To expect that moving would help…?

[Swan2019]

Background is that we have three young children. 6, 4 and 2.
I am beyond knackered. Pandemic aside, I had PND after my third child which then slid into the first lockdown and ongoing home schooling chaos.
Whilst my husband has been working at home for the majority of this year, his job means that he is mostly away for two or three nights a week in normal life. We are beginning to get back to that sort of set up and I’m already feeling it. I am working on a very part time basis at the moment, but would like to get back to work properly within the next few years.
We live in a beautiful part of the country and we do have lovely friends and a good social life normally, however we have no family close by.
My entire family live in the same place - five hours away from us. If we lived there, we would have two sets of grandparents (my parents both have new partners) aunties, uncles, cousins, my closest school friends etc etc… not only do I miss them all, I desperately want to have people around me who I could call on to help occasionally. I’m not talking huge amounts, but the opportunity to pop round to see my mum for an hour after picking the kids up from school just feels like it would be the answer to all my prayers.

My husband was born and raised where we live currently and, whilst he is not completely against moving, I feel it is a lot to ask of him and I’m not sure whether I should be the person to force us into such a huge decision.
I should add that, as he will be travelling for work anyway, it doesn’t really matter where our ‘base’ is. He will work from home on the days that he isn’t away.

Has anybody moved across the country to be closer to family? Would it fix the issues we’re facing? Or AIBU to expect that it would help…?

I think we're a bit the opposite of you in that we moved to live in the middle of DH's very large and supportive extended family, where all his school friends live etc and away from where I grew up. I'd say on the whole it's been a positive for us, not entirely without it's cons (much more expensive area of the country so we have a much smaller house/less expendable cash than we would have where I grew up) but on the whole I would say the pros outweigh the cons. I do sometimes feel a bit sad that our social life now tends to revolve around DH's friends and family so much, not because they aren't lovely, they fully treat me as one of the family, but my family are far more pushed to one side as either we or they need to travel to see them, stay overnight etc so it has to be fully planned in advance whereas with DH's lot we can pop over on a whim. So if you do this I think you'd need to consider how you ensure your DH doesn't end up distanced from his family, every birthday/family event being spent with your family not his etc...

Also, of course I think you need to consider fully how the move would work for your family as a whole - e.g. how are schools in the new area (including secondaries) compared to how you are now? House prices? Any lifestyle/hobby considerations, e.g. if you enjoy rural pursuits and you'd be moving to somewhere more urban how would that work? And while I'd be cautious about pinning all your hopes of 'fixing' everything that's difficult now by being close to family (having 3 young ones and a DH that works away is always going to be really hard no matter what), I do think a supportive network of family and friends makes a big difference especially if they're at a similar life stage to you (have young children etc) so all other things being equal I'd say go for it...

Could you rent for 6months to a year to give it a go & rent your house out (presuming you home own currently?)

We moved after our youngest was born away from all our family & friends to be closer to my partners work/somewhere cheaper. Plan was just 12 months for my maternity leave & then move back.

It turned out to be the best decision. We’ve been here 6yrs now & subsequently bought a house.

I will add a disclaimer that we’re still close enough to visit for an afternoon or evening so not as far away.