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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are they being Aibu or me?

22 replies

Alipali29 · 06/07/2021 21:08

My brothers gf is Chinese and they've "disowned" me because they say I am racist. Now believe me or not I am not racist. My crime is that I dislike her, regardless of race. I find her rude (she had a fight with my brother at a family lunch and I tried to intervene and tell them to leave and she threw her drink over me), we disagree about a lot of things and are just so so different. For example, we go away to Hawaii a lot ( twice a year pre COVID) and she always makes snarky comments as I think she's jealous we can lead that sort of lifestyle. We are childfree and both professionals. Anyway, since they both (inc my brother) accused me of being racist I am done with them. I am happy to have been blocked and disowned. My mom is now trying to be peacemaker etc but I just said sorry we will see mum separately to them and I think that will work.
Am I being Aibu?

OP posts:
suspiria777 · 06/07/2021 21:11

what did you do that they say is racist?

Gazelda · 06/07/2021 21:17

Is there a specific reason that you've been accused of being racist? Or is it just the obvious dislike you have of her, which they've interpreted as being racist?

Either way, I think you should tell your DM that you'd rather she didn't try to be peacemaker, you'd rather let things settle down and in time you and DB will probably be able to put this behind you.

Original poster
Alipali29 · 06/07/2021 21:17

Literally that I don't like her because if the way she's behaved.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alipali29 · 06/07/2021 21:18

@gazelda yes I think they've interpreted the dislike as racist

OP posts:
Original poster
Alipali29 · 06/07/2021 21:20

And they've told aunts and uncles that I'm a psycho racist bit** which kind of made me think f them and it's the final straw I want to be disowned by them.

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 06/07/2021 21:21

You sound a bit extra.

accentdusoleil · 06/07/2021 21:28

You must have said something which was dees to be racist

SmidgenofaPigeon · 06/07/2021 21:29

Do you go to Maui Wink

Neondisco · 06/07/2021 21:32

@ZenNudist

You sound a bit extra.
How?

I'm obvs not op, but do think people can be really bitchy on here without actual backing it up. So would you care to expand?

MouldyPotato · 06/07/2021 21:33

Are you sure you're not racist? It might be unconscious racism that she is picking up on?

NeverMetANiceOne · 06/07/2021 21:35

The way you've written your post does make you sound quite punchy, in what way did you intervene when your DB and his GF had their fight?

Original poster
Alipali29 · 06/07/2021 21:42

Thank you @Neondisco
I felt the pp was being mean too.

@NeverMetANiceOne
I said literally if you can't behave then please leave the family meal

OP posts:
blacksax · 06/07/2021 21:47

Let's take the word 'racist' and your different ethnicities out of the equation for a moment and leave them to one side.

How many people would like someone who had a fight with your brother at a family occasions, threw a drink over you when you tried to stop the fight, and then told relatives you are a psycho bitch?

She's not exactly endearing herself to the OP, is she?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 06/07/2021 21:51

Is it that one incident that they didnt like? Or are they giving other examples of racist behaviour?
Telling someone to behave and then disliking them for throwing water over you is not in itself racist

cstaff · 07/07/2021 00:35

We had a similar incident years ago. My siblings and our partners were all meeting for drinks. My sister and her husband came in and continued a row they were having in the car. We just turned and told them to take it outside or shut up. They shut up pretty rapidly. No name calling or drinks thrown and they realised that they were taking their crap on tour and there was no need.

QueenBee52 · 07/07/2021 00:44

Stand firm @Alipali29

they sound like a pair of Twats labelling you 'Racist' to justify excluding you from everything.. so she does not have to admit she is violent and aggressive and throws drinks over people ..

Its way easier to call you Racist.

Cut them off .. and tell your Mum that her peacemaking is not required.. Domestic Violence is not something you wish to smooth over.. and it's not acceptable..

🌸

GaspGulpScream · 07/07/2021 06:51

I agree with QueenBee52
Walk away from the drama, you don't need it

Original poster
Alipali29 · 07/07/2021 14:41

@QueenBee52
Yes it's seems to just be an excuse for them!

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 07/07/2021 14:52

I mean if everything you said here is all that has happened then yes they're being U and I would just give them a wide berth from now on

Original poster
Alipali29 · 07/07/2021 15:38

Yep I don't recall ever saying anything racist to her

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 07/07/2021 16:37

@Alipali29

Yep I don't recall ever saying anything racist to her

Course you didn't .. 🌸

what you did do .. was stand up to her inappropriate bullying despicable behaviour... and refusing to accept it as normal 🌺

You're way better off out of it lovely 🎉

Original poster
Alipali29 · 07/07/2021 20:47

@QueenBee52
Awww bless you, thanks

OP posts:
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