Would you home school? So confused 😕

[GoodHairDay86]

So our 5 year old started having SALT when he was 2 as his speech was very delayed. He was acting out in nursery with what we though was frustration. He would hit other children or grab toys etc. Looking back now it would seem the nursery didn't know how to deal with it, with the manager telling me she had never come across a child like him. When he was 3 they had some people come in to see what support he needed. Then covid hit and everything stopped.

Fast forward to now hes in reception. His speech has come on so well word wise but his pronunciation is still off with many things so he is still quite hard to understand. The school had all paperwork from nursery about his behaviour etc all paperwork from SALT before he started. We also had afew zoom meetings to get to know his strong points and struggles etc.

So far the school have been fab, he's had people in to see him , they are currently applying for an ECHP for him and we have had alot of meetings with the sen lead. He got funding and has had a 1 on 1 for the past about 8 weeks a new person from who he was use to. But the past 6 weeks he was on a restricted timetable due to him kicking someone in the face while they climbed up the slide. We had a meeting with sen lead and the head. The head was quite blunt and didn't seem very understanding. Sen lead was saying he didn't do it to be violent. Something in his plan wasn't followed (he likes his own personal space) his 1 on 1 wasn't paying attention and he kicked. Not great i know but should have been avoided. Anyway he didn't get suspended he got pit on a reduced timetable.
He was back full time past 2 weeks all perfect so well behaved.
Past 2 days behaved badly. Today he kicked 2 children unprovoked. DH called to collect and had a quick meeting. Was told he was being suspended and possibly excluded. We have a meeting tomorrow with the Head and the Head of a Pru. They want him to move to the pru.
Is this the right thing to do? Should he be in an sen school? I always thought pru was for really bad behaviour.

Sorry if I've used wrong words 😔 this is so long but I'm so lost. 2 older kids never any issues like this x

The school must give you written exclusion paperwork. Make sure they do as it sounds like they may be trying to illegally exclude DS. I would email them requesting it and pointing out it should be provided 'without delay'. See here.

Was the assessment an Ed Psych assessment?

As part of the EHCNA the LA should seek the following advice:
"a) the child's parents or the young person;
b) educational advice (usually from the head teacher or principal);
c) medical advice and information from a health care professional;
d) psychological advice and information from an educational psychologist;
e) advice and information in relation to social care;
f) advice and information from any other person the local authority thinks appropriate;
g) where the child or young person is in or beyond year 9, advice and information in relation to provision to assist the child or young person in preparation for adulthood and independent living; and
h) advice and information from any person the child's parent or young person reasonably requests that the local authority seek advice from."
SEN regs 6(1)

It doesn't sound like that's been done. H can include SALT and OT assessments.

Transport would be a taxi or minibus, with an escort if needed, so won't necessarily be alone with the taxi driver. Or you can request mileage if you prefer.

@GoodHairDay86

MiiToo thanks for another view. But oh dear I wouldn't feel able to just pop my 5 year old into a cab alone! Or with another child that puts me on edge.

My son as 9 when he started there so a bit older, some of the children have an assistant who travel with them to make it easier for them so it’s not just them and a taxi driver. I suppose also it’s what you’re used to, we live quite rurally so here it’s not unusual for children to get a school bus or taxi to school from reception age

@GoodHairDay86

MiiToo if you don't mind me asking was your child suspended too?

Yes he was, numerous times, I’ve lost count tbh, all fixed term exclusions (what used to be called a suspension) ranging from a day (or rest of the school day when it happened) to 5 days.

Is speech and language his primary need? (Other than the escalation in behaviour at school). Would he benefit from a place at a speech and language unit attached to a mainstream school? Ha the local authority Ed Psych seen him ?

If the school are true to form at some point tomorrow they will say the issue is protecting other pupils from getting hurt. Not unreasonable.

His needs being properly managed by his 1-2-1 would protect other pupils from getting hurt. Also not unreasonable.

Re reading I notice the 1st incident was on a slide. Was this at break time, and any possibility the 1-2-1 saw it as a time for them to have a level of break too and failed to recognize that break and class changeovers and other unstructured time, etc are nearly always the flashpoints when it all goes wrong? (especially for children with ASD) Every 1-2-1 should know this and be being extra vigilant during unstructured time.

I'm also very surprised that the head of a PRU can be rustled up so swiftly after an incident this afternoon? I could be wrong, but combined with what sounds like a poor use of restricted timetabling, that sounds like there was already a plan to 'off role' him as the easiest option.

I suspect you're in a bit of shock at the moment, and just want to keep him home and protect him and home ed may seem like the least painful option.
I'm a long term home edder originally forced, now a happy convert, but agree with PP's about not being pushed out minus an ECHP Your son's difficulties sound like they could be long running or permanent, and that ECHP can be a vital tool for many things, including if you need to go after his education budget to be able to afford to home educate and his rights up to 25 if needed.

I hope you're getting the advice you need on and off board, but I'd go tomorrow with a strategy of not allowing anything final to happen and if need be stalling things while you get all the proper advice you need.

I'm uneasy for you that there's an attempt to railroad that isn't to do with your sons needs and best interests.

I’d be making an official complaint. Children with ECHPs should not be being excluded from school like this. The school should be asking for a review of the ECHP and looking at adding in additional support (or perhaps training for the 1:1) or a new placement at an SEN school if his needs can’t be managed at a mainstream school.

The head teacher is behaving appallingly. Are they expecting ofsted soon?!

(Fellow SEN parent and teacher)

If he has a 1-to-1 and these incidents are still happening then something is going wrong because his assistant should but know him well enough to predict when he’s going to struggle.

