AIBU to want to do his birthday party on this day?

[Zee23]

My sons 4th birthday is on the 22nd of July,we have never actually celebrated or done a party for him on his actual birthday before, it’s always been done on the weekend closest to his birthday. This year as my daughter (5) and son break up from school/nursery on the wed 21st I really wanted to do his birthday party on his actual birthday on the 22nd, now when I say birthday party we only invite my husbands sister,her husband,there 3 kids and my husbands brother as they are in our bubble,my sister in laws kids actually break up from school on the 16th July, I told her my plans to do my sons birthday party on the 22nd ( bring a bouncy castle make food etc) and she’s told me I cannot do this as her husband and her brother will be at work and that it needs to be done on a weekend. I said okay but after thinking about it, I thought it’s my sons day and I want to celebrate it on the actual day this year, plus I don’t understand what is wrong with her and the kids coming down in the morning and her husband and brother ( who works for my husband actually ) coming down after they have finished work ( considering even if I did his party on a weekend they would turn up whenever they felt like it at about 5pm anyways ) i spoke to my husband last night and I told my husband I want to do his party on the day and that they need to work around us not everything can be just worked around them when they demand for it to be done as every year they have told me I have to do it on a weekend so it’s suitable for them.

I also would have liked to take my son for a day trip,but I can’t do that as they expect for us to pay for them to go and it will just be to expensive.

AIBU?

Do what you want, it shouldn't be up to them when you do it. Also why would they expect you to pay?

Do the day trip on his birthday, and a family party at the weekend. Sorted.

They sound like massive CF's.
I know you've said you want to do the party on his actual birthday, but why not do the day trip on his birthday? If they will be at work anyway on that day you can tell them you've rearranged the party for the day they can do, and then you do whatever you like on the actual day.
And in terms of them expecting you to pay for their days out in future, I'd laugh in their faces next time they suggest it - "You must be joking right?! 😂 Haha it's £XX each, if you want me to book it for you then transfer me the money for you guys and I'll book it at XX time, otherwise I'll just do it for me/DS/etc"

@RaginaFalangi whenever it’s our kids birthdays ( even ours) they consider it as “our treat” to them, they call up every birthday asking where we are taking them. My husbands family is Asian so I think it’s an Asian thing but I don’t agree with it

@Zee23 where do they take you on their kids'/their birthdays?

Go ahead with your date as planned and offer to see them at the weekend separately maybe?

If your doing the party on a weekday and they are working then it’s up to them if they come? I can understand that weekend would be easier for them. But you don’t have to have guests so do what you like

Take your son for the day trip and say we are going to x for a birthday trip if you want to meet us there - no drama no need to pay

I think you’re overthinking it all

@hulahoopqueen that’s the funny thing, no where 😂 always a bbq at their house but they always expect for us to take them out places for our kids birthdays. My birthday was in June and no joke his sister called up every day for a week asking where we was taking them and which restaurant we was taking them to. My husband said we was going to leave the kids with them so we could go out as a couple, my sister in law told him no we have to take them with us if we want to go out. It angers me,it makes me laugh writing about it as it does sound ridiculous but that’s how they are.

I think I’d prefer n out inviting them at all but I have to for my husbands sake plus my son really wants a bouncy castle.

@Zee23 do they 'treat' you when it's their birthdays? if not then that really needs to be nipped in the bud.

@Wambamincorrectlyinstalledfan

If your doing the party on a weekday and they are working then it’s up to them if they come? I can understand that weekend would be easier for them. But you don’t have to have guests so do what you like

Take your son for the day trip and say we are going to x for a birthday trip if you want to meet us there - no drama no need to pay

I think you’re overthinking it all

I probably am over thinking it yeah, but it’s just the way my husbands family are. We have already had comments about where we are taking them and “ oh this place looks nice your sons birthday is coming up” which makes me over think these things. As I said my husbands family is Asian ( Pakistani) and it seems to be a running theme that we can’t say no to them ( not me, just how my husband is so I go along for peace and quiet )

I also would have liked to take my son for a day trip,but I can’t do that as they expect for us to pay for them to go and it will just be to expensive

If you are old enough to have a child, you are old enough to say " we are going to x for the day. You are welcome to join us, but you will have to pay for your own entrance fee. "

[quote Zee23]@hulahoopqueen that’s the funny thing, no where 😂 always a bbq at their house but they always expect for us to take them out places for our kids birthdays. My birthday was in June and no joke his sister called up every day for a week asking where we was taking them and which restaurant we was taking them to. My husband said we was going to leave the kids with them so we could go out as a couple, my sister in law told him no we have to take them with us if we want to go out. It angers me,it makes me laugh writing about it as it does sound ridiculous but that’s how they are.

