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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex wants to take isolating child

27 replies

coco2303 · 05/07/2021 23:15

So basically today I had to collect my youngest daughter from school as her school bubble has burst..... both my daughters are due to go away with their dad this weekend. He never ever has them for more than a couple of hours and that is sparse. Anyway my youngest really really wanted to go, we had tears when I said she couldn't go now as she has to isolate, but her sister can go as she doesn't have to isolate..... my youngest is 6 btw, oldest is turning 8 this weekend.......

So basically they would be going with his family who have a minibus driven by his moms husband and a private cottage with hot tub ect. Everyone who is going is aware of self isolation and I feel like I am fighting a losing battle..... they are saying she should go, as her sister lives with her and they sleep in the same bed ect and she can still go. That it is their risk to take and my isolated daughter will be no where near anyone else other than them. My main argument wasn't the worry for them but not knowing if any other vulnerable people who werent able to make that choice were around .....

So basically what would u do? Would u let the risk be there's and let her go? Or stick to protocol.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 05/07/2021 23:22

oh bloody hell that is awful that this has happened!
i'd probably send her

Snookie00 · 05/07/2021 23:26

I’d send her assuming she doesn’t show any symptoms this week and you test her before she goes. She can isolate with them. Kids can go between their parents.

Radio4ordie · 05/07/2021 23:27

I’d send her and if they catch COVID, it’s on them. I would absolutely not discuss the risks with my child though because if they did catch COVID I wouldn’t want her to think it was in any way her fault. That’s her DF and DGPs responsibility.

cadburyegg · 05/07/2021 23:28

I would let her go. From September they are scrapping the rule that kids have to isolate due to a classmate catching covid anyway. Plus children are allowed to isolate with either parent I’m pretty sure

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/07/2021 23:28

I’d send her to be honest, if they are all aware of it.

I just couldn’t keep her home while her sister goes.

rantymcrantface66 · 05/07/2021 23:30

Dc can move between parents homes regardless of their covid or isolation status and this has been the case from the start. What he plans to do with his time with them, especially as family are aware, isn't your responsibility.

Original poster
coco2303 · 05/07/2021 23:30

Snookie00 I have actually tried to research the going between parents and I can't find anything concrete that says am isolating child can...... I am swaying more to letting her go purely because it isn't public transport or a hotel its all self contained.

I have ordered a pcr test and plan to lateral flow test her tomorrow and Wednesday, hopefully pcr is here by Wednesday aswell.

I know technically she shouldn't go.... but if everyone she will be in contact with is happy for her to go and noone else is at risk is it worth bending the rules slightly

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 05/07/2021 23:31

I’d send her. They’ve chosen to risk assess and are prepared to take the risk.

JanFebAnyMonth · 05/07/2021 23:33

There was a similar thread to this a few days ago and I posted the relevant advice (from Priti Patel and a law firm), will find it. Basically they’ve said it’s up to the parents to jointly decide, which I know is not way in many cases.

Original poster
coco2303 · 05/07/2021 23:33

Rantymcrantface that makes me feel better confirming they can move between parents.

Cadburyegg that is also helpful information, honestly thought I would get a proper bashing even considering letting her go. So wanted to come on here to see what the general public would feel about it

OP posts:
Original poster
coco2303 · 05/07/2021 23:34

Janfebanymonth that info would be really helpful right now lol

OP posts:
Northernlurker · 05/07/2021 23:35

Send her. The risk is low and they understand that.

saraclara · 05/07/2021 23:36

If everyone's happy about her going, then let her go. She will only be with that group and not coming into contact with others. And the chances of her getting it are very very small.

It would be pure cruelty to prevent her going, when she's basically just going to be isolating with a different branch of her family.

musicalfrog · 05/07/2021 23:37

Defo let her go, poor kids have had a rough ride for so long, they deserve a break.

JanFebAnyMonth · 05/07/2021 23:37

Sorry I meant Nadine Dories
Here we are. It’s typical govt woolliness actually, go down to the Nadine Dorries bit

childlawadvice.org.uk/coronavirus-separated-families-and-contact/

WorraLiberty · 05/07/2021 23:40

I'd give them both a LFT a couple of hours beforehand and just let her go.