Is there a reason for his communication needs - my DS was non verbal until 6 but for the next three years his speech was unintelligible even sometimes to us.

As for home schooling - if that’s genuinely what you think is the right thing for your child then that’s one thing but don’t do it because you feel you have no other option. The school cannot go right to a PRU especially if your DS is currently in the middle of an EHCP assessment. Special school places are hard to get - it will be even more difficult if you are out of education. Ask your current placement for the exclusion paperwork - if your child has SEND and this is why they are displaying challenging behaviour which is leading to an exclusion - the school should be making reasonable adjustments for them to stay in school. Your LA should have an inclusion manager whose job is to enable children with SEN to remain in school and will have strategies to avoid exclusion.

As for the EHCP - have the local authority confirmed they are in the assessment stage?

Phone the local sen school. Ask about places and ask for a look round if possible

It doesn't sound like at this time mainstream is working very well for him. The little ones he attacked must be in quite a shock too..!
I would apply for the SEN school since you think he will like it there and poss more suitable for him. I would not de-register at this point however. Otherwise you won't get the EHCP, so unless dire I would wait for that first or you will have to privately fund it. Something to consider anyway

I just wanted to send some love. You have had some fantastic advice above, but I imagine this is an incredibly hard time for you. Only an amazing parent would show such dedication to their child. As a teacher, I would also say that you shouldn't be afraid to complain. Keep a paper trail. The school are not acting legally.

You need to inform yourself and learn to fight for him instead of being so passive. If you carry on the way you are, you are going to get walked all over and he will suffer as a result.

The school are exploiting your naivety and passivity. Don't let them. Don't trust them blindly when they've already engaged in unlawful actions (the LA does not have the power to displace the law, I am a little shocked you bought that).

Stop viewing them as being your guide through this and independently inform yourself so that you can assert yourself and advocate for him when he is being failed and you're being fed bullshit. They are not on your side and are not there to help you.

Just because they tell you the unlawful things they're doing are fine doesn't make it true! You need to be able to say "no, this is not acceptable" when this shit is happening.

You need to start fighting for him. Pulling him out of school is the opposite of what needs to happen. It is what they want because then they can wash their hands of him.

Sadly it's been this way for decades and children with additional needs are regularly forced out of the education system if their parents are unable to fight for them and stand firm. Being meek and polite and amenable and accepting does not cut it.

You need to be assertive and determined and unrelenting. You speak up when something wrong is done. You challenge when you are spun a line.

You want him to get the support outlined in his plan? Then fight for it. Don't take the bullshit. Don't watch them treat him in unlawful ways. Don't facilitate their discrimination. Don't thank them for failing him. Don't apologise for his needs and differences.

Demand to know why they keep failing him. Tell them it is unacceptable. Refuse to be intimidated into doing something against his interests because they can't be arsed to educate him appropriately.

You are going to have to keep up this fight for him throughout his education - start as you mean to go on. Stop letting them use you as a doormat.

If this post pisses you off then good - use that to power you to stand up to this unjust treatment by the school.

@mummymathsteacher

I just wanted to send some love. You have had some fantastic advice above, but I imagine this is an incredibly hard time for you. Only an amazing parent would show such dedication to their child. As a teacher, I would also say that you shouldn't be afraid to complain. Keep a paper trail. The school are not acting legally.

Agree completely.

You have had some great advice here. I think you need to ask yourself some quite difficult questions.
Do you think, even with support in place, school will meet his needs? Do you think his current school will, now they have shown their true colours? If so, then fight for his place and his right to that education but it will be a fight.
Pru's can be amazing places and can offer far more support and skilled staff than a mainstream can.
Personally, I decided that school was not the place for my daughter and I deregistered her. I am fully aware that I am now going to struggle to get a diagnoses and will get no help from the LA but she is a different child and I am that converted, I have deregistered my other children. It's a massive community with a lot of parents in similar situations to yours. It's worth joining a few facebook home ed groups to see advice and the website Education Otherwise has lots of advice.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

Just to wish you lots of strength and fortitude today as well as wish you good luck, and remind you whichever way you decide to deal with things, to document all you can.

i home educate(it is different to home school)because mostly i dont agree with the old fashioned Victorian school system but mostly because of my children's complex disabilities school is a no go for them.my 17 y ow out but ive still got a y6 11 y old.

it sound like maybe hes to mentally young for school ,if hes struggling this early on in school imaging the years you have to come.
i know of many kids that have been traumatised by bring forced to be in school when they are not ready or cant cope with it.
you have years of schooling left. i also know many of parents that now feel awful because they didnt know this legal way of education existed and regret so many wasted years.

home ed isn't what people think it was in the lock down that's school at home or home leaning.
it really irks me when people think i do what they did in the lock down ,its so not .
you have 24/7 to do what you want when every you want and dont have to prove or answer to anyone.
home ed is you teach them at their pace.

my 11 y ol should be y6 but is mentally years behind so thats what we do.
we unschool(have a goggle)and in all my years of home ed, online and in person and im talking millions here, ive never came across a home schooler(like i said there is a difference)

i agree with you on a pru i always thought it was for trouble disruptive kids and maybe the school is passing the buck here and cant meet his needs but will not say they cant(they won't say it out right as they can get in to legal trouble )bring put in top a pru or even the school mentioning this as a option is so not acceptable at just 5(just the legal age to start school)

if your interested in home ed its very legal and theres so much information on google and a lot of support groups on social media and im talking millions per group(facbook anyway)
theres millions of free resources out there and millions of home ed disabled kids and millions of just kids

ive been a home edder since 2015 and we love this life.

forgot to add your replies are screaming asd to me