Why does everyone have to comment and have an opinion on you

[Chocolatebox11]

I have opinions too of course, but if they aren’t so nice then I keep them to myself. I also hate gossip and find it sad that people have nothing better to do than talk about others.

Been working with 2 ladies who I thought were really genuinely nice. Like going out of their way to be nice to me at times and very welcoming.

Another colleague arrived later on and I heard her and one of the ladies talking about me ever so quietly even though I was in the same room. One of my colleagues said something. I don’t know what, to which the new colleague replied, “Aww, but she’s really nice though.” So assuming it was negative what she had said before.

Another time recently, I was out for a drink with a friend of mine and a girl she knows who I don’t know well. I can be shy but I tried to make the effort to chat to this other girl. But apparently the next day she said to my friend “You could tell she was really nervous.” Well I wasn’t, and I don’t know what sort of conversation they’d been having about me really.

I’m probably being overly sensitive. I know there will always be people who don’t like me or just have to comment on something. I just feel that a lot of people are so two faced and I have no idea whether I can trust them or not. Do I need to be less sensitive?

Your colleagues could have been commenting on your quietness, so not negative. Likewise the second comment wasn't necessarily negative. It's naive to think people aren't going to discuss someone they've just met. People comment on other people.
I think you are taking things the wrong way.

There’s no need for them to discuss me when I’m in the same bloody room and then looking at me.

I think it’s a bit bitchy to discuss how quiet somebody is. So what? We’re all different.

@Chocolatebox11

There’s no need for them to discuss me when I’m in the same bloody room and then looking at me.

Tell them to stop. 🤷‍♀️

It annoys me too. People jump to the weirdest conclusions about others.

Yes. You need to be less sensitive.

I guess I can’t really help disliking it.

Talking about you in front of you is very weird and rude. I'd concentrate on the fact that one said you were really nice though! The other might just have been saying you're a bit shy or quiet. Some people like being around loud chatty people and others prefer a quiet listener. I don't think anyone's said anything particularly negative or that you should take to heart, it's fine to be shy/introverted/nervous/quiet, if they start talking about you again just look at them wide eyed and say 'sorry??'

That really rude and I don't think your being over sensitive. They maybe don't mean anything bad by it but now it's making you uncomfortable.

OP you are lying if you’ve never discussed other people and said something negative about them. Everyone does. That’s all they were doing. Careless to do it while you were in the room but people are entitled to opinions and entitled to discuss other people they have met. That includes you.

Best way to deal with it “other people’s opinions of you are none of your business”

“All they were doing was slagging you off.”

Well it just makes me feel I can’t trust them really and knowing what they truly think of me.

Don’t really have to do it, it’s just gossip.

Well to be fair most of us form a view/ impression of someone based on what we see and experience. I might mention such a view when talking to someone else.

Discussing in front of you with side glances is bloody rude though.

Another thing that irritates me is when people leap to conclusions and tell you what you are like as if they know you better than you know yourself. I'm a quiet person and I've had:

"But why are you going a to a festival? You only like classical music" as if quiet people only stay at home and listen to classical music! (I don't dislike it but it would never be my choice!)

"I'm really surprised you do [my career]. I thought you'd be working in a library or a little tea shop." (Assumes no drive or ambition - I have plenty!)

"You won't mind [being given the short straw or being left out]". (Actually I do and I'm good at asserting myself when this happens, then the offender acts all hurt and affronted that I'm actually not easy to push around.)

Why didn't you confront them if they were blatantly talking about you while you were there? That's just rude no matter what they were saying.

I also think your friend shouldn't be telling you what other people have said, why did she do that?

You have posted on a forum about how horrible your colleagues are.

You may not have named them but you have shown that you also have an opinion on them and comment on them.

You are being too sensitive, yes.

These are incredibly mild comments about you.

Life is full of people with opinions. You need to learn how to filter them out

@Chocolatebox11

There’s no need for them to discuss me when I’m in the same bloody room and then looking at me.

Do you really never talk about anyone when they're not there? I was under the impression that everyone talked about everyone else, to be honest, particularly in a workplace. Being talked about for shyness isn't a bad thing, particularly.

I used to get really annoyed about how judgy and bitchy/2 faced people can be, but I've recently learnt to just accept that other people will only ever see their own point of view and you can't change how they behave.
When you find a genuine kind person..... Keep that person close as I do think they are quite hard to come by.

It's what people do. It's what they have always done. It's naive to expect you alone to be exempt from the human propensity for talking about each other.
Guess what...Lovely kind people do it too. Everyone does.

You can't change people gossiping and having opinions. That's a bit ridiculous to even question because that's life and you can't control that. What you can do is control your reaction to that. You can confront them and be assertive.

@Chocolatebox11

Well it just makes me feel I can’t trust them really and knowing what they truly think of me.

Surely it’s in your benefit to know this though? It means you’re in a better position with regards to what you share with them than you were before.

OP you haven’t clarified whether you have never shared your own opinion of someone with someone else. Are you saying you never have?

You have absolutely no idea what they were saying and from what you have described it doesn't sound as though it was anything particularly negative. It could quite easily have been something as innocuous as do you think chocolatebox would like to come to a bbq if I asked her, she is very quiet so I haven't got to know her well yet. Answer she is quiet but she she is really nice.