I think I’d prefer n out inviting them at all but I have to for my husbands sake plus my son really wants a bouncy castle.[/quote]
What total cheeky fuckers! 😂 I'd be massively reducing the time spent with them, and I'd also look at getting a different babysitter for nights out rather than using them, so when you do have nice meals out they don't need to know about them 😇

No YANBU to celebrate your son's birthday on his actual birthday and to invite your BILs to join you after work. But they would not be unreasonable to turn the invite down either. Your SIL is being unreasonable to say you can't do this!

On the other hand, given these are the only people invited (as you say "party" is a bit of a stretch) I'd think about doing something with just your own family on the actual day and have the slightly bigger family celebration at the weekend with everyone there and relaxed?

It’s not “an Asian thing”.

HTH.

My birthday was in June and no joke his sister called up every day for a week asking where we was taking them and which restaurant we was taking them to. My husband said we was going to leave the kids with them so we could go out as a couple, my sister in law told him no we have to take them with us if we want to go out. It angers me,it makes me laugh writing about it as it does sound ridiculous but that’s how they are

And did you take them out? Because if you did, you're nuts.

Stop pandering to these lunatics! Have our kids birthday when you want, go out where you want. Just say no.

You can have the party whenever you like and its up to them if they go. Not everyone is up for a kids party after working all day.

As for the day out just do your own thing and ignore.

I would do the family day trip in the actual birthday then a party on the weekend. Mainly because a weekday would be less busy for the day trip!

Not too impressed with 'its an asian thing', especially as you clearly aren't! Well I am and if I was having a party at softplay for example I wouldn't expect guests to pay for their own entry regardless of if they were family or not. My son is turning 4 a week after yours and we are taking him to a local farm with an adventure park, my bil will probably pay for his own family's entrance fee if they would like to come along but I would quite happily cover it as we can afford too and they would return the favour.

Your in laws are cheeky fuckers and you and the husband allow them to get away with it. You have a voice so use it, your kids birthday doesn't have to be a negotiation, do it whenever suits you and say so. Don't explain just state your intentions!

Even if you don't have a big party on his birthday and do so at the weekend (which is what I would normally do), what is there to stop you doing a small party for your immediate family at home or taking your son out somewhere as a nuclear family?

You can do what ever you want.

@Sceptre86

Not too impressed with 'its an asian thing', especially as you clearly aren't! Well I am and if I was having a party at softplay for example I wouldn't expect guests to pay for their own entry regardless of if they were family or not. My son is turning 4 a week after yours and we are taking him to a local farm with an adventure park, my bil will probably pay for his own family's entrance fee if they would like to come along but I would quite happily cover it as we can afford too and they would return the favour.

Your in laws are cheeky fuckers and you and the husband allow them to get away with it. You have a voice so use it, your kids birthday doesn't have to be a negotiation, do it whenever suits you and say so. Don't explain just state your intentions!

Even if you don't have a big party on his birthday and do so at the weekend (which is what I would normally do), what is there to stop you doing a small party for your immediate family at home or taking your son out somewhere as a nuclear family?

Well I’ve never met anyone else who thinks this way,it’s not just with the birthday parties they think this way about everything,since marrying my husband my circle has become entirely Asians ( my choice of course) I’m a reverted Muslim, my husband and his sister,brother we’re all born in Pakistan and came to live here in their adult lives, the same with the people who I know who are in my circle, I’m not saying all Asians and I don’t want people to take it the wrong way. Just that they have lived in Pakistan for the majority of their life and after being married for 7 years I can tell you their thinking is very very different to Pakistanis/asians who are born here or elsewhere that’s why I said I think it’s an Asian thing. Sorry if I caused offence or said it in the wrong way that was not my intention.

Personally, I think I would take DS on a day trip with DH and DD on his actual birthday. Don't tell SIL anything about it, just do it and do not agree to any suggestions that you meet up with her and her family on that day.
Then, have the bouncy castle at the weekend. Maybe do a BBQ. DO not under any circumstances pay for anything other than the hire of the castle and the food/drink you serve.

Your family is taking the mick basically and just want a free day out. If the do the same then fine but seen as they don’t then no chance. Do exactly as you please.

Asian is a race. It covers a whole continent. It does not have one mentality or culture.

I say this as a mixed raved Asian. Your experience is of Pakistani community, and with in that there will different etiquettes depending on the “caste system” just like in this country.

Please understand what you are saying for you DC’s sake.

I’m mixed Indian, and there’s even more of a mix there as we have a more diverse religious demographic than Pakistan. I would hate it for some one to sum up that I am the way I am because of being Asian, or Indian to some extent.

But my British side would feel bad inviting people to celebrate my DC’s birthday somewhere that costs money without paying or at least subsiding or being brutally honest from the outset abs not offended if anyone says they can’t come. It’s a direct link to the British “I’m sorry” mentality.

Do they take you out for their birthdays? And do you suggest/pressurise as to where they take you on their birthdays?

I feel for your situation but this is most definitely not an “Asian thing”. Stop reducing Asian people to stereotypes