How to change yourself

[cheeseychovolate]

Hi. I'm looking for any advice on how to turn yourself around. I'm not who I want to be. I'm over weight, not very confident, awful skin, terrible wardrobe and just want to be the opposite of all of these things. How do I turn myself into who I want to be? My relationship is rubbish but I can't leave at the moment, the timings not right and I've got to get my ducks in order.

Thanks

Could it be to learn to love and accept yourself first, just as you are now? Sorry if that sounds flippant but I don't think it will work if you try to change because you don't like yourself.

I think the best idea is to start changing your habits for healthy ones. I'm sure I've read somewhere that it only takes about 30 day to 'ingrain' a habit. Start with small steps.

So, start a skin care routine morning and evening if your skin's not looking good.
Drink LOADS of water a day (that's great for skin)
Try Qi Gong - I do this routine every day. It's simple and makes me feel good.

Start with getting some new clothes - say 3 tops and 3 bottoms that you can mix and match.

Then think about skin. Would cleansing help? Multivitamins. Would something like bb cream make you feel more confident.

Then think about introducing exercise, even just a walk once a day.

Then finally look at food if possible

I really recommend the Happiness Planner. They do a 90 day version which starts with a reflection about where you are and where you want to be.

Each day in the daily journal page you have to list good things that have happened that day, which goes a long way to creating a positive mindset. You also have a little space for about 5-6 daily goals each day. These can be as simple as "drink 2 litres of water" or whatever you want, but simply writing them down does wonders to motivate me towards actually doing them.

It's the single best thing I've found for my mental health and productivity, wouldn't be without one now.

Good luck

I have bad skin. I tried all sorts of products and still had shit skin so I've now started seeing a therapist at a clinic and I have seen a huge improvement in three months following her advice.
It costs more than I'd like but it has been good value.

Well weight seems to be the most important and that would give you more confidence and wanting to wear clothes you like.

Skin .. depends, what are your issues?

I hadn't exercised in years. I started jogging very short distances about 7 years ago. I was hopelessly unfit but did 10 minutes every other evening. The exercise helped me lose weight and the exertion improved my skin dramatically, opened my pores, improved blood flow, so two positives from one change.

It didn't cost anything except a decent pair of trainers, and I did it quietly on my own to begin with, until I got a bit more confident. Start small and keep going Good luck,

I've just started reading 'Get Your Sparkle Back' by Sally Beaton, on recommendation from a few people. Lots of things in there to try for different aspects of your life, including skin, weight loss, energy etc. I'm looking forward to getting some of it going!

Start running. Regularly. Coach to 5k will get you started.

For successfully changing healthy habits, highly recommend Atomic Habits by James Clear.

Dermatica worth looking at for skin (subscription). I have found Sam Bunting videos good too.

skin is an 'easy' tackle - get to a private dermatologist (if you can afford it obviously) and get prescribed isotretotoin (sp?).
I had average skin, but never a time without at least 4/5 spots that took forever to clear up. tried everything known to man, every product, cutting foods, tablets, topical antibiotics, nothing worked.
6 months on these tablets and i'm like a different person. I've been off them for 8 months and NEVER had another spot or even hint at one.
Happy side effects include no coldsores since (usually got 2/3 a month) and can easily go a week without washing my hair.

If you don't have the funds to go private (my appointments were £80per month inc. blood tests, then approx £70-£100 per month for the tablets depending on strength) ask your GP for a dermatologist referral. These can take months to a year btw.

Honestly sorting my skin has boosted my confidence no end which positively impacted other areas of my life so much.

i'll get off my soapbox now

Thank you everyone for all of your suggestions, I'm going to start by doing a walk every other day, look at starting a skin care routine and purchase one of the books you've recommended. Thank you, im feeling a bit more positive now, that I can do it.

Start by drinking a pint of water first thing in the morning.
I did it and now I feel thirsty if I forget. It’s small baby steps.

Sorry if this sounds a bit lame but I think you need to work on your self esteem and confidence first. If you feel bad about yourself then you won’t feel like you’re “worth” doing things like losing weight or having nice skincare products so I would start by focusing on your confidence and acceptance of yourself as you are. I noticed in your post that you said “I’m not who I want to be” but then everything you listed was about your appearance etc rather than who you are as a person. You may not have the latest wardrobe or perfect skin but I’m sure you’re a good mum/friend/colleague and are fun/interesting/funny/creative so maybe try to focus on the aspects of yourself that you like. Nice clothes and makeup and losing weight might help build your confidence but if you have low self esteem then none of it will help (or you might not stick to new habits) because you won’t feel like you deserve it.

Try vit D as well, I had poor skin, hair dropping out, lank, no energy, depressed….. then a daily capsule I was so much better. Trip to GP if you can, ask if they can check some basics to make sure you’re physically ok?
I found committing to doing one thing every day helped. Just saying I’d have a shower and moisturise, or I’d turn out the bathroom cupboard. Something that doesn’t take too long. I think it was the indecision and helplessness that was bad so one little decision and action got me off the floor mentally.

I am sure that you are great! You need to have a bit of self-love! We are all different and the pressure to conform to stereotypes of being slim and fit with flawless skin is unreal. We just need to be ourselves.