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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I overreacting? is the past clouding my judgement?

19 replies

Betty1983 · 05/07/2021 12:06

NC for this, it's another porn one.

My DH (maybe soon to be ExH) and I have had the same argument over and over for the past five years and it's his porn consumption, first it was because he was looking at "real life porn" think OF but free and that made me uncomfortable etc and what not and then earlier this year it was OF and happened literally a day or two before my dads funeral which was a bit of a kick in the teeth, now this morning I saw it on his phone as I went to google something (he must have forgotten to hide it like he normally does) the problem this morning was he was suppose to be caring for DS 5 months whilst I was at an appointment so I asked if he did it in front of him as that made me feel a bit uneasy and he said no he went into the toilet to do it meaning he left ds alone in the living room with the five cats unsupervised and I am so mad, I ignored it when it was just impacting me but now I feel like he put his son in possible danger (I love my cats but they're unpredictable like any animals are) to get his jollies. I just feel sick and have asked him to leave, this feels like the final straw for me but aibu? I honestly don't know anymore - I mean it wasn't OF this time but pornhub which has ethical issues all on it's own, ugh I just feel sick.

OP posts:
kindaclassy · 05/07/2021 12:18

Porn or not, it's leaving the 5 months old with cats the issue.
As you said, you don't leave a baby unsupervised with animals.

I would have a massive go at him, it's not acceptable.

Devon1987 · 05/07/2021 12:28

He is grim, that would be the final straw. He would rather put his child in danger to get his jollies off. Rank. I would be showing him the door and fight for supervised visitation.

SorrySoldOut · 05/07/2021 12:28

he's not going to change op

Rosebel · 05/07/2021 12:29

He shouldn't have left your 5 month old alone with the cats. It's one of the most basic rules.
The porn wouldn't bother me personally but I'd be furious about leaving the baby alone with the cats.

Atalune · 05/07/2021 12:31

LTB.

Just so grim.

ExtraOnions · 05/07/2021 12:31

Can he not go for an hour without a wank, whilst he’s looking after his child?
Looking at port is one thing, being unable to stop yourself looking at it is quite the other.

Ohhok · 05/07/2021 12:33

Please divorce him. He seriously left your baby alone to go have a wank? He’s got deep fucking issues.

LuxOlente · 05/07/2021 12:35

That's pretty minging, and shows his priorities. Literally watching it so often you catch him at it, can't he be discreet? Ugh, and then to just walk off from his child.

The sort of man most women wouldn't even sit next to on a bus, let alone live with.

He needs to seek help. I mean, you need to sort out ending the relationship and, if you like, find an actual functioning adult, but he can just scuttle off to some clinic or prison or something.

CharlieWorkCharlieSad · 05/07/2021 12:36

I'm pretty sure my husband watches porn.
So I can't say LTB for that.

But why does he need to watch porn when looking after his baby?

Surley it's a before bed/in the shower/when the house is free sort of thing? Maybe once a week or month?

Masturbating is great. But not when you're actively parenting your child.

Very odd.

How often do you think he's using it? Does he/can he masturbate without it?

Ohhok · 05/07/2021 12:36

I’d tell his family exactly why I was divorcing him too.
He is deeply disturbed and needs to be shocked/embarrassed into getting help/realising it’s a problem.

Betty1983 · 05/07/2021 12:42

I'll be honest I haven't been the best wife and we've had sex about 4 times this year but I had a C section in January, My dad died in March, My mums needed help and my granddad (mums dad) is dying of cancer so I just haven't been in the mood so I have nothing against him having the "me time" but the fact he's left ds alone to do it just gives me the creeps like I don't know, with everything else I am considering LTB.

OP posts:
Rosebel · 05/07/2021 13:18

You have been through an awful lot and not having sex much doesn't mean he's allowed to leave your baby alone while he has a wank.
He should have been supporting you while you were dealing with everything
If you've talked to him about porn and he doesn't respect your views then that's also a red flag.

BrownEyedSquirrel · 05/07/2021 13:27

Ah, time to look after my baby. What shall we do? Story time? Shall I sing to him? Oh no, I know, I'll go have a wank.
WTAF.
And to leave a young baby with cats unsupervised is madness. He prioritises his dick over his son. Disgusting.

Drivingmeupthewall · 05/07/2021 13:28

He has such poor self and impulse control that he’s prepared to leave a five month old unaccompanied so he can go and wank? No. I would be making moves to get him out of my house.

Youdiditanyway · 05/07/2021 13:31

He left his baby alone so he could go have a wank? How grim. Glad you’re divorcing him, he’s gross.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 05/07/2021 13:38

He's a disgusting cunt @Betty1983

That would be a divorce the bastard from me.

Gladiolys · 05/07/2021 13:45

Leaving a five month alone with animals so he can have a wank is absolutely awful. Sounds like a proper addiction. If he won’t acknowledge that and seek help, I agree it’s the end of the road.

FrenchieFromGrease · 05/07/2021 14:37

What the hell is up with all these porn sick weirdos? Back in the day if a man watched a porn video every single day he would be ridiculed by men and women alike and everybody would consider him a sleazy perve. Now porn is so normalised that men leave their babies unattended to go for a wank.

They are ruined.

Dump him OP. He is disgusting.

Chickenexpert · 05/07/2021 14:41

3% (at the moment) have voted the OP is unreasonable but no posts agree with that, I'm interested in that point of view if anyone can share?

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