EasterIssland · 05/07/2021 23:41

@rantymcrantface66

Dc can move between parents homes regardless of their covid or isolation status and this has been the case from the start. What he plans to do with his time with them, especially as family are aware, isn't your responsibility.
This is not true when self isolating. It’s when we’ve been in lockdown but not if asked to self isolate “ That person self-isolating must not leave the above specified places, except where necessary. The regulation does NOT list visiting a parent whom a child does not usually live with as a reason why a person self-isolating may leave the house”
EasterIssland · 05/07/2021 23:46

[quote JanFebAnyMonth]Sorry I meant Nadine Dories
Here we are. It’s typical govt woolliness actually, go down to the Nadine Dorries bit

childlawadvice.org.uk/coronavirus-separated-families-and-contact/[/quote]
From your post
“ That person self-isolating must not leave the above specified places, except where necessary. The regulation does NOT list visiting a parent whom a child does not usually live with as a reason why a person self-isolating may leave the house.

There are a limited number of circumstances where an individual may leave self isolation, including where there is a need to fulfil a legal obligation or it becomes impracticable to remain at the original address provided for self-isolation. These circumstances may apply where there are legal arrangements governing the time a child spends with each parent. We do not offer advice on specific circumstances as each scenario is different for every family.“

Don’t think sending a child on holiday is special circumstances. I’m not saying whether it’s right or wrong , just that it’s not what it’s recommended / advised

Bagamoyo1 · 05/07/2021 23:46

I’d send her , definitely.

JanFebAnyMonth · 05/07/2021 23:48

Yes but then comes this bit:

In response to a Parliamentary Question in November 2020, the Department of Health and Social Care said that “if a child has been instructed to self-isolate by NHS Test and Trace […] where possible, the parents or guardians should arrange for a child to remain at the same address during their period of self-isolation”. Regarding joint-custody parents and an individual leaving self-isolation, the Minister, Nadine Dorries, stated:

There are a limited number of circumstances where an individual may leave self isolation, including where there is a need to fulfil a legal obligation or it becomes impracticable to remain at the original address provided for self-isolation. These circumstances may apply where there are legal arrangements governing the time a child spends with each parent. We do not offer advice on specific circumstances as each scenario is different for every family.

So I guess it’s no quite as woolly as I’d previously thought. ‘Is there a court order re contact in place?’ seems to be an important question. And ‘Could the holiday be defined as “necessary”?’

JanFebAnyMonth · 05/07/2021 23:51

I think no one would attempt to fine you for sending her, but it’s not the best idea. Also, what if she were to become ill whilst away - you say he’s only had her for a few hours previously, would he (or another member of his family) know how to care for her adequately, including getting her tested?

rantymcrantface66 · 05/07/2021 23:52

This is not true when self isolating. It’s when we’ve been in lockdown but not if asked to self isolate
“ That person self-isolating must not leave the above specified places, except where necessary. The regulation does NOT list visiting a parent whom a child does not usually live with as a reason why a person self-isolating may leave the house”

It's definitely the case. Exp went to lengths to check. Solicitor confirmed that court order had to be adhered to. I guess without an order it would not be forced but still an acceptable reason

Original poster
coco2303 · 05/07/2021 23:54

No court order in place i don't stop him seeing them for there to be a need for a court order..... he just doesn't see them often. Which for my youngest makes things like this all the more exciting 🙄 .

It depends what u define as necessary...... its the only time he is spending with them for weeks and the first overnight they have ever had with him..... amazing what his mom paying for a holiday will do 🙄.

OP posts:
Original poster
coco2303 · 05/07/2021 23:56

There is a nursery manager and a Foster carer going so I would say they would be capable of looking after her IF she got poorly. It is literally for 2 nights

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 06/07/2021 00:04

It's Monday. Lateral flow test on Friday morning (and Wednesday if the contact was presumably last week). If she's clear, then she goes, if she's not then you and her sister will be close contacts. I think you'll find your ex-h and his family are not so keen with a positive diagnosis.