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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be really upset?

20 replies

troobleflooble · 05/07/2021 19:44

It's my birthday coming up soon and unfortunately I don't have anyone to spend it with. I'm single and all my family live too far to travel to. It also falls on a weekday so all my friends are working.

I'd sort of resigned myself to the fact but was feeling pretty sad about it regardless. Then my DSis got in touch and said that she and her bf were going to come and visit the weekend before! I was overjoyed! I haven't seen her in months and really miss her so I was super excited and started planning things for us to do while she's here. I spoke to my boss and changed my work days around to make sure I was off while they're here.

Then a few days later she told me that her bf has to work so they can't come (he's driving, so essential for the visit). I tried to rearrange for the following weekend instead, got it all sorted (again) and just planned for the weekend after instead. Now she's said they can't come at all, saying they are too busy and tired with work and other life stuff.

I get this, and I'm not annoyed that they've got too much going on to make it. I'm sad and disappointed, but I understand. But WTF would you message me and offer to come before checking these things!! She knows that I don't have anyone to spend my birthday with and that it was going to be a shitty time for me, and now to have the offer made and then retracted not once but twice just makes it even worse 😞

Fuck it, might just pretend I'm not even having a birthday this year then I won't be upset that no one gives a shit.

OP posts:
GaspGulpScream · 05/07/2021 19:49

That's so disappointing but the way this year has gone I expect people need to work where they can, I'd try and arrange another date to celebrate
Do something just for you, get a nice lunch in, have an afternoon or day just doing what you want to do
You can be like the Queen and have two birthdays

SleepingStandingUp · 05/07/2021 19:53

I understand why you're disappointed op, I'm sorry.

Can you book it off and just do something special that you wouldn't normally justify? Go out for lunch, a movie, cocktails at midday. Or slob on PJ's all day drinking Prosecco from the bottle and eating your body weight in chocolate?

nervousseacreature · 05/07/2021 19:54

I’d be really gutted too op. It seems mean of her to offer and then back out.

I don’t know how you feel re Covid/restrictions in your area but if it were me maybe I’d book myself a spa treatment or go to the cinema. Make the day special in some way for yourself.

bert3400 · 05/07/2021 19:56

If you have booked the time off, can you not go and visit her instead, especially if her BF is working...you would have some quality time together ?

SuperSecretSquirrels · 05/07/2021 19:59

Does she know that you had associated it with your birthday? Or does she just see it as a visit?

Original poster
troobleflooble · 05/07/2021 20:04

@bert3400 unfortunately I don't drive a car and the train ticket is ridiculously expensive 😞 I normally work part of the weekend but my actual birthday is one of my scheduled days off.

@SuperSecretSquirrels yes it was definitely meant to be a birthday visit. She contacted me and suggested it.

I will try and treat myself to something on the day but I'm really poor at the moment, had a few unexpected bills crop up recently all at once and I don't have much spare. Oh well 😞

OP posts:
pussycatlickinglollyices · 05/07/2021 20:10

Ah, but OP if you don't celebrate it, the Birthday Pixies will be cross because they won't get any left over cake.😉

You have to treat yourself, even if it's only a cupcake or bar of chocolate.

And don't forget you'll get lots of 💐🌷🌻🌼🌹 from all of us here.

Laiste · 05/07/2021 20:11

It also falls on a weekday so all my friends are working.

Why not invite one of your mates out for a meal on one of the nearest weekends? Buy yourself big bar of chocolate (something you fancy) to pig out on in the evening?

Tbh 90% of me and DHs birthdays are not celebrated on the actual day. Both of us often have to wait a month or more for an actual meal out or whatever. Money and time constraints. He bungs me a card in the morning and the day goes on as it would have done. It's just life. Everyone's busy with their usual commitments all week. Hope it goes well.
Flowers

ForeverSausages · 05/07/2021 20:16

Oh this is so shit OP. Could you meet her halfway for lunch or something? Not sure how far away she lives? I do think it's hurtful to have messaged you to arrange something and then to cancel twice. I get life happens, but I'd be hurt too.

Original poster
troobleflooble · 05/07/2021 20:24

@Laiste I completely understand that life happens and people are busy and have things going on that are hard to juggle. But in that case why bother to message me and offer?! I wasn't going to ask her to come because I know it's a long way and it would be asking a lot. Hence why I was so excited when she mentioned it and now to have it taken away is really disheartening 😞

I am going to ask my friend to go for a meal or a drink the weekend after. Fingers crossed she says yes 😊

Thanks @pussycatlickinglollyices 😁 I do love ice cream so I might treat myself to a really nice one.

OP posts:
StCharlotte · 05/07/2021 20:26

I had a Saturday birthday a couple of years ago and DH had to do something else which was fine but I was left at a loose end so I booked myself to go to Buckingham Palace (£25) which worked really well on my own as you have earphones with a commentary. Could you do something like that?

Laiste · 05/07/2021 20:27

Oh i do hope your friend can make it :)

I totally agree it's worse when something is offered and then taken away than not having it offered at all!

tallduckandhandsome · 05/07/2021 20:28

Is she always this flakey? I wouldn't be going out of way for her again.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 05/07/2021 20:30

that's quite crappy.

when Is your birthday and do you live in Surrey by any chance?
we have 3 birthdays next week but maybe you could come round for a cuppa & a cupcake?

I'm not even joking. I have some time on 14th & 15th

FluffyPJs · 05/07/2021 20:32

Is it possible she's doing the fake 'I can't come' but then turns up and shouts 'surprise'??

Inclinedtochatter · 05/07/2021 20:35

If you live in or around Hull I will treat you to a cupcake or two!

Cryalot2 · 05/07/2021 20:42

Happy birthday , FlowersCake
You sound like my dd.
I wish I could think of something. Apart from go treat yourself and do something you normally wouldn't

pussycatlickinglollyices · 05/07/2021 20:43

🍦🎂
Early Happy Birthday trooble

Original poster
troobleflooble · 05/07/2021 20:47

Thank you so much for the offers of cupcakes 😊😁 Sadly I am not in that area of the country but I do live somewhere that is very beautiful so I must count my blessings. I'm sure I will be able to find something nice to do. I actually do have an idea but I'll have to ask for money as a birthday present from my parents to be able to do it 😂

It's unlikely @FluffyPJs. Normally she is amazing and wonderful so I really do believe she has a lot on her plate to not be able to come. I just wish I hadn't got my hopes up, as a PP said it's worse than not being offered at all but it can't be helped.

OP posts:
Workinghardeveryday · 05/07/2021 21:00

I totally get this thread. @troobleflooble happy birthday for the day and feel free to dm, I will cheer you up 😁.
It will be what you make it. Try and be kind to yourself and treat yourself on the day how ever you can xxx

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