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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

*TW* What happens if I report historic sex offences

27 replies

worriedandunsure1 · 05/07/2021 20:10

Nc'd for this as it's a very sensitive issue and I don't want it linking to my other posts.

I've been torn up inside for years about whether or not to report someone who groomed me as a teenager and did things they shouldn't have done (including taking photos). I worry that they may be doing this now to young people and I imagine it's a lot easier to do nowadays with so many kids using the internet all the time.

I feel like it's the right thing to report him, but it's bringing a lot of memories back and I feel quite overwhelmed.

It would make me feel a lot better if I knew what to expect to happen if I make a report. I also live in a different part of the country now (I'm not sure if he does too) so I don't know which police or department I should contact.

I fully appreciate that it's incredibly unlikely that any conviction would come about as a result of my reporting what happened to me, but it could make a difference if some concerned parents or a young person make a report about something that's going on now and the police already have information about him.

If anyone knows anything about this kind of thing, I would be so so grateful for some advice about where to report it and what to expect once I have done.

OP posts:
Ohshittt · 05/07/2021 20:14

I thankfully have absolutely no experience of this so can't offer any advice as such. I am really sorry this happened to you though, you must report it of you feel strong enough. You could be a missing puzzle piece that could bring a conviction or of he's reported in the future and the police already have your statement it could strengthen the case being reported. I really hope a conviction is made and they eventually get everything they deserve!

MarshmallowSwede · 05/07/2021 20:16

You can contact the jurisdiction where the offense(s) occurred. If it is multiple then you can report it to your local and they can then make the contacts to the Logan authorities. I know it’s very hard thing to do, but be proud of yourself for reporting and potentially saving others from a predator.

Also be sure that the authorities can advise you of support for victims of historical abuse. Be strong and I’m wishing you well.

MarshmallowSwede · 05/07/2021 20:16
  • To the local authorities
worriedandunsure1 · 05/07/2021 20:19

@Ohshittt thank you, I'm sure that all these years later there wouldn't be much for the police to find unless he kept the photos, but I'm really worried that he could be grooming young people now. if my report can help keep people safe, I absolutely must say something.

OP posts:
worriedandunsure1 · 05/07/2021 20:20

@MarshmallowSwede thank you. It was all in the county where I lived so I think I should contact that police force. Hopefully if he's moved elsewhere they can pass the information on to the police force wherever he is now.

OP posts:
isupposeitsverynice · 05/07/2021 20:25

you can just call 101 and your local police will take the initial report or whatever it is, they will refer on from there as necessary. honestly no one can predict how it will go and feel for you but it is likely to be difficult so please get support in place ahead of starting the process, which can snowball a bit alarmingly. rape crisis will help you if there is one local to you, they are fantastic. also if you change your mind about reporting and don't want to that is fine - you bear no responsibility for his actions and are absolutely not obliged to do anything as a result of them, especially things that are potentially upsetting or damaging for you.

Finfintytint · 05/07/2021 20:29

Hello OP. You can report historical sex offences to your local Police. They will gather evidence, obtain a statement or video interview from you and will then refer the investigation to the force where the offence occurred.
You are quite right in that any conviction is unlikely unless there is overwhelming information but it may be the piece of the jigsaw that assists another linked investigation. They may not be able to proceed but your input may highlight bad character.
That’s not to say you should feel obliged in any way or that to not report makes any future assault your fault.
You are not responsible for the offender’s actions nor any previous behaviour.

Whatinthelord · 05/07/2021 20:33

As above when I supported someone with this it was the local police who came and took the initial information.

He also got support from a national charity. I think it might have been these

napac.org.uk/about/

mikejardine · 05/07/2021 20:34

Op don't assume there will definitely not be a conviction - I have seen many brave victims support a cps prosecution of historic abuse. It is often denied by the abuser resulting in a jury trial, but some of these do certainly result in a conviction. Maybe think about talking to the police? They have specially trained officers who will be used to dealing with concerns like yours. I'm so sorry for what you have been through Thanks

Cherryana · 05/07/2021 20:34

You go (with a friend if you want) and the police officer will take you into quite a nice room. You share your story.
They will do what they can and inform you of the outcome.

I went with my friend. Nothing formal came of it but I know that it helped her feel a sense of 'she had done what she could do' and that brought her some peace.

Babygotblueyes · 05/07/2021 20:43

I work somewhere that many people disclose stuff like this. We have a way to report anonymously to the police (no details about the client that is) and then the police tell us if there have been any other reports on that person (no details, just yes or no). Then the client can decide if they want to make a full report or not. The police are very sensitive and have been uniformly great when people have reported - things have come on so far in the last few years. Sorry this happened to you and major props to you for even thinking about reporting. Take care.

worriedandunsure1 · 05/07/2021 20:47

Thank you so so much to everyone who's replied for being so kind. I really appreciate it. I definitely am going to make a report to the police about him. Even just to alert them in case there are other reports, it's worth it. It wouldn't really make much difference to my life if he were convicted now but I think about my teenage self and the stuff that was going on and all the manipulation and threats and that could be someone else now in my place. If it stops even one person being haunted for years by what happened, then it's worth it. I know I really need to see a therapist too as I still have nightmares about him all the time.

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 05/07/2021 20:52

Hi OP

You can also report it via your local sexual assault referral centre helpline as they also deal with historical abuse.

From this point you should be appointed an independent sexual violence adviser who can talk to you about your options for reporting.

If you don’t think this is necessary thing you can make a call to 101 and they will ask you questions sensitively to initially capture info. After this you will then be given an appointment time to make a full statement at the police station.

I’d also recommend you get involved with sexual abuse services to help you with counselling.

