To ask for tips with my over excited 5 year old

[parentinghelp123]

Ds1 will be 5 soon and seems impulsive and over excited compared to his friends. He's not great at respecting personal space, is very loud and impulsive, his play is very physical and I need to watch him carefully to make sure the children he's playing with are happy with it.

He has many, many plus points, he's very sweet, happy, positive and clever. He seems very popular despite the fact that I can see children sometimes getting annoyed with the way he plays. He seems to play far more calmly with girls or one on one. In groups or with older boys he gets worse.

Does anyone have any tips on how to teach him some self regulation?

I should add that his uncle has ADHD and I suspect my dh may have too. His nursery haven't raised any issues with me though.

You’ve just described my 5 year old boy. I feel your pain. It’s exhausting.

My son is very very similar and I also wonder about adhd?

Does your son sleep well? Can he sit down and focus when playing a board game? Reading a book together?

Isn't it? It just gets embarrassing sometimes when all the other mums are happy chatting and I'm having to watch my child like a hawk to make sure he's not being a dinosaur and roaring in someone's face who isn't enjoying it 😫
Then I feel bad for him because he really isn't trying to annoy anyone.
I'm just hoping he'll calm down over the next year. He starts school in august.

He sleeps 12 hours a night without a peep and can sit with me to read etc. It seems to be in crowds of people he gets like this. I think it's gotten worse over the last year.
It's his birthday party at the end of the month and I'm starting to dread it.

My 4 year old ds can be alittle as you describe and get alittle too much in other childrens faces. I've talked to him about personal space and how everyone has a bubble and if you get in someones bubble it can make them uncomfortable etc. I've noticed he was just excited when making new friends but seems to be calming down now. I think it can be common at this age and have seen other children behave similarly towards ds too. I find it helpful to just keep reminding him of boundaries and the bubble thing.

I think you have already diagnosed him if you’re honest with yourself

He sounds completely and utterly normal to me. My ds (now early teens) is still like this in many respects

And no adhd

I think you have already diagnosed him if you’re honest with yourself

I haven't diagnosed him with anything. I don't actually think he has adhd but wonder if he's picked up on some of dh and bil's impulsiveness / hyperactivity possibly. He's been at nursery since he was 1 and no one has ever mentioned it as a possibility. In fact they haven't mentioned any issues with his behaviour at all.

@Popcornbetty I like the bubble concept, thanks.

Hopeful bump for more tips

Hoping you get some more tips op but rest assured your little boys sounds perfectly normal (what ever 'normal' is anyway!); loads are the same at this young age!

boy*

Quite a few children are like that, we certainly have a few in our class! (One did just diagnosed with ADHD tho.)

My main tip is you need to hunt out friends for him who enjoy his style of play. Eg if all your mum friends have gentle sensitive typs this may be a good match for you but a bad match for your son.

My tip would be to stop him when he's being 'overexcited'. Tell him off by explaining that we don't play roughly, or shout in people's faces, etc. It drives me nuts when people say things like 'he's just being boisterous' or 'he's a bit overexcited' but don't actually stop their child being a pain in the behind. There are two little boys like this in my ds's class (year 1) and most parents have actually asked the school not to have their children in the same class next year. I don't think the boys are particularly naughty, but they are just not disciplined. Don't let it get out of control, you don't want him to be the child that no one wants near their children.

It's pretty normal at that age.

You just have to keep reinforcing the message of noticing how the other person is feeling and adjusting your play accordingly/respecting boundaries etc. If he likes teddies/puppets/small world play you can act this out with his teddies and model the correct way to behave.

You can look for book that stress this message also. 'Gently Bentley' by Ian Whybrow is along this theme I think.

If it's becoming a real problem avoid big groups for now. Maybe don't have a big party for him if he can't cope with it/will get too excited. Have a smaller gathering or a different treat (day out with one friend maybe?).

