Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask work if I can go back in this week

23 replies

Wineisrequired · 06/07/2021 07:49

So I need some advice. I’m a single mum with a teenager who has suddenly turned into a lazy self entitled child. I know u have to pick your battles but it’s seriously driving me mad . I work full time but took this week off as work is a bit stressful at the mo and I’ve got lots of holiday. My son who is 17 is in the house all day as he goes back to college in September. He has looked for a job but so far no joy. He stays in bed till 12 and then commences a feeding frenzy leaving bowls and cups in his bedroom. Then yesterday he asked me for money towards a football season ticket. 130 quid to be exact. I know it’s tough being a teenager at the moment and at his age I was out working . Do I just need to chill out as September and college aren’t that far off now?

OP posts:
spotcheck · 06/07/2021 07:53

No, you don't need to chill out.
If he doesn't have a job, he should be helping out in the house. The very very least is that he cleans up after himself.

Have a conversation with him. Hes old enough to understand that you don't like doing chores either.
Have a chore list. Teach him how to do jobs that he may not know how to yet

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/07/2021 07:57

The staying in bed wouldnt bother me but clearing up after themselves is a basic courtesy. Who is bringing those bowls down and washing them? Please dont say you.

Original poster
Wineisrequired · 06/07/2021 08:00

I’ve had the chat with him so many times. He does nothing to help me at all. He’s even stopped talking to his dad now as he gave him the lecture as well. I don’t get how he thinks he can ask me for that level of cash but put nothing in if u see what I mean. It’s driving me mad. Do all teenagers go through this stage ?

OP posts:
YelloYelloYello · 06/07/2021 08:00

Staying in bed late is pretty standard for a teenager. The dirty dishes he should be sorting himself though.

If he can’t find a job and you want to give him the money for the season ticket then is there anything he could do around the house that you could pay him for? I’m not talking the general chores he should be doing anyway but anything big like diy?

Original poster
Wineisrequired · 06/07/2021 08:03

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz yep it’s me as I’m way to nice . Work colleagues have said I need to stop being his maid and stop giving him lifts everywhere and he will soon learn . At his age I wanted to work and have driving lessons to get out of where I lived. I’m now starting to worry about when he goes to college and will he stick at it .

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 06/07/2021 08:04

No, OP. It may be common for them to behave like this but not all of them do.

My 16yo works and doesn't expect handouts. She pulls her weight around the house too. However, that doesn't really make any difference to you right now.

Can you afford to give him the cash that he is asking for? If so, can you put some conditions around it so that he has to earn it?

Original poster
Wineisrequired · 06/07/2021 08:05

@YelloYelloYello so we had another chat last night and he has said he’s going to b more helpful. I would be happy to maybe go halves and then his dad dies the rest. Not sure how that will go though as his dad is telling me he’s not giving him anymore money .

OP posts:
Original poster
Wineisrequired · 06/07/2021 08:05

Sorry does not dies

OP posts:
Original poster
Wineisrequired · 06/07/2021 08:07

@AlexaShutUp I’m going to try and put things in place that he has to do . Is this my fault as sometimes as a working mum it’s easier to avoid conflict and do it yourself . I just don’t get it as I’ve worked since I was 15 and always helped my mum around the house .

OP posts:
GoWalkabout · 06/07/2021 08:07

All sounds pretty normal. Well done for the chat. He needs to move towards being a functioning adult.

CupOfTPlease · 06/07/2021 08:08

He needs to clean up after himself. He's 17 not 7.

If I didn't clear up after myself at that age I'd probably end up wearing the plate. Lighthearted but I wouldn't of got away with it.

Also been working since I was 16. He needs to apply for anything he sees!

MrsMoastyToasty · 06/07/2021 08:09

If he wants (it's not a need) a season ticket he needs to get out of his bed and get a job to pay for one.

ThinWomansBrain · 06/07/2021 08:11

Does he get regular pocket money - why can't he pay a portion of the ticket from that?
unless you stop the pocket money because of his repeated failure to clean up after himself

Original poster
Wineisrequired · 06/07/2021 08:15

@ThinWomansBrain- so about a year ago I offered pocket money if he maybe put bins out/ cut the grass . It never happened so no money from me .

OP posts:
Original poster
Wineisrequired · 06/07/2021 08:17

@MrsMoastyToasty- I agree and I even applied for a few jobs for him. I even asked my work if he can work in the warehouse .

OP posts:
alwayslearning789 · 06/07/2021 08:22

"I’m going to try and put things in place that he has to do . Is this my fault as sometimes as a working mum it’s easier to avoid conflict and do it yourself . I just don’t get it as I’ve worked since I was 15 and always helped my mum around the house."

I understand OP as have child around the same age and circumstances.

I think this is one of the silent side effects of the pandemic restrictions on the Teenage population in particular.

It's hard enough in normal times motivating them with all the teenage growth and angst, but after a year and a bit of being cooped in they are now having to get up and get on with it.

Adults are going through the same thing, but mainly forced by bills and responsibilities to get on with it.

You have made a good start by having a chat... I can imagine it feels overwhelming for them in ways they cannot explain.

Patience and persistence... and trying not to lose my temper as well over here. You are not alone:)

Original poster
Wineisrequired · 06/07/2021 08:23

Thank you for all the feedback as it’s just a bit overwhelming at times and always good to get other people’s advice. As of today I will not be picking up anymore plates and need to toughen up a bit .

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 06/07/2021 08:24

No, OP, it isn't your fault, and it has nothing to do with you being a working mum either. I have worked ft since dd was tiny, it makes no difference.

I think a lot of it is just down to innate personality combined with immaturity and teenage hormones tbh. He'll probably emerge as a decent human being in a couple of years!Grin

In the meantime, don't enable his behaviour by giving him cash unless he can demonstrate that he actually deserves it.

YelloYelloYello · 06/07/2021 08:25

Well done OP, you can do it.

RLOU30 · 06/07/2021 08:28

You sound a fab strong mum. I hope I can be like you when my 3 year old son hits teens.

Manzanilla55 · 06/07/2021 08:28

D s is 16 and only gets monthly cash on the basis he does certain tasks each week.

Original poster
Wineisrequired · 06/07/2021 08:33

@AlexaShutUp- oh god years 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Wineisrequired · 06/07/2021 08:36

@RLOU30- I love him to bits but sometimes you wish they came with a manual/handbook so you know what to expect 🤣 maybe I could write one id make a fortune

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page