CornishTiger · 05/07/2021 20:54

And it does help you to have your story told and listened to.

With regard to therapy and counselling please be clear that it’s specialist sexual abuse services you need. Not the average cbt offering.

annacondom · 05/07/2021 20:59

Something happened to me when I was 16. I blanked it out for a long time but then found myself tormented by it. Didn't know which way to turn, and eventually decided to report it. I wrote a letter to the police station near where it happened, giving all the details I could. By coincidence they had a rape unit, they rang me and were bloody brilliant. Super supportive. They tracked him down, arrested him and interviewed him. He said it was consensual but they believed me that it wasn't. I didn't want to take it any further but - he has been warned and hopefully given a fright. It's helped me to put it behind me. The other thing that helped was talking it through with DP. Good luck Flowers

worriedandunsure1 · 05/07/2021 21:24

Thank you so much again for all the replies, it makes me feel a lot more sure about reporting it and that it's the right thing to do.
I don't know what, if anything, will come of it and that it could potentially be an upsetting process, but the fact I still think about it so much (many times a day actually) shows that I really need to deal with it and part of that is to contact the police. Thank you for the suggestions- I will seek counselling which is specifically for people who've encountered sexual abuse.

Even if nothing does come of my reporting it, there's a chance that if the police have actually spoken to him, he might be worried that he's on their radar and he's not as anonymous as he thinks and it could deter him from doing anything he might have otherwise done.

OP posts:
annacondom · 06/07/2021 19:43

Well done. I hope you feel a weight lift off your shoulders. xx

Givemeabreakkiddos · 06/07/2021 19:54

Well done OP, brave and the right thing to do. I don’t have the guts to report those who raped me but maybe one day I will.

user432543424532 · 06/07/2021 20:27

The right thing to do is what enables you to live your life.

It is your choice but I would be worried from these posts that you have a very unrealistic idea of what will happen and how much new trauma it could inflict on you. It's not that it's upsetting, it's that it is traumatic. It can be more traumatic than the original abuse because once you are left feeling that even the police don't keep anyone safe, trauma becomes almost insurmountable.

When you report a sexual offence the police investigate you before they even consider recording the person's name, let alone interviewing them or investigating them in the same way as they have you.

That means your private information being accessed, your medical records trawled - especially mental health records because being traumatised by what happened will be considered to make you less "credible" rather than taken as evidence you had experienced trauma!

They will not record anything to act as an alert.

They will rip through your life treating you like a criminal and most likely never subject your abuser to even a tiny fraction of the same.

Speaking from sad experience of having my life destroyed by the police because I believed I was doing the right thing and desperately wanted to protect others.

I thought it would allow me to move on. I felt the way you've described.

Reporting - in the expectation of the police treating me decently, and being interested in protecting other people - is one of the biggest mistakes and regrets of my entire life.

I protected absolutely nobody and destroyed my own life.

The right thing to do for any survivor/victim of abuse is to take care of what they need. If that is reporting then fine, if it is not reporting then also fine.

The only person who has done the wrong thing in this scenario is the abuser, and everybody suggesting victims are doing the wrong thing by not reporting should take a long hard look at themselves. No, a victim's priority is self-preservation.

If the police were effective as a protective service that person would not have become a victim in the first place. It is sadly a fool's errand to report thinking the police will protect others. That is not what they do.

Every single survivor of abuse that I know regrets reporting. Some of them made it to trial, some of them saw their abusers imprisoned, the vast majority never got further than being re-traumatised in a police station.

All of them regret it. For those beating themselves up for not reporting - don't. You have done what you needed to do to survive and that is the right thing. The only person who deserves blame and judgment is the abuser.

Reporting is not a magic solution that frees us from the trauma of the abuse. The opposite.

Whether we report, whether we don't, we all beat ourselves up - that is the trauma and if we want to live better lives free of trauma what we need to do is start being kind to ourselves instead. Reporting or not reporting won't undo the trauma, but
treating ourselves differently can heal it.

Every time you beat yourself up you are continuing the abuse perpetrated against you. Learning to be compassionate instead of continuing what your abuser started is what allows you to recover.

SunshineCake · 06/07/2021 20:28

Reported.
Could prove it.
Went to trial.
He went to jail.

SunshineCake · 06/07/2021 20:29

I know that was a bit abrupt.

Report to police.
They will take a statement.

moofolk · 06/07/2021 23:26

I have experience of this.

It didn't result in conviction and I know that it may seem pointless to some.

I completely understand women who done want to put themselves through it. You have to drag everything up and conviction is highly unlikely.

BUT he is reported. He is logged. He is monitored to some extent.

AND most abusers don't just do it once they do it multiple times (this is what many people don't understand; when we say all women it doesn't mean all men. It's the same significant minority of men doing it all).

SO it's likely he's done this to others and as you say, possibly still is. The more women who separately report the same man, the more likely a conviction is.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Doyoulookback · 08/07/2021 09:58

What’s happens currently when someone accused of a sexual assault? Do complaints that weren’t pursued get found? Are they looked for?

Doyoulookback · 08/07/2021 09:59

Sorry are prior complaints available to the Police?

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 08/07/2021 10:07

I want to make a categorical statement that it is not OK to say blanket that someone reporting is "doing the right thing".

Every victim of a sexual offence or sexual abuse has to make their own decision as to the right course of action for them. It is not up to them to "stop him from doing it again". Reporting is very often not the blanket "right thing" and probably the most common outcome is that nothing comes of it from a judicial point of the view, but the victim/survivor is retraumatised by the process.

I did not report. That was the right decision for me. Prospects of a conviction or even further investigation were essentially nil. Putting myself through another traumatising process would have served nobody.