@Swifey40 oh I definitely do stop him if it looks like the other child isn't enjoying the play, Or if I can see him getting excited I suggest they play hide and seek then ds calms down a bit by counting to 20. Hence watching him carefully at the park.
We had a chat tonight about his 'race car' sometimes being too fast and loud and about how he can put the breaks on. He seemed to understand the analogy. I also reminded him about kind touch and not kind touch and even a cuddle might not be kind if his friend doesn't like it.
I do see other kids being similar and often kids being outright mean and I sometimes wonder if actually he's perfectly 'normal' and I just notice more because I'm watching so carefully.
I'm sure there's other mums who probably think their kids are perfectly behaved but they haven't noticed things maybe.
It's hard to find a balance between helicopter parent and too relaxed.

@NuffSaidSam we did a bit of this earlier with toys and acted out different scenarios.
His invitations have already gone out.
I second guess myself because I don't know if it is a big problem or if I'm over estimating it. DH doesn't think there's a problem. Today he received 2 play date invitations so then I think, why would he be invited if he was being that annoying?
Maybe I'm too sensitive to it as I'm a bit of an introvert, I tend to really notice how others are feeling too.

One of DS’s peers was like you describe. He was very excitable and loud and was very physical in his play. Unfortunately he was also very large for his age, not overweight, just very very big, so he could inadvertently bowl other kids right over, and he looked at least 2 years older than he was so people who didn’t know him had behavioural expectations outwith his age.
My DS was in his class from nursery right through to end of primary school and although not close friends we went to lots of mutual events and children’s parties.
His parents were brilliant. They watched him like a hawk and if any problems seemed to be starting they immediately and discreetly took him aside for some time out - not in a punishment way but just a ‘you’re getting a bit over excited, come and have a quiet drink with us’ kind of way. If he didn’t comply they just took him away completely with no fuss or further discussion.
They rarely got to enjoy chatting with other parents during parties as they were constantly on full alert, and often had to leave early.
However - as he got older he became much better at self regulation and by mid/late primary he was fine, if anything he was extra careful because he was aware of how much bigger he was and how much he could hurt someone.
He was a lovely boy by the time he left primary.
I was so impressed by how well his parents managed him. It must have been very hard work for them but it really paid off in the end.
I know everyone’s situation is different, but would a similar approach be worth considering?

Hi op. I have 3 adhd boys and all of them are different. Iv had to do a bit more work on social skills with all of them. Roll play, encouraging kind hands and feet. And watching them like a hawk.

In all honesty I wish I'd let my two summer born repeat a nursery year as they have struggled much more than my winter born.

Biggest help Iv found is sport. Preferably more indivudal based like swimming, mountain biking, bmx racing at a track, scooting at indoor skate park

@familygermsareok thankfully ds is just average size! This is the approach I do take. It is tiring and I also have a baby with me all the time.
I think I'll continue with the gentle role play / bubble / kind touch stuff at home too so hopefully by the time ds2 is running off in a different direction I don't need to split myself in two!
I sometimes wonder if it is just me, surely his nursery would have mentioned it if they thought it was unusual? Maybe I'll ask them.

My DS1 would get very over stimulated in big crowds/busy places . He would just run off. He once ran almost the length of London bridge and I had ds2 in the Pram. It was very frightening. We learnt very quickly to hold his hand. He then would not run off but he would make funny little noises and tics! He grew out of it.
Tip for the party - keep it small, simple and short. Then he won’t get so over stimulated and exhibit the behavior you and others don’t like. Outside also seems to help too.

@parentinghelp123 it must be very tiring, especially with a baby too. The role play sounds a good idea too. Hopefully your DS will get the hang of gentle play, the boy I spoke about did learn and was fine in the end.
Some children are just more naturally boisterous, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with him, but it’s also important they learn to rein it in when needed. Sounds like you are already working on it and it might just take time and perseverance.

my 5 year old also does this, Hyper and jumps around in park

Did you mean to resurrect a year old thread?