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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if I’m a shit friend?

37 replies

BurberryWeather · 05/07/2021 20:37

I’m unsure if I am too sensitive, I try not to be but I struggle especially right now at a low point in my law.

Friend in a relationship continuously asks me if I’m on tinder. No idea why as I don’t bring up being single. Or she asks if I’m talking to anyone and when I respond with no I get a “aww” sad face. Or when a different friend wanted to set me up with someone she said having looked at his photo that he “looked up himself”

Or when I was upset about receiving an average appraisal at work that’s when she decides to tell me how she got a pay rise without being told and it was backdated 6 months.

Or I was thinking of getting cosmetic surgery and she said please don’t turn into one of those girls that always takes photos of herself on Instagram. I am far far far from this and extremely self conscious so should she not be happy to see me being confident for once in my life? ( not that I would do the Instagram thing)

She’s honestly better than me in every single aspect. Not feeling sorry for myself, it’s just a fact.

Anyway I treated myself to a new car last year and she’s done nothing but go on about now she wants a new car. The yesterday she randomly text me to send me a video of the Mercedes she’s just bought with a OMG look what I just got. Literally going out of her way to show off.

Coming to why I’m a shit friend .. but I can’t even bring myself to respond to the message to just say congratulations. I know it makes me an awful person.

Am I being awful? I will obviously respond at some point,

OP posts:

Pedalpushers · 05/07/2021 21:22

I had a friend who did this so I used their showing off as a springboard to discuss other people's good news.

Oh you got a pay rise? That's cool. So many people celebrating at the moment, X just got a huuuge promotion. She didn't like being in competition with people who were doing much better than her, funny enough.

SylvanianFrenemies · 05/07/2021 21:25

She is not a friend. She also sounds incredibly dull. What's the appeal?

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 05/07/2021 21:29

You're not the shit friend here OP, you make your friends feel good, not make them feel shit and compete against them. Start making things up that are extravagant and see how far she'd go to get one up on you, you may aswell get some amusement from it. Tell her about a luxury holiday that you are 'thinking of booking', you might trade your car in for a better model, let her think you're doing things and she'll start spending or making herself look an idiot trying to go one better. That's what I would do but Im a bit of a bitch when I want to be

HotChocolateLover · 05/07/2021 21:29

She’s NOT your friend. My ex-friend was like this and it’s only now I can see how toxic she really was. Get rid and get yourself a better mate.

Original poster

BurberryWeather · 05/07/2021 21:29

@SylvanianFrenemies

She is not a friend. She also sounds incredibly dull. What's the appeal?

She changed a lot when she got a boyfriend. Not in the way that she didn’t have time anymore but just her attitude.

It sounds stupid but she’s probably the friend I do a lot with. If I just dropped her then I think it would be me sat on my one at home a lot.

OP posts:

CorianderBee · 05/07/2021 21:55

Ok then don't drop her, but limit the information you tell her

grapewine · 05/07/2021 22:19

If I just dropped her then I think it would be me sat on my one at home a lot.

And that's worse than being around a so-called friend who has to one-up you all the time? I guess I just don't understand that. But at least don't give her more ammunition then. Stop telling her things.

PinkArt · 05/07/2021 22:30

She’s honestly better than me in every single aspect
Please, please don't think this a second longer. She sounds like a truly horrible person. And that's based on how a friend describes her so I imagine in reality she's even worse. This woman is going out of her way to make you feel like shit. That is NOT a friend. Please believe you deserve soooooo much better and phase her out.

Divebar2021 · 05/07/2021 22:58

She sounds like a frenemy. It would be exceptionally gratifying to turn up to an event with a hot, hot man. A doctor maybe…. A French paediatrician or a firefighter or an incredibly charming man with an Aston Martin and watch her pick fault with him or alternatively implode. If you don’t know any such men we could set up a Go Fund Me we could get you an escort… it would be worth it just to see her face.

Lanareyrey · 06/07/2021 02:44

Ahhhh this is a classic keeping up with the joneses, insecure, competitive, jealous one upping friend, I have a few of these OP.

My husband and I just laugh to ourselves now about it and pity them and the amount of debt and misery they get themselves into.

Stop sharing stuff and ignore them!!

Anordinarymum · 06/07/2021 02:50

It can't be very nice having a friend who never congratulates you when you achieve anything. That is not a friend. A true friend is happy for you and offers encouragement rather than giving negative comments about everything you say.
I would stop telling her anything so she can't throw 'shade' on your efforts.

frigglerock · 06/07/2021 02:55

If someone consistently makes me feel bad about myself, intentionally or not, I make it my business to see less of them. Life's too short to spend time with people who make you miserable!

She's not your only option. I'd seriously look into building up your other friendships or making new ones.

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