Live in Mum situation

[Sunsnd]

About a year ago my Mum told my husband and I that she had run out of money (private rent) and needed to move in with us. We were not given much say in the matter as I didn’t see what else she could do. I love my Mum but she is very difficult and I am finding it so hard to live with her. She helps out loads around the house and she is great with my two children but she is so moody and argumentative. She drinks most nights and this just makes her more difficult. I feel like I’m treading on eggshells around her constantly. I can’t ask her to leave as she has no where to go. We have had another argument tonight and I feel awful. She said some really hurtful things and is dragging me down mentally. I don’t know how to move forward with this. Help!

Well obviously you shouldn’t have to put up with that.

Why can’t she afford her rent? Is she claiming benefits? I think you have to make her homeless so she can get emergency housing. Tell her you will help her with applications etc.

If the drinking is out of hand, can you encourage her to seek help?

For a start, I can't understand why you let her move in. I speak as an 'aging' mother who worries about the rent, but never in a million years would I ask, or expect, to move in with my adult son or daughter. If I can't afford my rent it's my problem, not theirs.

Unfortunately, now she is with you it is harder to deal with. She shouldn't be drinking every evening (no wonder she can't afford her rent) and then making you suffer for it, nor should she be argumentative. You need to throw her out. As a family you need to sit her down and explain that she's moody, argumentative, the arrangement isn't working for you and you feel you can't be your natural selves in your own home. She won't like it but it's your home, your rules.

Explain she has to sort herself out/claim UC/look at alternative housing. Your problem is that now she's with you the council won't want to know because she's effectively housed. But while you are dealing with her, any services available to her won't be offered.... yes, you need to make her homeless and the help with applications etc.

The drinking is undoubtedly the problem with the mood and the money. I think you and your DH need to sit down with her and have an intervention. Let her know she has X period of time to get her shit together and become sober, start saving to get her own place, etc…. or you will have to evict her. You will help her by joining her by making the house a no-alcohol zone (or it will be too tempting) and joining her at AA meetings, whatever it takes. She needs to become an independent, functioning member of society, and part of that involves taking responsibility for her actions.

What age is she?

She sounds very selfish.