To feel life is unbearably shit.

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Since getting pregnant with DS almost 6 years ago, my life has been undeniably shit. Abusive partner, who it took me years to leave, social isolation, money issues, and generally feeling shit about life.

DS is lovely but I really don’t know how much longer I can live like this. I have been trying constantly to better things for us both, working as many hours as possible, and it all feels like a huge waste of time. I thought things were looking up this year, I got a better paid job and met someone I thought I really thought I could have a future with, but that turned to shit too and I’m left feeling worse than before I met them.

As if things weren’t shit enough, since the first lockdown I’ve gone from 150lbs to 200lbs, from eating junk and binge eating out of misery and boredom.

I’m 28 and genuinely feel like my life ended when I got pregnant. I honestly don’t know what to do. I suppose I’m just posting as a last ditch attempt to get any kind of advice on how I dig myself out of this hole I’m in

Get to your GP and ask for help. Ask them to score you for depression. You don't have to do all this on your own.

💐 morning op.
You've taken the first step towards your new future by acknowledging you need advice and asking for it.🌈
Write down what you do like about your life then another about what you don't like and next to each dislike put a possible answer ,i.e. Weight gain - join a slimming club/buy healthy stuff and only treats for ds,ones he likes but you dont.
Consider seeing GP for some short term anti depression help until you have made the positive changes and feel more like yourself.
You mention you've felt your life was negatively impacted by your ds,did you suffer pnd?if so was it addressed?
Many of us look back at our old selves,we were all younger,slimmer,happier,had more freedom,better jobs etc but nothing stays the same forever and when you're looking back you can't move forward we HAVE to live in the now.forget life before your ds was born and concentrate on your today.
Take up a hobby,I've a feeling there's something you like to do,join a club or group connected to this and I feel you will meet someone through that.
Do you like cycling?you and ds could go out together for rides and picnics,enjoy each others company.
He won't be little forever,you'll gradually get more and more time for yourself,but with that comes him not needing you so much and you might find yourself missing that(yes,honestly😀)so cherish your time together,make happy memories.
You're going to be just great.🌞

I think the advice to go to the GP is worth doing.
Dating these days is tough if you want a long term relationship. A lot of men in your age group aren't looking for long term commitment yet. That doesn't mean that it won't happen, but it's a common problem.
Separate out what you think you need to change. Achieving small goals increases our confidence. Finding things to be grateful for is another useful tool. Make sure that you have fun times. If possible with and without your Son.
Many women blossom in their 30's and your son will be a lot more independent. So whatever you're feeling won't be forever.

I think advice above is good. Also don’t fall into the trap of thinking you need a partner to be happy. You don’t - you can make your own happiness. When you are feeling happy, confident, contented etc- that will be the time that you should think about looking for a partner - at that point they will probably find you

Thanks for the replies, I should have mentioned in my op but I have tried Cbt through my GP which didn’t really help at all, I also tried private psychotherapy which was a very expensive waste of time too. I know that my circumstances are changeable, I know I could lose weight, improve my social life, keep working on my career goals, but because of how flat I feel everything just feels completely pointless. I feel guilty that I’m losing years of my life to feeling depressed, I have friends who’ve suffered depression but it’s been shorter episodes of months rather than years, because I’ve felt like this for so much longer it really does feel like I’ll be stuck like this forever.

@KarmaStar I had some CBT while pregnant which I didn’t find helpful, I think the main reason I felt so bad was the abusive relationship, I felt great at first after ending things but then we went into lockdown, I put on all the weight, and ended up still feeling really rubbish.