personally and feeling like a bit of an outsider everywhere I go.

@nigellabrigade

The thing is though if I back off or cut her off then she will eventually just ask me what is wrong then should I tell her how I'm feeling I'd worry she'd think I'm being a drama Queen/oversensitive and that it would make things really awkward.

But you're not being a drama queen and you don't need to feel awkward. If she reacts as if you are, don't apologise. The facts are clear. You do all the accommodating and all the running. She gets all the benefits.

I stopped contacting a friend who was like this. She now contacts me once every three months or so and we meet up just for a walk or quick drink - nothing spectacular. We used to be so close but I was her prop and it was entirely one way so I stopped. I still feel fond of her but I don't want to be pushed around so decided to reduce contact on those terms. You don;t need to fall out. But you do need to protect your self-esteem.

If she does ask you what’s wrong tell her you’re depressed and note her response?
My best friend is depressed at the moment and whilst I know I can’t do anything to change that I’m making more of an effort to keep in regular contact and show her i care.